Moments of Recognition

Speaking at Youth Ministry Forum

2011-04-20T14:54:00.004-05:00

May 16-17, 2011 I will be on the faculty for a fantastic event that Virginia Baptists are putting on called: Youth Ministry Forum. This year, the main speaker is Marko (Mark Oestreicher) whose important book Youth Ministry 3.0 will be the dominant theme for discussion. I am really looking forward to the time in Richmond with some really sharp folks to discuss the future of student ministry.

It was at this event two years ago that Chris Folmsbee, author of A New Kind of Youth Ministry (and more recently Stories, Signs and Sacred Rhythms), asked if I would be interested in writing a short book for students on the idea of Sacred Hope. A book that explores the idea that the hope of God for our lives is not simply for ourselves, but is an invitation to be on mission with God to restore the world to its intended wholeness. I spent the next six months working on it in various ways, and it came out at the end of 2010. It was fantastic working with Chris and the team at Barefoot Ministries to publish the book, and I hope it isn't the last time we get to work together.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have gotten some really thoughtful notes from some college students and college graduates that have enjoyed the book, and I've been trying to think through some of their comments as I prepare to speak on it at the Youth Ministry Forum (for Faculty Bios, click here). I have two different sessions that I am speaking on at the forum, one on my book, and one on student ministry in general. Here are the descriptions:

Form over Function: Moving From Entertainment to Spiritual Formation in Youth Ministry
Do you find yourself spending more time, energy, resources on games, events, and flash for your student ministry rather than creating space for reflection, formation, practice, conversations, and ultimately relationships? In this session, we will explore how our aims for formation should drive our calendaring rather than the measuring sticks of fun and entertainment.

Exploring Sacred Hope: An Invitation to Join God’s Mission
Sacred hope is an expedition into mission. In Josh’s recent book Sacred Hope, students are invited to imagine the future where God is leading us, only to plummet back down into reality to investigate how we can join in God s mission to restore the world to its intended wholeness. In this session we will discuss ways we can cultivate spaces and conversations of hope and mission in our student ministries.

If you are going to be at the conference I'd love to meet you, and look forward to a great couple of days of rich conversation and thoughtful exploration. Hope to see you in Richmond!

getting creative

2011-04-20T14:30:00.003-05:00

I'm starting to feel creative again.

Not like I am ready to write a masterpiece kind of creative. Just creative. I'm reading more. Listening to good music. Am having better conversations. Am feeling a stronger and stronger desire to write again.

I just started reading David Dark's The Sacredness of Questioning Everything and so far I am loving it. I have enjoyed his work in one of my favorite magazines Paste (that is currently on hiatus in print, but only online). And he is a great person to follow on Twitter. One of the things I wrote about in my book for students Sacred Hope was a chapter on the importance of asking good questions, of perpetually asking questions for it helps us to be in a posture of humility; a posture of seeking so that we may find. Dark puts it this way: "When we have questions, illumination is possible. (p. 14)"

To some degree doubt is necessary in order for faith to exist. Without doubt, faith becomes unnecessary, for our certainty rules our hearts and creates our image or idol of God in our minds. Dark writes, "Religion is born out of questions, not answers. (p. 22)"

When it comes down to it, I think I am feeling more creative because I am starting to ask more questions again. I am opening my heart to wrestle with ideas, art, love, hope, and doubt. Truthfully, I might be feeling more creative because my boys are sleeping through the night again or spring is starting to make you want to be outside, or I am starting to find balance after our new addition to the family. No matter where it is coming from, I am going to settle in and see what kinds of great things might come out of the questions and creativity.

Brush, Brush, Dust, Dust

2011-01-20T17:25:00.002-05:00

So it's been a while since I've blogged. Life with two little boys is fun, crazy, and an adventure always...but it hasn't always helped me find time for writing. There have a been a lot of great things that have happened with us in the last few months, not least of which is the birth of a new little boy Elison. I also had my book published, Sacred Hope.

My good friend Stephen is going to be trying to blog once a week, and I thought that would be a good, and healthy goal for me too. I have a lot of things that I'd like to write about as a way of processing thoughts, and I thought that by writing regularly, it would be a really good discipline and way to cultivate those thoughts. I will try to be brief and playful at times, but more than anything, I just need to write.

This week have had two special moments for me with my oldest son Rowan. One happened today, I took him with me to get a haircut, his first done done at the hands of a professional instead of Shey. I didn't know what to expect, but he did a really great job, didn't cry, and was super excited for his slurpee prize afterward! At one point I look down and realize as he's sitting in the chair, how much he's grown, and crazy it is to be a father. Rowan is my son. My SON. As I watched him squirm with the clippers and give his hair stylist a high five when it was all done, I just kept thinking about how fast he is growing up and how humbling it is to be a part of helping him grow up.

The other thing that happened with Rowan, was that while I was giving Eli a bottle one day this week, Rowan sat on the couch and we watched an episode of Clifford the Big Red Dog together. During the episode one of the dogs had a best friend that moved away and was coming back for a visit. And for a while, the show centered around the two dogs being friends, and all the great things they did together, and ways they played. Then, one of the dogs moved away. And I look over, and my two-and-a-half year old has tears running down his cheeks. And as the show continues and the dog friends reunite, his tears continue to roll down. It was a beautiful moment to watch him learn and feel empathy for others. It broke my heart to see him recognize that kind of life lesson, but it brought tears to my eyes to witness his response of kindness, empathy, and joy when the friends were reunited.

This parenting thing is certainly one of the most humbling endeavors I have ever been on, but it is also one of the most insightful times of my life as well. I hope that I can find the strength to help Rowan grow up well, and help him live in that space of hopeful empathy and love for others, especially when he sees others hurting.

Running a Half Marathon: Hope, Justice, and Friendship Converge

2010-07-08T14:56:00.002-05:00

Nearly two months ago I ran a half marathon. It was one of the most exhausting, physically and mentally challenging, and beautiful things I have participated in. Not because the hot day or 13.1 miles were particularly that scenic (though there were some great moments along the way), but it was a convergence of friendship, hope, reflection, and justice.

The last 6 months have been some of the busiest of my entire life. My wife and I bought our first house, found out we were expecting another little boy, realized that we didn’t have adequate insurance, had to move out of our apartment because our new house took too long to build, wrote a book, raised a hilarious and compassionate 2-year old, lived with my in-laws for four months (which went really, really well), amongst the normal things of our jobs, raising a family, enjoying our marriage, and more.

I don’t say any of that to sound impressive, and if you saw my running times for the half marathon, you’ll see and know, there’s not much to be impressed about...unless of course you have the keen perspective to see it a benefit to be able to run a half marathon for the entire duration of a Godfather movie. Instead, I wanted to say that I had every reason not to want to run, and many days my body tried to convince me that the major chaffage and general smell of my shoes in cooperation with the business of my life would make it stupid to even try to run a half marathon.

So when Jamie sent out an email to myself and some college friends taunting us with his bulging calves and promise of lapping us in the running of the Historic Half Marathon in Fredericksburg, VA I laughed of course. And promptly thought that I’d send in a couple of bucks to help them as they looked to raise fund through running these races for their adoption process.

But how could I look into the face of Jamie Berry, well at least read the hilarity of his blog, and think that I could not support the former college housemate and founder of the famous wrestling move called “The Fishook” and not try to help out? In the midst of all the craziness of my life, the half marathon provided some much needed space, and best of all I could actually participate in helping good friends and great people participate in practicing justice, of joining with God in making things right in the world as they are seeking to adopt a sibling group from the 5 million orphans currently living in Ethiopia.

What I didn’t expect, when I told Jamie that I’d run and help him raise money to help offset the costs of the adoption, is that through the training and running of the race, that I’d be changed through the process as well, and that it would be such an emotional and powerful experience for me personally. But as I trained and ran the race, and found myself inhabiting quieter spaces, enjoying the beautiful hills of VA, and thinking about my family, the future hope of Jamie and Misty’s new family, and the joy of what that day will be like when these children will have a home, I began to realize to new depths the significance of what Jamie and Misty are doing together through adoption.

As I slowly crossed the finish line, and trust me, it was slowly, and my pregnant wife, extended family, and thousands of other people who I didn’t know cheered me on, I was reminded of the vision of what heaven may be like: when all people, in all of our glorious differences, with our different languages, experiences, nationalities and more, can be together and have a home where there is no more sorrow or pain, no more hunger or thirst, and no more orphans.

So, as I crossed the finish line, with tears welling up, I was reminded of the powerful significance of what Jamie and Misty are doing, as they are bringing into reality, for their part of the story, the vision of heaven here on earth. And though the next couple of days I could barely walk up or down stairs, and the chaffage made me scream when I tried to take showers, I couldn’t help but smile and laugh, and even cry when I think about the joy that Jamie and Misty will give as they become a new family with the orphans they will adopt; but I think that I also smile, laugh and cry, thinking about the joy, hope, and change that these once orphans and now sons and daughters will bring about in Jamie and Misty.

I thought that I was the one helping Jamie and Misty out, to raise money, spread awareness, and get my butt kicked by some streets near a college that wait-listed me even though “they really wanted more men to apply to help raise gender equality at the school (blah blah blah blah blah).” And I think I may have helped some. But honestly, I was so glad that Jamie and Misty have invited others and me to share in their journey and story of helping orphans halfway around the world become sons and daughters.

Thanks for letting this slow guy run and participate in such a great act of justice and hope as you raise funds and eventually adopt orphans from Ethiopia. If you’ve read this far, take a minute and see if you can’t support my friends as they move through this adoption process. Whether financially, you can donate here. Or by sending funny pictures for the blog, you can send them to Jamie here. Or by asking Jamie and Misty how you might be able to do something where you live or with them to help. Not only might it change your life, but it will certainly change the lives of a group of siblings looking to become part of a family, and that is a great place to have hope and justice converge.

Thanks for including me friends.
Josh Hayden

40 Days of Water

2010-02-17T01:18:00.007-05:00

This Lent I am going to be both giving up and putting some things into action. On the personal side of things, I am going to be reading through Peter Rollins newest book The Orthodox Heretic, which is a collection of parables exploring themes of justice, love, the nature of God, and much more. If you buy the book during Lent, Paraclete Press will email you an additional 7 parables so that you can read one parable per day for 40 days. I probably won't blog about it every day, but I am really excited to read the new book and to be shaped by the power of story.

Something I am really excited about is the 40 Days of Water with Blood Water Mission. Over the next 40 days I am going to be drinking water and donate the money I would have spent on other beverages to Blood Water Mission. This amazing organization provides access to clean drinking water to people in Africa who are in need. They are amazing with their donations and are great people.

As I look at the picture of Rowan (my son) above, it is hard for me to think that there are millions of kids, many his age or younger who lack the basic access to clean water. I simply can't imagine what must be like for those children and those parents who watch their children suffer.

I imagine there will be a few times that I have to break the fast for work, but for my personal time I will definitely be trying to consume nothing other than water. My friends over at Wordswell designed this awesome new site and helped shape the campaign for Blood Water Mission. It looks amazing. If you decide to join me and many of my friends for 40 Days of Water, you can sign up and get your own personal website to help you track the drinks you are giving up and the amount you'd like to donate. You can follow me here: http://40days.bloodwatermission.com/joshhayden.

Take a moment and think about joining me on the 40 Days of Water campaign to support Blood Water Mission!

didn't expect that

2010-01-29T00:25:00.005-05:00

I've been widdling down the number of emails in my inbox after the insaneness that was November and December, and tonight I came upon an email that jostled me. It is the obituary of a mentor, friend, adviser, professor, and much more who was the 70-year old spark that opened the door for theological inquiry, openness to new ideas, and a belief that I was capable of something great. Rev. Dr. William Thomas helped to change the course of my direction of life, as he simply entertained a question about a then unknown theologian to me Karl Barth, and whose Philosophy 101 class forever opened my mind to the mystery of God, humanity, and the complexity of life.

The next class that we had after I had asked him a seemingly small question on Barth, led to a brown paper bag sitting on my desk with a few new, great smelling books that he hoped would continue to help me ask more questions, keep up the conversation, and spur me on towards greater learning. Over the four years in college, and the next four years afterwards, we kept in touch, meeting occasionally for a meal, to discuss my going to seminary, to meet other prominent professors, to introduce Shey to some fantastic art historian, or just to catch up...he always listened, and he helped me to believe in myself in ways that I had never believed in myself before. He asked great questions, and he somehow kept ahead of the curve theologically, and was in tune with a broad swath of conversations and theological discussions across the spectrum.

Dr. Thomas passed away the right before I graduated from seminary, and the news was sent to me while Shey was in the hospital, in the middle of some of the worst weeks of my life thus far. To be honest, I haven't even begun to process the hole that is in my life now that he is gone. His death represents so much more than simply an absence of guidance, great questions, and insight...his absence is sorely missed as I evaluate Ph.D. programs, read a new theologian, or simply need a helpful voice to speak into my life. I know that I wasn't the only one impacted by this generous, humble, and kind man, he had a way of impacting every student in one way or another that he came in contact with.

So as I read tonight:

The Rev. Dr. William W. Thomas, Honorably Retired pastor

The Rev. Dr. William W. Thomas, age 74 and Honorably Retired pastor, died on Saturday, May 24, 2008, at the Bridgewater Nursing Home in Bridgewater, VA. Dr. Thomas was a longtime resident of Harrisonburg and retired from James Madison University as a full professor in the Department of Philosophy and Religion in 1997. Since then, he taught at JMU on a part-time basis and continued his involvement with the students, faculty and staff at JMU. Prior to teaching at JMU, he taught summer sessions at Bridgewater College.

He was the last survivor of his immediate family. The Rev. Thomas Reynolds will conduct a graveside service at 2 p.m. Tuesday, May 27, at St. Matthew's Cemetery adjacent to Reformation Lutheran Church in New Market, VA.

Memorial contributions may be made to Bridgewater Nursing Home or Bridgewater College, Bridgewater, Va.

from an email that I can't get myself to take out of my inbox, I was jostled a bit, because Dr. Thomas' life has left a lasting handprint into the very way that I see the world, and his generosity, kindness, humility, challenge, and strong spirit I know lives with me as I try to live and learn as he taught me. The truth is: I miss him. In the midst of the pain of watching Shey and Rowan fight to make it, I simply ran out of tears to cry, and so tonight, as the tears well up, I know that it wasn't because I didn't care then, that is when I first heard, that I didn't cry. It was because I had nothing else to give.

So tonight, Dr. Thomas, as we come closer to celebrate Rowan's two years of life in June, we will also remember you, and pray that we can spur on and spark in Rowan the joy of God, life, theology, hope, and curiosity that you worked so hard to create and cultivate in both Shey and I. Thank you for believing in me and helping me to believe that with some hard work, we can grow, learn, and open our minds to amazing things if we are just willing to listen and be open to the great diversity of ways that God can work in the world.

8/5/2010

2010-01-20T20:56:00.003-05:00

We are expecting Baby Hayden #2 somewhere near August 5, 2010. The new addition to the family was a surprise to Shey and I (to say the least!), and we are getting more excited, but for a while we've just been overwhelmed. In light of recent events in Massachusetts, and the ongoing discussions about health care in our country, I thought I might add a personal story to the mix.

After Shey's difficult and complicated pregnancy, delivery, and Rowan's early troubles, we had a difficult time getting insurance for both Shey and Rowan. Rowan was added to my policy at the church after an initial appeal, but Shey was denied twice. They advised us to reapply after six months to a year, and thought that without any other complications she would be fine to get coverage. During the next year, we kept coverage for Shey through COBRA which is anything but cheap, stretching our budget a good bit, but we worked things out. We reapplied this past summer and Shey was denied coverage again on the plan with Rowan and me.

So we pursued an individual policy for Shey through Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield (the same company I was on with Rowan, and the same company that Shey was on through her school) and she got coverage. Weird isn't it? As part of the policy, we had to pick up a maternity rider, the rules being that Shey could not become pregnant within the first six months of coverage or they would not cover the pregnancy costs. We made it 4 1/2 months. We weren't trying to get pregnant, but apparently being careful doesn't always work!

So, not only were we faced with the prospect of a major change in our family, which is surprising, but we could certainly grow more excited...but we then had to face what seemed like overwhelming obstacles of trying to figure out how we are going to cover the costs of all of the medical expenses. Pre-natal visits, labor, delivery, hospital costs, estimated between $10-15,000. Add to this that Shey must also be on a prescription of Lovenox shots, twice/day, with an estimated cost of $3,000/month. And oh yeah, we are in the middle of buying a house! And while we've saved some money by renting and living in people's basements, we don't have that much money...I'm a youth pastor and my wife was a teacher for four years before Rowan. Basically the conservative estimated medical costs (shots for 10 months, pre-natal, labor/delivery, and then a normal hospital stay) would be my entire salary for one year.

So most of December was spent trying to finish up teaching, finish my book, and then figure out how to cover some of the upcoming medical expenses. We found out that I make too much to qualify for Medicaid, but not enough to pay for all the expenses outright, so as you can imagine we were freaking out a bit.

Thankfully, the folks over at the company who make Lovenox (Sanofi Aventis) have a program for those who are underinsured or uninsured, and they have given us a 3-month supply of shots for free, and as long as I don't get a raise, and we should continue to be able to qualify for the program. Next, there is a Baptist Minister's Relief Fund of Virginia that is in the process of helping us figure out some things. I just got an email yesterday, and am going to talk with someone about negotiating with the price of the hospital stay for Shey.

We've played by the rules, we've been decent people, we've paid taxes, we've never lost coverage for health insurance, and we've done of good job of staying pretty healthy, but at the time when we needed solid coverage and health insurance, it hasn't worked. We are certainly thankful for the other organizations and even for the drug company (even though it is the steep prices that caused much of the problem in the first place), and of course our families will never let us starve or foreclose on our new house...but the healthcare system didn't work for us. And we aren't poor, and are educated, and have access to information that many other folks don't have, to at least explore other means of help.

I'm not going to say that Obama's plan is the only viable option, or that I know all the answers; because I don't. But I thought that our story is one that helps highlight the need for change and reform. If we can't get reasonable coverage or coverage when we need it the most, and we are in the middle class or even wealthy compared to many families who are without jobs or whose lives have been devastated by lack of coverage earlier, it seems like change might be a good thing.

We knew that the system was messed up after the last pregnancy and birth of Rowan, and their hospital bills without insurance would have been about $90,000/person respectively (and that's nothing compared to some of our other friends who have had more serious problems or Shey's sister who suffered through a car accident and was hospitalized for nearly a year).

I guess I wanted to add my voice to the discussion, because it is easy to think about healthcare as a political issue (which it certainly is), but it is also really easy to demonize people who disagree with you on the issue. I simply wanted to share our story about how the current healthcare system is not working for us. Thankfully, the community of faith, and our family are supporting us and helping us figure some things out, but many people are not so lucky.

So as you discuss healthcare reform or change, or talk about how the "Dem's" are trying to make us all socialists, or how the "Rep's" need to stop having tea parties and start offering other solutions, I hope that we can try to help others see beyond the political spin machine and remember that there are real people whose lives are being dramatically altered and changed, and perhaps forever changed depending on the results of the healthcare discussion. We know ours is.

bumps and bruises

2010-01-10T01:03:00.004-05:00

Rowan took his first spill tonight where he got a good bump and bruise on his head, plus a good cut with some blood. No fun. He actually didn't freak out very much; I think Shey and I were probably more surprised and worried to see his response than he was himself. But we didn't make any loud or surprising gasps at the sight of blood, and he calmed down in less time than a temper tantrum.

I've spent a good part of the last few months thinking about hope, in both preparing to write and in writing the book on sacred hope for students. It forced me to take a look at some of the bumps and bruises of the last couple of years, and some of the deeper wounds that are still healing from years past. Rowan is going to have a bump for a couple of weeks probably, and will have a little mark for probably months. All from climbing up on his play kitchen, slipping, and then bumping his head on the corner of our buffet.

I am just finally able to start talking about in any meaningful way about some of the traumatic experiences of the last year and a half, and yet we already have some new challenges that have arisen while finishing the book. I keep looking for a pause button somewhere; a place or time where I can catch my breath, slow down, and recharge, but so far we haven't found that place yet.

I suppose it is like advent: the waiting, the anticipation, the longing. Anticipation is a difficult emotion and means of life. It necessitates a hope in the present while also implying a hope in the future. It is really hard to live in those tensions. Not to mention the bumps and bruises along the way. Sometimes the bumps and bruises are actually cuts much deeper though, and take much longer to heal than I want to admit. I know that I haven't wanted to admit the pain still exists and affects me. In some ways, I'm just learning how to speak again.

I hope this means that I will figure out how to be a better husband and dad, to find a rigorous hope that helps me to live into the present with greater awareness of the future. The bumps and bruises are always scary at first, but they heal quickly; it is learning how to gain feeling back into the places where there were deep wounds and gashes that take time, silence, and perseverance.

country music and painting

2010-01-05T23:55:00.002-05:00

I was born in Louisville, Kentucky. After three years in the bluegrass state I lived in rural Appomattox, Virginia. My parents used to even make fun of me for my country twang. But I never liked country music at all. Everyone listened to it growing up (except my parents) and I hated it.

When I started painting in college, I was told that it was simply inappropriate to not listen to country music while painting. I disagreed. Then alt-country became hip, indie-fied, and good. It became the new necessary music to listen to while painting.

Also, in the winter, I find it essential to listen to heavier, darker, more complex music. You'd think I'd get enough grey in the cold winter with short days. But apparently I do not.

In November I painted a lot of hours to earn a few extra bucks getting ready to buy a house in a really short period of time and this album by The Avett Brothers became indispensable.

Put all this together (painting+country music+winter) and The Avett Brothers new album I and Love and You simply can't get enough plays on my iPod. It is one of my favorite albums of the year, and is an album that I can't get enough of right now.

It's not all dark and depressing all the time, but it is always good. You should probably check out this video for the title track I and Love and You. So, so good.

hello world!

2010-01-04T14:16:00.005-05:00

2010. How did we get here? It has a been a remarkable and remarkably busy end to 2009 for the family and me. I really can't believe how fast it went and all the new experiences we had. We are in the process of buying/building a house in Old Town Warrenton right now. We have loved living out in the country, and there are a lot of things we are going to miss terribly, including the family we currently live with, but overall, we are quite excited to live back in town. It will make for some easier playdates for Rowan and Shey, and will decrease some of commuting times to most everything. We are three blocks from Main Street in Old Town Warrenton, and only four blocks from our first apartment. This means we are only a couple of blocks from the farmer's market, the great local food and shops in Old Town, and close to parks, friends, and work. We are buying a brand new home with a good start on some helpful environmentally-friendly characteristics. We honestly never thought we'd be able to buy a house in town, much less a brand new home, which we got to pick out a lot of the options, and is all sitting on half an acre on a side street with little traffic and lots of trees! We are so excited!

On the personal side of things I taught my first class ever, Christian Theology I, in the diploma program at The John Leland Center for Theological Studies. This was a test run for me...a much cheaper (in fact I got paid for it!) way of figuring out if I'd like to pursue a Ph.D. some day. I had a great time. It was a stretch to make it happen while working a full-time job, but the experience and the opportunity was too good to pass up. It was amazing to sit on the other side of the classroom, and have the privilege of being there as folks realize a new way of thinking about God, life, and theology; or to be a part of helping them ask better questions, or rid themselves of some unhelpful theologies. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and am looking forward to teaching Christian Theology II this spring semester.

I also officiated my first wedding a couple of weeks ago for one of Shey's cousins, and it was also a great time. Stressful at points, mostly because we were all trying to figure out how to best bring all of the details together, but when it was all said and done, it was a great time. Good food, family, friends, and two people eager to begin a new phase of their journey of life together.

Lastly, and everything isn't all said and done quite yet, but I turned in last week a manuscript for a book titled Sacred Hope for an organization in Kansas City called Barefoot Ministries, which is under the Nazarene Publishing House. It is written and geared towards students, and aimed at helping them interactively engage with the theology of hope: hope for tomorrow and hope for today. It is a short book, most likely in the 60-75 page range. I haven't received word yet if the manuscript has been accepted, so I haven't gotten my hopes totally up yet! Either way, it has been a wonderful process and a great opportunity to try to write a book. I'll keep you posted on how things work out.

I have been writing a lot for the book, and thus not writing much many other places. But writing so much over the last few months has sparked in me the desire to kick up some dust in the blog again. I forgot how much I loved writing until I was writing the book. I think the hardships surrounding Rowan's birth and Shey's back in tandem with graduating from seminary did a bigger number on me creatively, theologically, and emotionally than I was probably honest with myself about, and it showed in my lack of writing. I just wasn't at a place where I could simply be, and be in such a way where I could write transparently, even if only for myself.

So here's to 2010 and to more writing. Just in time to coincide with reading more poetry too. Love it.

great thoughts from Phyllis Tickle

2009-08-27T14:07:00.002-05:00

This is one of the best posts I have read in a long time. What do you think the new question will be? Do you think this is a critical time of change in the church?

hope in suffering

2009-07-13T19:55:00.004-05:00

I have been thinking about hope a lot lately, for a lot of reasons, namely that my son Rowan just turned one about a month ago, and that I was recently asked to write a book for students on hope in the near future with a cool publishing house out in Kansas City (more on all this when some of the details get worked out, and it becomes official). But mostly because this past year saw some difficult experiences that have taken a long time for me to spend time sitting in, reflecting on, and let change me. I can't begin to describe the amount of hours that Shey and I have spent in conversation, tears, prayer, silence, and even yelling as the pressure that suffering caused erupted into our lives.

When Rowan was born June 10, 2008, Shey had already been in the hospital for over a week with intense back pain that the doctors had been attributing to Rowan pressing on Shey's sciatic nerve, but actually was the fruition of an infection developed in the bone of her spine which was also causing severe inflammation in the muscles near the infection and dramatic pain. Watching and being with Shey as the pain intensified for over a month prior to Rowan's birth, and especially right before and after his birth...all while the doctors tried to figure out just what was actually happening, were some of the most difficult days of my short life. And then, when Rowan was born with pneumonia and air trapped outside of his lungs causing him to breathe poorly along with being premature and a few other issues, the suffering intensified into new heights. Not to mention that for the first four days of Rowan's life, Shey and Rowan were in different hospitals, literally forcing me to choose between the two of them as they took up residence 1 1/2 hours apart. After three weeks in hospitals, both Shey and Rowan would come home: Shey, barely able to move on her own, with months of slow therapy, and a lot of medicinal treatment to go; Rowan, as good as new, and a toughness to complement his easy-going personality.

There were many other hardships during those three weeks at the hospital, and certainly plenty when we made it back home, but I am not writing tonight to try to spell out all of the suffering or to make anyone have pity for me or our situation at that time. In fact, Shey has known plenty of other suffering with her only sister suffering the traumatic effects of a brain injury suffered in a car accident nearing 10 years ago. I've stood at the bedside of a student with her parents as she breathed a final breath after a battle with brain cancer at only 16. We've got close friends whose newborn has already had multiple heart surgeries, and have been greatly encouraged and impressed with their tenacity, hope, and resilience. All this to say: both Shey and I know that everyone has or will experience suffering in their life. We aren't special, we don't have any claim to fame, or even believe that we handle things like this perfectly.

But I process and reflect through writing. And I have been shying away from writing about this for a long time. Not because I haven't wanted to...but because I wanted to let the experience of last year to sink in. To try to desperately to hear the still, quiet voice of God in the suffering and hardships of the past year. To let the silence fill my heart. To let my silence give room to hear the community of people around me, and to spend my time processing things deeply with the close family and friends who gave ears to listen, and wisdom to share. And I wanted to spend this past year with my new family. Shey and I have been together for a long time now, and there was a lot we wanted to process together, and enjoy together with the new addition to our family. Not to mention, for the last three years, I had been going to seminary full time plus working full time at the church, so I wanted to take a year to slow down, enjoy living out in the country, spend time with Shey and Rowan, and heal up a bit.

I'd like to post some thoughts on hope in suffering, and how I've worked through some of the dark periods of my life, not really for any other reason than that it is time, it is time for me to speak about it out loud to others, so as to name the suffering and reflect upon the hope found in suffering. Not hope because of suffering, not hope caused or brought on by suffering, but hope in suffering. Maybe later I will unpack all that theologically. But not right now.

I was reading over an email recently I sent to two close friends at a pinnacle of the hospital stay, as it was one of those emails that just comes out, like when you have to throw-up whether you want to or not...and I can remember a couple of words from the email, and weeping as I wrote. I wept because I had nothing to give, nothing that I was holding back, and I knew these two guys would be there and had already been there to listen. To hear me. To give ears, hearts, hands, and knees to the pain they both were watching me and my family experience, and go through with us too, as they shared in depths of the darkness with us. And the next morning, when I finally talked to and/or saw those guys, I experienced in a new way why Jesus necessarily had to come to earth. Why Jesus had to be a person, a living breathing, blood-in-the-veins, scraped hands, dirty feet, smelly of a person: namely, because hope is always embodied. Hope takes shape. Hope in some distant place isn't the grandest hope to me, hope found in others helps to give life meaning and possibility when suffering seems to be closing every door. And those two guys in numerous ways embodied hope and made it real, being living light in the stormy clouds of life's grey shadows.

And hope took shape when our families surrounded us, or my parents hopped on a plane the moment I called them for help. Or when moms, friends, kind nurses, or family stayed with Shey or with Rowan when I couldn't be with one of them. Hope embodied is the best hope of all. It is the perfect blend of hope that changes the present and the future. Hope embodied in voices singing to my son when I couldn't hold his hand, hope embodied in friends who helped Shey to laugh when tears had been the only words spoken, or friends who let the silence speak...and simply were present with us in that silence that speaks a thousand words without a sound ever being made. Or kind emails, voicemails, hospital visits, flowers, all signs, markers, reminders of a hope made real. This isn't some pie-in-the-sky hope. This isn't some "well one day things will be better hope." This is hope eternal changing the present reality. This is embodied hope that changed me. That gave hope in suffering, because it was embodied in others, when I couldn't find it in myself, or have the eyes to see it.

Does this mean that there isn't hope for the future, or that embodied hope is the only kind of hope? Surely not. But the embodied hope of today, is a marker, a sign, a cosmos-altering way of being in the world that actually makes a difference. As Jesus says so beautifully in teaching us to pray, "May God's will be done on earth as in heaven," amen. Amen. Hope embodied is hope that can illuminate the darkness of suffering. It doesn't remove the pain of suffering, or make anything easy. But it is real. And it is present.

pluralism and portable faith

2009-05-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

There is a great post over on Pomomusings in Adam Walker Cleaveland's series on Pluralism 2.0 that has brought a host of great writers, thinkers, bloggers, theologians and more to discuss what it means to be in a Christian in a time of profound religious interaction and discussion amongst a variety of faith traditions in our country and world. And this post by Brian McLaren helps to ask some of the most important questions that I believe Christians should be asking today. The two paragraphs that I think if most of McLaren's critics read would settle a lot of the bickering, and also I think pointedly address faith in our current context:

"At the end of the day, I know myself to be an evangelist at heart. I believe the good news of Jesus Christ is good news for all people. I am eager to offer the gift of Jesus and his good news to all people, whatever their religion. I am eager to help all people, whatever their religious identity, to “taste and see” how good God is, and to take on Jesus’ yoke so we will experience together his meekness and gentleness of heart. I am not a relativist in the sense of believing that beliefs don’t matter and that all viewpoints are equally valid or invalid.

But my confidence is in Jesus and his gospel - my confidence is not in us and our religious systems or institutions. I don’t think any religion - including my own - “owns” Jesus or has proprietary rights on his gospel of the kingdom of God. The good news taught by and embodied in Jesus is, I am discovering, far better than the half-good/half-bad version many of us were taught."

So tonight the youth are meeting for a mini-retreat called "Creating a Portable Faith." We are keeping with the traditional get a new t-shirt at the retreat deal, but this time it is going to be simple and helpful. It is a simple charcoal colored shirt with a lime-green port-o-potty on the front. Our aim for this retreat is to help the students to develop a portable faith...a faith they can take on the road with them. So we are gathering around 5 practices: Story, Listening to God, Community, Exercise, and Conversation in which we help will begin and build on some tools that they need to have or need to sharpen to help them to explore questions of life, faith, God, relationships, theology, doubt, fear, and all that life throws at them. I couldn't be more excited for my good friend Stephen Gray to join us and lead us on this retreat and through not only the series of five mini-talks, but also through the experiential and applied learning exercises and practices to go with them. It's going to be a fantastic time and I'm really excited to see how this stuff gets fleshed out in student's lives.

You may be wondering why even do anything like this...and the truth is, we are seeing that in most faith traditions and parachurch organizations somewhere between 80-95% of students within one year of graduating high school are not part of any faith community be it church or otherwise. And we hope by giving the students the tools they need to navigate their faith or questions about faith, etc. that we are trusting God to continue to work and speak into their lives while also preparing them to think critically and significantly about the profound beauty and complex mysteries of life.

Tonight Stephen will invite students to hear the story of his life and how that has become included into the story of God's mission and love for the world, and will invite students to reflect on their life story and how that interacts with the story of God. Then after some grub, we will discuss how to listen to God, and talk about prayer as listening and creating space for God to speak...not just for us to speak. Then we will spend the night at some different students' houses and then meet for breakfast to talk about community and the importance of connecting and processing the story of God and the profound beauties and complex mysteries of life in a community. And also how the community is a community on mission that seeks to include others rather than exclude. Then we will talk about how exercise is important as it helps us to physically communicate with others, God, and also effects our self-image which in turn effects how we relate to God and others. Lastly we wil talk about conversation as a value, about the importance of relating and being in conversation with people who think, believe, and act differently than us, believing that by being in converation with others we will be able to hear God speak in new ways.

It is going to be a great and packed 20 hours, but I couldn't be more excited to flesh out and put into practice some of the conversations I've had with folks like Stephen, Tom Lynch, Chris McPeek, Chris Folmsbee, Seth, Todd Cullop, and others. Please pray for us, and I hope to share some reflections on this experience here on the blog and next Sunday, June 7th when I preach next!

performance art

2009-05-26T10:34:00.002-05:00

I went to the 9:30 Club last night with a crew of high school students to see The National, a band that Seth introduced me to a couple years ago. If you haven't had a chance to see them play or hear any of their music, chances are you might have heard them last year during the election when Obama's campaign used their song "Fake Empire" for one of his campaign commercials. Hailing from Cincinnati, Ohio, the original 4-man band has expanded to include a wide variety of friends during their recording processes (including none other than Sufjan Stevens, as well as Marla Hansen & Colin Stetson, and numerous others) and many others while on tour, often having a wind ensemble and keyboard/piano/accordian player with them as well.

Last night's show was a powerful cocktail of sad songs, tails of broken relationships, layers upon layers of sound, rising and falling in the story and music, and astounding energy. I was talking with Ben Owsley on the way home about art and the power of live music, when I stumbled upon something that I have forgotten as life has become busy with work, study and new adventures in my career in combination with the joys and upheavals that come in marriage and Rowan, namely: good art can inspire change. Somewhere during "Secret Meeting" and "Baby, We'll Be Fine" I sensed a stirring within my being that I hadn't felt in a while, a sense of something transcendent and yet imminent, hopeful yet doubted, ethereal and yet down deep in my toes. Good art changes the person experiencing it in such a way that we aren't the same person after the experience. Good art, and for me a good live set of music, awakens an often dormant awareness of the world around me, the hope within me, and the power to change the world in which I live for the better.

Last night was one of those experiences when I realized just how important it is to be connected to good performance art, to take the time out for my soul to drink lavishly in the creation, experiences, and insights of another person. Shey has always understood this much better than me, and is so much more sensitive to the importance of fostering spaces for creativity and honest relfection, and recognizes the danger and loss when those spaces shrink or cease to exist. And last night I think I began to understand for the first time in any such way that I could express into words just why I think experiencing performance art is so important.

Because even though so many of the songs are dark twisted stories of doubt, failures, misunderstood relationships, and cultural shortcomings, the music communicated hope in the midst of it all. A hope that believes change is possible, real, and integral. Last night brought about an awareness in me of the importance of regularly experiencing performance art for the good of my whole being. And if you get a chance, check out The National. Alligator and Boxer are two phenomenal albums.

hello world

2009-05-14T06:42:00.001-05:00

I think there are a lot of reasons why I don't blog as much as I'd like to. I think the novelty of writing in a format that is often imprecise, immediate, and often unbalanced is sort of nerve-wracking for me has finally worn off. It's really hard for me to let go of things in such a way as to let others see my processing and messiness, not because I think that I should hide or am ashamed of how I am processing life, faith, family, relationships, theology, God, etc....but more because I don't want to write things that are boring and unhelpful and a waste of everyone's time. It's like listening to a new album of music, being excited about a song or two, but overall, finding the majority of the experience boring and lacking creativity or excitement. I'm an album kind of person. If you were to take a look into my iTunes library...you wouldn't find many singles, or individual songs for an artist. I think the one song makes sense within a larger whole, and helps give its parts a stronger and more significant meaning when understood in the right environment. I used to have a rule in fact that I wouldn't listen to a new album until I had time to listen to the whole album all the way straight through. I'd lay on my bed and listen to an album, trying to hear the sounds, the words, and simply let the art wash over me. And sometimes, only a couple of songs would be any good, but I tend to gravitate towards musicians and bands who put together cohesive albums...which often stretch me into new places or new appreciations. But sometimes the things I am thinking about are really boring, or often lacking deep insight for many other people, but are fun for me to think about...e.g. stupid Onion articles, birds, etc.

But I think that I have started to realize that I need writing. I need the imprecise, journal style, unbalanced, messy format of writing and thinking. My brain is becoming overloaded with things I need to think about, and I just need to get it out. Maybe to all of you who are no longer reading because of my inadequate and infrequent postings, I may start writing about more therapeutic things for me (like the thought process behind considering a Ph.D., or teaching a diploma level theology class next semester, or possibly publishing a book about hope for students in a youth ministry line of books), that I will always love feedback about, or would love any thoughts someone else might have to help along the way.

I still hope to have some laughs, stir up the pot, and to keep up the conversations with friends that live far away, or I don't get to see as much, or whose thinking continues to influence and affect me. I'd like to share more random pictures of the garden, of birds, of life...and I will try to use this space to process for me, what is happening in my life, to share with others for sure, but most importantly, so that I keep up the habit of writing, processing, reflecting, and changing into the person that I believe God is inviting me to be.

Review: The Great Emergence

2009-05-06T19:43:00.002-05:00

I have been using Phyllis Tickle's prayer guides called the Divine Hours which are broken up into three volumes based on the seasons of the year (Springtime, Summer, Fall & Winter) off and on for the last couple years as manuals, guides, starting points, tethers, and sparks to my spiritual journey with God and others. It has been refreshing to pray scripture, to pray prayers that have been passed down through the hands of church, to have something to come back to when a lot of days I feel like I have nothing to give. And perhaps most importantly, they have helped me to develop a second naivete, a second chance at approaching the sacred texts of scripture informed by my knowledge from seminary (for I certainly cannot forget it or act as though I am unchanged by it) and yet move beyond an expository reading of scripture or prayers, but rather to let the words inhabit me, change me, and trigger my imagination.

But this isn't a review of the prayer manuals, but a review of Tickle's slim but momentous work titled The Great Emergence: How Christianity is Changing and Why released late in 2008. This short work is a broad and introductory overview to the major upheavals Christianity has experienced roughly every 500 years. Tickle of course recognizes that there is about a hundred and fifty years of turmoil and boiling leading up to the time when Christianity erupts into something new and different, which takes another 150 years to be worked out, followed by years of relative stability, new authority, and change, until the authorities and structures are questioned and the collective story of Christianity undergoes another great change. For a brief insight think: 500 A.D. Gregory the Great and Monastics perpetuate the faith despite the fall of the Roman Empire, 1054 A.D. The Great Schism the mutual excommunication of the Roman Church and the Eastern Church of one another, 1517 A.D. The Great Reformation, and now in 2009 we find ourselves in the midst of The Great Emergence.

One of the reasons I went to The John Leland Center for Theological Studies is that they teach the important doctrines of the church in a special way, they teach them rooted in a historical context. They don't offer systematic theology classes, but rather the subjects or doctrines of systematic theology in a historical and contextual setting. It makes it more difficult, or at least makes one slow up before calling someone else a heretic, when we see that most folks throughout the history of the church who fell onto the wrong side of where the church believes actually was not trying to do something evil or wrong, or even lead the church or world astray, but rather were trying to make sense of the impenetrable mysteries of God and the world in such a way that would be helpful to others.

So I like this book a lot because it helps to put the major changes in the structure, authority, and life of the church into a historical context, making it more difficult to make a villain out of one group or one particular way of thinking. It is clear though, that in these times of great upheavals, the old guard is going to be strong, hoping to preserve the remnant of their authority and power, in such a way as to advocate the status quo, and remain traditionalists to the their core. Which is great, those folks will help to anchor the story through their long line of tradition, theology, and questions, while those in the center will be partaking in the upheaval while in communication with those in the corners preserving their current position.

Tickle's book is a thoughtful and needed historical perspective on the current state of Christianity that is accessible to readers of various backgrounds. Her state of the union for Christianity is extremely helpful in finding one's bearings amongst the great sea of change, and helps to ask some of the most important questions of our time, namely, 'Where now is the authority?' Her explorations of where the authority resided in previous time periods is examined most fully for the time period of The Great Emergence, where uncertainty, the Holy Spirit, and experience have come into the forefront of discussion and provide for illuminating insights into the current scientific, theological, historical, and philosophical landscapes.

If you are in for a brief, hair-blowing, monumental work written by my guess a late 70 year-old woman, then this is the book for you. I don't think you'll be disappointed, and you just might learn some things about yourself and figure out that you have some decisions about where you'll fit in to this whole "Great Emergence" thing. If anyone hears that Tickle is looking to have some surrogate grandchildren, let me know, I'd love to hear more of the stories and insights she has about the future of Christianity sitting around the dinner table some time.

Review: The Fidelity of Betrayal

2009-05-06T19:06:00.003-05:00

I like Peter Rollins' work a lot as many of you might have guessed, even while I don't agree with everything, I find his books extremely helpful. So I thought I'd review Peter Rollins' book The Fidelity of Betrayal: Towards a Church Beyond Belief. A couple of months ago I had the opportunity to hear Rollins speak at a lecture series from my seminary, and it was a fascinating and great experience to hear Rollins come alive as he sparked imaginations, told stories, and laughed a lot...the way philosophy should be discussed in my opinion. He was humble, generous, and thoughtful in the way he engaged with responses from the crowd and faculty. It was great to have a couple of minutes to talk with him after his lecture, and while he rocked the boat a little bit, I don't think that he did it with a spirit of arrogance or attack.

Anyways, I read his latest book that was out at the time (he had a new book The Orthodox Heretic come out about a week ago) The Fidelity of Betrayal and found it to be a helpful read, especially in his discussion of reading the Bible with a second naivete (HT: Paul Ricoeur), which is an informed reading of the text, that is devotional and transformational in its aims, informed of course by the knowledge and previous experience one brings to the text yet with a second naivete that inspires new readings and understandings.

I also appreciated his discussion of the mystery of God brought near in Jesus. Rollins writes, "The mystery of God is not dissipated in Christ but brought near. Is this not the key to understanding the idea of transcendence within Christianity, a term that describes a way of breaking the here/elsewhere dichotomy of near and far through the idea of an immanence so deep and impenetrable that it cannot be approached? The myster of God now dwells among us rather than standing above us (pp. 53-54)." The point Rollins was making in describing the Incarnation was a bigger point in his discussion of truth, the biblical text, and the Word of God, namely that we will never be able to learn everything there is to learn or understand all that there is to understand about Jesus, the Bible, God, the mystery of God, theology, etc. not because God is unknowable, but because God's immanence ruptures into time and space, into real history in such a way that it shatters the ability to speak in any way about God, or an interpretation of the text that is final or the last word.

So the larger picture is that the church must be willing to deny its own beliefs in order to faithfully follow God. It must resist the tempation to name God in some final or all-encompassing manner. Rollins' writes further, "the deep truth of Christianity is not found in the acceptance of some particular historical claim. Rather, it refers to a happening testified to within the Bible that cannot be reduced to words, confined in concepts, or divulged by definitions (113)."

I enjoyed this book a lot, not as much as his first book, How (Not) to Speak of God which is in my top 10 of all time books at this point in my short life, but still worth a read if you are interested in postmodern theology and philosophy. Here's a pic from the evening when I heard him speak...a great night to hear someone whose work has meant a lot to me over the last couple of years.

Malcolm preaches at Cornerstone

2009-05-03T20:40:00.001-05:00

So apparently i can now text my blog and post to it. Pretty cool. Enjoy a pic of Ro. I had a pretty great day today, Malcolm Goodspeed preached at our church today, who was a professsor at Leland, who reached out to me as I was a new pastor. Malcolm is a retired minister from England with one of the most generous and humble spirits that I know of. It was great to catch up with him this week and for Shey and Rowan to be able to meet Malcolm and his wife Ann. He preached on prayer out of weakness and pain. And it was one of the best sermons that i have heard on Romans 8 ever. God joins us in our weakness, our mundane, our routines, our suffering and cries out with us in groans for which words simply do not suffice. I have been thinking a lot about the difficulties of last summer for Rowan and Shey as Rowan is nearly a year old in one more month. And Malcolm's sermon reminded me of the
presence of God I felt from friends, and the cries that lept out of me as I layed crumpled before God.

the onion = amazing

2009-02-24T18:23:00.003-05:00

I still have a regular old-school Nintendo that I bust out from time to time with the students from church, and while our original Nintendo is no more, towards the end of the reign of the first Nintendo after our first one busted, we bought the modified, space-saver edition. Anyway, I lived in a house which we called "Spreadgun" after the best gun in the first Contra game. We thought it was awesome, we made t-shirts with the blazing C from the Contra emblem made into an S with the word Spreadgun on the front. On the back of the shirt we had the code for 30 Lives (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, Start, or Select, Start for 2 Player). We thought we were so creative. Anyway, now that my dorkiness is all out in public. I couldn't help but crack up at this: Man Finally Unpauses 'Super Mario Bros.' After 18 Years of Chores. I can totally remember pausing the game for chores, sleep, or because I wasn't supposed to be playing and didn't want to lose the game (I mean, there was no saving games at that time.)

I didn't watch the dunk contest this year for the NBA, but I heard a lot about it, and this article made me laugh out loud: Nate Robinson Jumping Over Dwight Howard In Every Day Life.

And lastly, I thought Seth and Tim would like this t-shirt.

can't wait

2009-02-23T19:00:00.002-05:00

I'm going to see The National in May, with a couple of high school folks, including the one and only Ben Owsley. It should be a lot of fun. Actually, it is going to be way more than fun, it might be one of the best concerts since I saw Sufjan a couple years back. I can't wait.

On a completely different note, but still something I am really looking forward to, one of my favorite philosophers/theologians is speaking as a part of The Leland Distinguished Speakers Series (previously N.T Wright) on Thursday night. His name is Peter Rollins. He's talking about his most recent book The Fidelity of Betrayal: Towards a Church Beyond Belief, and the tour is called Lessons in Evandelism. It will be a provocative, fun, and thoughtful evening. Starts at 7:30 up in Arlington. If anyone is interested in coming with me, just let me know.

life outside the church and fundamentalism

2009-02-11T19:56:00.003-05:00

There are two posts from two of my favorite writers, thinkers, theologians and philosophers that I thought were important to point out.

First is part two of Brian Walsh's ongoing discussion how folks who are thinking in some progressive categories are frustrated with those who are "not getting it." In this post, he talks a lot about ways that the kingdom of God is being created outside of the walls of churches (and I'm not talking about buildings here). The hope is for an inspired and liberated imagination in contrast to an imperial imagination. Good stuff.

Second is a post from Peter Rollins. Rollins is one of my favorite current philosophers who is helping to explode the current paradigms of theology, philosophy, and the idolatry of conceptions of God. This post is titled: Fundamentalism isn't too violent, it isn't violent enough. Rollins points out that Dr. King and Mother Theresa are the true models of violence through pacifism ( I know, sounds crazy), by their willingness to follow to his most radical form of violence, that of pacifist subversion. Again good stuff.

If you like Rollins and live in the DC area, or simply want to be a part of a great conversationon February 26, 2009, he will be lecturing for the evening at Memorial Baptist Church in Arlington, VA as part of a distinguished speaker series for The John Leland Center for Theological Studies where I received my M.Div. The event is free, and from Leland they write:

The Leland Distinguished Speakers Series will present "Lessons in Evandelism: The Fidelity of Betrayal," a lecture by Peter Rollins on Thursday, on February 26, at 7:00 p.m. hosted by Memorial Baptist Church in Arlington.

Through a mix of parables, philosophy and discussion, Rollins will explore the current religious landscape of contemporary expressions of faith that claim to rethink Christianity for a new cultural epoch. He contends that what is needed are groups who offer a new way of thinking that not only challenges the way we express our faith but fundamentally ruptures the way we understand it. He will argue that these pockets of resistance represent a growing, organic movement that are proclaiming the death of God, church and religion as we know them in prepraration for their resurrection in a radically different form.

The author of How (Not) to Speak of God, The Fidelity of Betrayal, and an upcoming book of parables entitled, The Orthodox Heretic, Rollins is also the founder of ikon, a non-doctrinal, pub-based community in Ireland that offers a cocktail of live music, visual imagery, soundscapes, theater, ritual and reflection in its exploration of contemporary faith and life. Rollins holds a Ph.D. in Post-Structural Theory from Queens University of Belfast and has taught various aspects of continental philosophy, phenomenology and emerging church theology at such venues as Cambridge University, Princeton Theological Seminary and Yale Theological Seminary.

If you are interested in attending, let me know we can carpool.

on writing, empire, and hope for the future

2009-02-06T09:57:00.004-05:00

It is most easy for me to spend time reading, thinking, and talking about the possibilities of the future rather than to live in the present in such a way that the future becomes a reality in my own life. Dreams of a Ph.D. Dreams of pastoring in an experimental community. Consuming less, conserving more. Living in greater honesty with friends and colleagues. Loving Shey better. Being a better dad. All of these things and more are always mulling around in my mind, sometimes shaking up inside of me until the already of my present life explodes and irrupts into the present, bringing about more creative and thoughtful action. But other times, those dreams, hopes, and ideas simply corrode my insides, and bubble inside my brain until it feels like my insides are melting, and the future of which I hope to live into and see lived out, is but a folklore and mythological story faintly heard on the distant horizon.

I think oftentimes it is because I want to blame others for my shortcomings, blame others for the incaction that leads to my consumption, and blame others for their unwillingness to live as I want them to live. While writing, and writing on a regular basis helps me to process, think, and reflect on my life and the world around me in such a way that it give hope and meaning to my experiences, it can also create a tension of the already but not yet of my life: the already of changes in the last few years into the theological, practical, and experiential person that I am today. The not yet, of the possibilities and changes that the coming years still hold ahead.

I was reading a post from one of my new favorite blogs called Empire Remixed, which is a collaboration of authors, writers, and bloggers examining what it means to be a people of the kingdom of God in an age of consumerism, national religion, and postmodernism, that struck a chord within me. One of my favorite books that has humbled me to no end is Colossians Remixed: Subverting the Empire by Brian Walsh and Sylvia Keesmaat (they are husband and wife), which explores kingdom living inthe context of the age described above. One of the top 10 books of my short life so far.

Brian Walsh wrote in a post yesterday titled On "Not Getting It" and the Virtue of Humility that it is important to approach those who we feel like "don't get it" with humility first and foremost. It is so easy to create an us vs. them scenario where one side is all right, and the other side all wrong. But life is so much more complicated than this, and to speak of people and situations with the same predjudice that we are actually decrying, can itself become a huge problem in moving forward with radical reconciliation and hope.

So this morning, when the future seems to be looming in on my life in such a way that I want to run, or blame others for the shortcomings I see, or at the very least hide from my insecurities, I want to show some humility, and realize that like others, I too am in process, in need of some humility in the way that I view myself and others. The change that friends and I have talked about does not usually happen overnight, but on those days when the already of my life breaks into the hopeful future of God's kingdom, I want to be ready, open, and have eyes to see the good and hope that exists in the present, and have humility in looking forward.

Can I get an Amen?

2009-02-04T15:31:00.001-05:00

Quite a good idea to me, you know the whole praying thing.

(HT: Internet Monk)

excited

2009-01-20T09:57:00.002-05:00

So I am sitting in the office waiting for someone to arrive at the church office to replace the broken windshield on the church van, watching cnn.com live. So much has happened and changed for my family in this past year, that it has been hard to slow down and process the amount of good and also difficult things that have taken place. But sitting here this morning, in the quiet office, listening to the radio and watching things online, seeing the excitement of people on the mall, or hearing the stories of folks traveling hundreds or thousands of miles to be at the inauguration has been powerful for me. I heard a story on NPR this morning of an African-American woman who is 105 years old, who has seen so much change, experienced so much discrimination, and who would stop at nothing to make her way to DC with the help of some folks to witness with her own eyes, an event that she never thought she would live to see. And on one hand I am struck by the enormity of this situation, of the significance of an event today that perhaps stretches beyond words, and exemplifies a tide of change and restored hope in the power of goodness, kindness and service towards others. But on the other hand, I am amazed at the simplicity and innate importance of relationships and life stories. To even stop for a second this morning and reflect on the life experiences that this woman had in her 105 years of life, and how those experiences have shaped her and formed her into the person she is today, is humbling and simply inspiring.

Recently, as my son Rowan is starting to watch the movements of his mom and I more closely, and interact in ways that try to elicit a response from us, I realize that Rowan will be growing up in a world that is different than mine. One in which race, sexuality, religion, and hyper-connectivity will be or will continue to be issues to be worked out in the global village...but I have some newfound hope for him today. That perhaps differences can actually be overcome. That perhaps race will not divide us as it once has in this country. That the world and life experiences which form him, will not be steeped in as much ignorance as the generations before him. A world in which the relationships and life stories of the women, children, and men whose lives were often ignored or cast aside as the losers of history, or purposely forgotten for the sake of progress, that these life stories will rise to the surface and help remind us all of our shared humanity and need for humility.

I know that Rowan is not aware of what is happening on an intellectual level today, but I am excited for him, and I hope that he can feel the excitement and hope in his mom and I today as we rejoice over this moment of history. And I look forward to Rowan growing up in light of the hopeful change that is taking place today at the inauguration of our new president. May the grace of God be with Obama and his family, and may we each do our part, not to make America great, but to unite in our shared humanity, to celebrate both the beauty and significance of this day, while also do our best to listen to the stories of those who had once been discriminated, left out, and ignored so that we may not repeat the mistakes of the past or leave untold the stories of those who are most easily forgotten.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

a new day

2008-11-07T10:43:00.002-05:00

Well, honestly, I feel like I am getting hours back of my days to read other things besides politics stuff. By no means is the hard work and change already set in stone for Obama, and his presidency is one that I am both looking forward to and anxious to see in action, but right now, it is just nice to slow down from all the drama of the last couple of weeks of debates, discussions, blogs, newspapers, etc. and enjoy the victory. In case you were wondering I did vote for Obama, and while there are certain issues that I disagreed with him on, and hope he will produce some lasting change (perhaps a discussion of another post), I had no false hopes in believing that either candidate would be capable of doing all they promised, nor am I stacking my chips in the governements corner. But that probably has more to do with my ecclesiology than anything else.

I am looking forward to Rowan growing up in this new day however. It is really important to me that Rowan got to be there when his mother and father helped to elect the first African-American president. It is important to me that Rowan is going to live in a country capable of electing a president of a darker hue. It was powerful for me to sit with Rowan last night and tell him a story of this historic election. It was amazing to pray with Rowan for our first African-American president, that God would be with him and his family. I honestly didn't think that I would see this happen in my lifetime...but I couldn't be happier, especially in terms of Rowan never having to wonder "Is it possible?" That new day is here.

I thought McCain's concession speech was the best one I've seen from him. It seemed genuine, heartfelt, and I think that if he had spoken with that kind of tone throughout his campaign, he might of had a better chance of winning. I sincerely hope that he and Obama will be able to work together for some lasting change in the near future.

On a completely different note...I'm in the ordination process. I submitted my paper yesterday, and meet for my ordination council next Wednesday, and the service is set for Dec. 7 during our normal worship gathering (pending a positive recommendation from the council of course!). It's kind of crazy to be here at this place in my life. There are some good folks on my ordination council so hopefully it will be a great time. Of course it makes me a little nervous, but I'm thinking that they won't try to make things too controversial, so let's hope that things go smoothly!

hoping to avoid disappointment and disillusionment

2008-10-17T07:42:00.003-05:00

Sometimes being interested at all in politics feels like a large and overwhelming process of simply hoping to avoid disappointment and disillusionment. A large part of me thinks that voting and a lot of the political process and governmental machine is an impractical and unrealistic vehicle in which to place hope and trust for real change. This is not to say that I don't think that at times our government or other governments have practiced elements of justice and goodness in our world, but in the spirit of many of the prophets of old, and in the spirit of many of the new, it is really hard to justify spending so much time reading, watching, and thinking about structures of power that seem to be spinning its wheels in mud that just ends up leaving the car stuck, and the people trying to push the car out from behind dirty and covered in mud.

I've given a lot of serious consideration to not voting this election. Maybe it just isn't worth it. Maybe I just need to spend time living the changes I hope to see and stop reading things that just make me mad or disappointed. Maybe voting is participating in a structure that ultimately goes against what I think are the hopes and dreams of God for our world. Is voting actually making me complicit with the "powers that be" in a way that I am to be held responsible for its crimes or failures that perpetuate violence, socio-economic injustice, racist tendencies, or exploitation in the name of freedom and democracy?

But this post, by Anthony Smith (Musings of a Postmodern Negro), struck a cord in my heart about a month and a half ago. It's a perspective that I haven't been able to shake. I think that it helps to articulate for me a sense of appropriated participation in government. Anthony helps me to reconcile some of my issues of participation in government because he points out a couple of important issues (not that these are all clear from his post, but hit on some things I have been thinking about):

1) Not voting is only a viable choice of a privileged people who have not known what it is like to not have the right to vote
2) Participation in government, especially in terms of voting can provide a change in leadership that certainly matters and will imply different policies, practices, and actions.
3) A lesser evil is still a lesser evil, and since my deepest hope is in another King and Kingdom, as long as I recognize the powers that be for who and what they are in contrast to this alternative way of living, participation in the governmental structures are still really important.
4) It is really important to remember the sin and inequality of the past and to work hard to discern how that impacts the present and will continue to inform the future if change is not sought in the here and now.

So, I am going to be voting this election. I am going to vote, because it is my responsibility as a follower of Jesus to do my best to hear the voice of the marginalized and voice-less in our country and abroad, i.e. the voice of my neighbors, and do my best to vote for the person and administration that will enact more of the practices that make equal the playing field economically, live out justice, break down walls of racial discrimination, are less violent, and more helpful to all people, not just the ones who typically benefit from the system. Voting to look out only for me and my pocket book and my own moral choices cannot be the only viable option (or perhaps a viable option at all in many circumstances?).

But I am voting not as one who is placing all my chips on the government to be the best hope for the world. I have no false conceptions that our government (or any government for that matter) is capable of fulfilling the hopes and dreams of God for our world in a finalized or fully realized manner. While governments may participate and play a role in justice being lived out, the kingdom of God and governments are not synonymous, and it is when they become synonymous that as Christians we must speak up and offer another voice because a lot of things have been done in the name of God and country that certainly cannot be of God. So I am going to be voting this year. And I will keep paying attention, but I will place my hope in a kingdom that is for the here and now, but is not controlled by one government, one political party, or perpetuated through violence. So here is to hoping to avoid disappointment and disillusionment by participating in the political process with an ear open to the truth-tellers of our generation.

really? i mean seriously...

2008-10-16T14:38:00.003-05:00

Republicans advocating Waterboarding Obama?

GOP women put Obama's face on mock food stamp currency.

The articles say enough. Shey's quote about Republicans seems to be true, that McCain was banking on many Americans being more racist than sexist. Sad stuff.

100th post and a revelation/question

2008-10-14T10:37:00.003-05:00

So 100 posts. Took me way too long to get here. Writing is something that I love doing, but in the craziness of life with a child, or life in seminary, or life as a youthworker, it seems like the days just go by too quickly and I'm not slowing down to process and reflect and write. I am a much better person when I write often. It helps me to see the good in others and the world around me. It helps me to process the changing light as it hits the trees outside my windows as the seasons move from summer to fall. Writing at once both helps me to find my voice and also doubt it and challenge it into new places. I am working on creating a new rhythm or rule of life right now, and I'd like blogging to be a part of it, because I know that writing is good for my soul and good for my awareness of the world. But I won't sit here and make some vain promise to blog twice a week for the next year or anything, and I don't want the blog to become a chore. But I would like to be more disciplined in my writing practices...and well, I've sucked at it as of late. It's been way easier on the family blog to put up cute pictures and videos of our little boy...but spend less time reflecting on the changes it has brought.

So this is post 100...and at the beach I had a revelation/question. My revelation: outside showers are better than inside showers. period. they just are. my question is, why don't houses in the country have outside showers? why limit the amazingness to the beach? shey tells me it's because they are practical at the beach where you need to wash the sand off before coming inside...and i say boo to that. i want a country house where i can stand outside, take a shower and see the stars above. if we ever own a house in the country or at least where the neighbors couldn't see us all the time...first thing to be added: outside shower. done and done.

one last thing: we went to the beach last week (which was amazing and quite needed rest) and how did the leaves start changing so quickly? nothing seemed to be changing when we left last monday, and then boom, we are home on saturday and the leaves are turning quick. has the leaves changing snuck up on anyone else?

another sad day to be a white christian

2008-09-12T08:56:00.002-05:00

I mean seriously? (HT: Brian McLaren) Torture and evangelicals, not a good combination...and white evangelicals at that. Uh.

So I alluded to this quote in a comment in my previous post, but in Shey and I talking about politics, specifically McCain's decision to pick Palin as his running mate, Shey made a brilliant yet extremely sad point about why she thought Palin was chosen, basically Shey said: "McCain chose Palin because he was banking on voters being more racist than sexist in this election." I might add to this statement, white evangelical voters. So while I think a lot of conservative, women-can't-be-leaders evangelicals are in some sort of conundrum with Palin possibly being the #2 of the U.S. gov't, I couldn't agree with Shey more about the racist tendencies in the U.S. political arena. It is interesting that we have heard a lot about Obama's relationship to Jeremiah Wright and Wright's liberation theology and questions about racist tendencies in government and history in the U.S....but we aren't hearing nearly as much about Palin's church and their interesting record of political perspectives, not to mention some interesting theology. Greg over at the parish highlights some of the problems evangelicals might/should have with Palin's supposed family values and christian perspectives.

I have to remind the students I work with that my own parents (who are right now 52 and 51) both lived and experienced the integration of schools while in high school. That Virginia, the state I live in, was one of the worst in the formal integration of schools, as massive resistance took place in many counties around the state, some lasting years before integration was allowed. And we need not look hard at current events to see how race continues to be an important underlying issue around our country.

Again, I don't have any false hopes the Obama and Biden duo are Jesus come again, or that they are going to actually accomplish all the change they talk about...not because I think that they are bad people (nor do I think McCain and Palin are "bad") but I am really struggling with some of the perspectives on war, terrorism, healthcare, the military-industrial complex, crossing of theology/political ideology, posturing, racist tendencies, and poverty issues amongst other issues, and I honestly was scared after watching Guliani the other night, and after seeing a painting on the door to the republican headquarters on Main Street in Warrenton where Palin is decked out in furs, looking happy while holding a huge gun...I just am kind of sad with the rhetoric/tone of Republicans right now. And sometimes, I'm just ashamed of being white with the tone of people (like the first link to the recent perspectives on torture) or the ignorance of white folks in their willingness to dismiss the significance of a little ol' African-American community organizer making a difference in such a way that he might become president of the U.S. i have another post on race and voting in the works...but got to get some more work done. until then...hope folks are well.

a little vomit in my mouth

2008-09-03T21:56:00.002-05:00

Let me say first and foremost that I am not a Republican nor a Democrat. I have voted for both parties in different elections, except for president, which unfortunately I can say I voted for Bush W. both times that I have been old enough to vote. To all who thought they knew me, I'm sorry. Feel free to stone me, or laugh, or pat me on the back if need be. I've begun over the last 5 years listening to my little conscience (or Spirit?) that has helped me to see the world in some very different ways...theologically, philosophically, politically, etc. i did struggle with whether or not to vote for bush w. on round two, but ultimately voted for who i thought at the time was the lesser of two evils. This is an interesting election on many levels, but mostly I've grimaced and become disheartened over the political process in general, and wanted to join my Anabaptist brothers and sisters on most days while watching the conventions.

That being said, I don't think either of the presidential candidates and their running mates are spawns of satan. but honestly, i don't think that i have seen as many disgruntled, angry white people in one room together as i have tonight watching the former mayor of NYC Rudy Guliani's speech tonight at the republican national convention. i mean seriously. they made fun of obama being a community organizer...they literally stopped and laughed at him. it sure is something to laugh at, you know, a young black guy trying to make a difference in his neighborhood and city. they showed the faces of young white men my age who scowled with what seemed like hatred in response to Guliani's cadences. where does the anger come from? honestly, i felt like i had a little vomit in my mouth each time Guliani smiled and used terms like "energy exploration" to describe the continued vain dependence on oil through drilling in alaska and wildlife areas rather than "exploring" renewable energy. or take when Guliani emphasized McCain's willingness to go to the ends of the earth to eradicate any enemy of the US with military power, and then pointing to Palin's religion as a sign of God's affiliation with the republican party.

now i will be honest, i didn't watch all of the DNC and i haven't watched all of the RNC. i saw plenty of crap come through the DNC (which up to this point i have watched more of the DNC than the RNC), and i have been watching the RNC mostly b/c i want to try my best to hear from both sides. so, i'm not going to act like this is a balanced perspective...this is simply my reaction as i watched the RNC tonight, and i will finish watching palin's speech tomorrow (shey wanted to go to sleep so i will finish watching it tomorrow), and so far I didn't hate what she had to say for the first like 2 minutes (after the long applause introduction).

but the RNC seemed venemous. i felt dirty watching it, and while i didn't feel good watching the DNC, i didn't feel like i need to take a shower, or feel my chest tighten and cheeks become red as i did tonight watching the political drama of the RNC. there are a couple political posts brewing in my mind and have been for some time now that i'd like to work on in the coming days. i think i might tackle my views on a couple of issues and then maybe point to some others who i think are offering some interesting perspectives currently.

anybody else have some thoughts on the conventions thus far? who are you thinking about voting for...why? and please, let's be civil if any comments do come up....much love.

days are flying by

2008-08-26T21:06:00.002-05:00

I still just can't believe how fast the days fly by right now. It is hard to believe that Rowan is over two months old, and that I graduated from seminary. On this cool summer night, it seems like forever ago I was taking classes (even though I am still wrapping one up from home right now!). On one hand I can't imagine trying to go back to school, but on the other hand I can't imagine not going back. Does that make sense?

I have been making my way through a bunch of books all at the same time right now: Jesus for President, The Dark Materials Trilogy, and two schoolbooks: The History of Israel and Understanding the Old Testament. All of which have been really good. Jesus for President has helped to articulate the Anabaptist streak that runs deep in my soul, recognizing the brokenness of the current political system in the United States while also helping to stir up a more creative political and prophetic imagination for Christians in the U.S. for the upcoming election. The Dark Materials is the series by Joseph Pullman that includes The Golden Compass, one of the more recent whipping boys of evangelicals in the U.S. that are scared that the books will lead their children down the path to hell. The two schoolbooks have been good, but difficult to read when my brain feels this mushy. Thankfully Rowan has started sleeping through the night this past week, and that has helped tremendously to start reading with more clear thoughts. Anybody else reading anything good?

Also, am preaching this weekend if anyone is close by and wants to visit/hang out. No promises that my sermon won't suck, but even so, it would be fun to see you!

4 years

2008-08-14T20:16:00.003-05:00

Happy 4 years of marriage to my wonderful wife and best friend. I love you Shey! Here's to the new adventure of parenthood together. I couldn't imagine doing this without you. Thanks for loving me so well.

i can still cash in

2008-08-11T20:36:00.004-05:00

Well, so its been a while. Those of you who are close to the Hayden's know that it has been a crazy couple of months for us, including the expansion of our family, bouts with terrible infections, extended hospital visits, graduating from seminary, and overall just plain old business. For those who may be reading from afar, both literally or figuratively, or following along from my family blog which I write and share with Shey my wife, or have no idea what I am talking about...check out the family blog...it is a looong story, with a lot of drama, and there is no need to rewrite everything here. I'll share a couple of things, but otherwise, for more details and lots of great pictures, check out our family blog.

First off, Shey and I are so thankful to have a new member of our family, Rowan Joshua Hayden, born on June 10, 2008. As of my previous post, I was giving my Master's Sermon on June 3. After preaching (and passing!) my master's sermon, I went home to Shey who was having severe back pain and spasms. After not sleeping, we called for an ambulance to take Shey to the hospital, upon which we would be staying in either Fauquier or UVA Hospital for the next 3 weeks. To make a long story short, Shey ended up having osteomyelitis, being the second or third reported case of osteomyelitis occurring in a pregnant woman that has been recorded. Not a great way to be special! Rowan was born at Fauquier Hospital, and then transferred to UVA, where he stayed for two weeks receiving various treatments for a variety of issues. Thankfully Rowan has had a full and great recovery and is home and doing well. Shey's recovery was quite a bit longer, but thankfully, she too is doing a lot better and we are all home together. I'm glossing over some of the most difficult times in my married life (and life as a whole) that tore my insides out at times, but maybe later I'll unpack more of that experience here, but right now, just the basics.

Shey is one of the most amazing people I know. For sure I am biased, but she is so much tougher than me. Shey is so strong, kind, and courageous, and I couldn't have been more proud of being married to anyone in my life. And Rowan, not only is he cute, but he's got the strong spirit of his mom, and he too is a fighter and so very strong. The family has expanded to include this new little man, and I couldn't be happier than to have them both in my life!

On another completely different note: the Hayden's have also bought their first Macbook (the first we both have had together, and the first we've each had since we were kids). In fact, this is my first post from the new black macbook we bought, and so far, I couldn't be happier with our new computer. We still have some learning curves but each day gets a little easier in learning how to use our new computer. If anyone has any good tips or advice on how to get to know our macbook better, let me know!

Lastly, it is exciting to know that as little as I've posted i can still cash in on my blog and stir up some bitterness even without posting. (Glad you are back safely from Germany Seth!) I really do hope folks are well and am looking forward to getting back into the swing of posting. For the most part, I will probably keep most of the family stuff on the family blog, but I'm sure there will be some overlap, well, b/c they are my family.

So what have I missed? How are folks doing? And of course, meet Rowan:

crossroads

2008-05-28T08:18:00.005-05:00

so it's been a month since i last posted...again. i have had so much that i wanted to share, and yet the time has been blazing by. Shey's pregnancy has had some busier times than we expected, which means that I basically went to school, did schoolwork, did church work, spent time with students, helped take care of the house and Shey, then hit the repeat button. I finally got the garden planted (more on that soon) and in the meantime have turned in a Master's Sermon (see more info below) and am getting ready to graduate. It's been nice to slow down from some stuff, which by "some stuff" I mean going to class three days a week, but really, I've found more than enough to keep me busy otherwise. If you are in town and want to show a little love and support, I will be preaching my Master's Sermon next week. If it works, I'll try to record it, post the audio and manuscript. Just as an FYI: my sermon is clocking in around 20 minutes, so don't worry, I won't be preaching for an hour or anything. I'd love to hang out afterwards too if anyone would like to rejoice in the ending of school! Here is the info they sent out:

Dear Students,

Graduating Students Josh Hayden and Eric Reiser will be giving their Master’s Sermon on Tuesday, June 3^rd at 6:00 PM in the Chapel at The Leland Center.

We ask that you attend this event to show your support for these two students.

Please see the ad below for more information.

The John Leland Seminary

Announces

Graduating Student’s Josh Hayden and Eric Reiser are to give their Master’s Sermon

When

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

6:00 PM

Where

The Chapel at The Leland Center

1301 N. Hartford St. Arlington, VA 22201

PLEASE SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR THESE STUDENTS BY ATTENDING THIS EVENT

Much love to everybody. Sorry for the lack of posts. I hope you are doing well.

what is salvation?

2008-04-28T20:55:00.002-05:00

So I am wrapping up a final semester of my M.Div. (dang, that has gone fast) and I'm taking a class called "What is Salvation?" We figure it out. We finish off the perfect theology of salvation in this class. Okay, not really. In fact we don't even try to. We do explore the various theologies found in the NT, historical theologies, and contemporary theologies that highlight different perspectives and theological spaces that are created throughout the history of the church.

I was reading James Cone today for my class tomorrow night, a book called God of the Oppressed, and came across this:

"Whatever else the gospel of Jesus might be, it can never be identified with the established power of the state. Thus whatever Christians ethics might be, it can never be identified with the actions of people who conserve the status quo. This was the essential error of the early Church. By becoming the religion of the Roman state, replacing the public state sacrifices, Christianity became the opposite of what Jesus intended." (Page198)

And also this:

"Liberation as a future event is not simply otherworldly but is the divine future that breaks into their social existence, bestowing wholeness in the present situation of pain and suffering and enabling black people to know that the existing state of oppression contradicts their real humanity as defined by God's future." (Page 159)

Powerful words that seemed quite timely for me in the midst of Obama's campaign and his pastor's remarks. If you ever get a chance to read Cone, I highly recommend his profound works on God, justice, racism, liberation, and salvation. I hope for more regularly scheduled blogging as school winds down and graduation grows closer...not to mention the new addition to the Hayden family!

in case you were wondering

2008-04-09T18:57:00.005-05:00

(I know, I don't post in a month, and then twice in one day...)

Check out what we saw in the yard today!

So, yes, in case you were wondering I'm still a dork. I still watch birds. But come on, a bald eagle. That is awesome. Right in our yard.

so it has been a month...

2008-04-09T07:01:00.006-05:00

Since I last posted.

Things have been a little out of control in terms of the busyness of life lately. We have had a lot of stuff to get ready for our new family member, school is kicking my butt this semester, and church has been busy too. Shey has also had a pretty rough go lately. We had a trip to the hospital on Monday after our doctor told us that we should go since Shey hadn't been able to stop throwing up for over 5 hours, and was having heavy stomach cramps, they wanted to make sure the baby was okay, and that Shey wasn't going into early labor. After a couple bags of IV fluid, some blood tests, and more throwing up, we headed home after about5 1/2 hour stay at the hospital on Monday evening/night. Our little man is well and Shey is well (in terms of the her blood work, not the throwing up part). But we are pretty beat. Just when you hope things would quiet down a bit so that you can hold the craziness together, it seems to have gotten busier.

But during this time, I've been reading some good stuff at school, listening to some great music, and seen some funny things, and had some interesting thoughts on politics, missiology, being a dad, poetry, Harry Potter, and bumper stickers. There is no way that I can even explain all that, but I thought that I'd throw out a couple of things that have been good for the soul as of late, and maybe a snarky comment or two about some missiology stuff.

First off, I finished the series of Harry Potter over spring break. Dang, it was really good. I wanted to hate that series so much, and think it was going to be a waste of time, thoughts, and energy, but it was sooo good. So much better than Chronicles of Narnia, on par with Lord of the Rings, and just a beautiful read overall. Some of the books made me weep over the sense of family, friendship, the intricacies of life and death, love, stubbornness, and community. It made me sad that I lived through the creation of those books and didn't read them as they were coming out...that I didn't get to embrace the excitement and longing for each book. On a completely different side note, but tied in with both Harry Potter and politics, I saw this bumper sticker this week on my way to school and laughed out loud:

While I haven't been writing on the blog, I have been doing a lot of schoolwork, and reading some blogs still. April's last three posts have been some of the best posts I've read in a while, you can find them here, here, and here. The McCarty's have been sharing some great pics from the farm, and have been a delight to read: in a post/letter to Wendell Berry, marriage/parenting, and being a parent and its change in the relationship between spouses. I read a roundtable discussion with Derrida, transcribed by John Caputo with his commentary on the discussion in a book called Deconstruction in a Nutshell that is a really good read, it made me laugh out loud (how often does philosophy do that?) and it was insightful in so many ways, specifically in articulating why people get so upset with postmodernism, and especially deconstruction. I've been reading some W.S. Merwin and have forgotten how good poetry is for the soul.

I have been really interested in the political stuff going down, especially the comments of Obama's pastor, and thought that The Postmodern Negro had one of the most helpful posts in how to approach and have helpful categories with which to talk about the issues. I have a lot I'd like to say, but little time to say it especially after reading James Cone last year which was amazing, so I'll point you to Anthony's post. I will say this however...I grew tired quickly of a bunch of rich white people speaking their mind about the situation like they were experts on either a) black theology or 2) racism. Lest we not forget, my parents (who just turned 50) went to segregated schools in VA that had to be integrated in Northern VA, near DC. Let's not forget the context of words like Pastor Wright whose life story has been informed by racism in ways that we must be careful not to forget.

Lastly, I mean seriously, what is this stuff from Dare 2 Share? I got a little flyer from them today, and one of the stories/testimonies that they share in the flyer to convince you to bring students says: "Before the D2S conference, my daughter was as likely to cough her lung up through her nose and reinsert it through her ear as to evangelize her friends. But the very night she got home from the conference she was simultaneously sharing her faith with four friends (including a Muslim she barely knew from one of her classes) on IM. Because she attended the conference with friends it's now normal for them all to share their faith. 'All my friends are doing it, Dad.' Wow! (italics mine)"

Seriously, this arrogance is what makes me crazy! She assumes, after one small conference, and a good dose of guilt that her story is better than the Muslim student, who she barely knows, and begins a conversation with them to convert them to their story. Where is the humility here? Is this kind of proclamation so easily assumed to be better than sharing life with people and having relationships rooted in reality rather than false conceptions of the "other"? Is anybody else catching the arrogance or humility in this way of "evangelizing?" I'm all for understanding mission and living/sharing good news, but this kind of stuff, especially in youth ministry is frustrating and prideful.

Anyway. sorry for the long post, but i hope folks are well. school ends in about another month. hopefully i will get to post more in the coming weeks...but no promises. much love to all.

The Justice Mission

2008-03-09T14:53:00.006-05:00

Tonight the youth and I will be finishing up our last lesson in The Justice Mission curriculum. I'm not much of a curriculum kind of guy, but after some great recommendations from Seth, we embarked on the journey towards reconciliation, redemption, and justice for the marginalized and oppressed people in our world. I have gotten some really strong feedback from students whose lives are being impacted in our discussions, studies, and reflections about the mission of justice by God. The Justice Mission curriculum is supported with videos that I found to be conversational, and non-emotionally manipulative, which is nice for a change, and unusual for student materials. The curriculum focuses on the work of The International Justice Mission, an organization that puts into practice the justice mission in wonderful ways. While the videos moved me deeply, along with our discussions, even to tears at times, I didn't feel manipulated or forced into a corner with no hope of how to bring this stuff into reality. In fact, it was the stories of change and salvation that brought such hope to my heart; my heart which struggles to believe that this justice, holistic salvation of the oppressed and marginalized, for the down-and-outs, and hopefully for me, the oppressor, the slacker, and the perpetrator of injustice can somehow come into reality.

Here are two emails that I received from some students that highlight their thoughts about our investigation into the justice mission:

"Thanks for youth group tonight. I super really enjoyed it. I feel like it was kind of deep and mental in a very positive way. I predict that I will be thinking a lot about what we talked about throughout the week and I can't wait to work on the journal sheet you gave us. I'm not quite sure why, but I just really loved youth tonight."

And:

"I just wanted to let you know that I think this justice mission is a really great idea. A couple of weeks ago, we were watching Hotel Rwanda in class, and people were so ignorant and had no idea that genocide exists nowadays. I really think this is a great way to learn about all of the prejudices in the world and ways that we can help stop it just in every day life. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for a really great lesson. These past couple of weeks, I have really been struggling with the idea of oppression and what I can do to help. I am looking forward to hearing more about this and learning about it."

I was talking with a friend recently at a birthday party about salvation, and the penal-substitutionary theory of the atonement, and I've been thinking a lot about the importance of telling a story of salvation that includes a change of the self, our communities, and our world, in a way that includes a radical sense of joining with God in laying down our lives for others. If salvation is limited to getting off the hook for sin and getting out of the punishment of hell, where does the motivation and need to join God in God's mission of justice for our world come from?

This has been a great experience, and if you have been thinking about going through the Justice Mission, I would recommend giving it a try. I'm pretty skeptical of curriculum stuff, and this was really good. Not to mention that Marko, the folks over at the Justice Mission, and other Youth Specialties folks were praying for us, followed up with us, and will help with any questions you might have.

a little boy

2008-02-29T08:05:00.004-05:00

For those who catch up on the Hayden Family via my blog, and haven't checked our joint blog over at The Family Hayden, (which by the way, Shey is a freakin' awesome blogger, a much better writer than me!, not to mention that she blogs consistently!) we had some exciting news last week:

The above picture is the most recent glimpse of our new son! We are having a baby boy! And isn't that a cool picture, he's sucking his thumb...so amazing. (On a side note, the new 4-D sonogram pictures are so cool.) Everything looked really healthy, Shey is progressing well, the due date is sticking to July 6. For some health stuff based on Shey being a high-risk pregnancy because of a genetic trait that predisposes her to blood clots, they will probably induce her before July 6, but that's the date for now. Here's another picture helping to illustrate that this is a boy:

Some friends and family have already given us some cool stuff for the baby, and now stuff for our new baby boy. My parents gave us a little blue soccer ball, and a UNC t-shirt, along with some funny little "Momisms" and "Dadisms" books. Shey's folks have started storing up some cool baby stuff, gotten some really cute outfits, and animal place mats. Not to mention that Shey's dad is building a nursery for us in the house we are renting.

Things have been slightly crazy of late, but I'm really glad to have such great family and friends around to support us, and help us find our way through. Shey turned 27 this week, and it was so great to spend another birthday with her. We've almost known each other for 10 years now, wow. I love you so much sweet girl...here's to a fun trip over spring break, and here's to hoping that our son gets the creative, artistic, and generous spirit that you radiate and inhabit.

I'll leave you with another picture:

Jubilee Retreat (the follow up)

2008-02-27T07:45:00.008-05:00

Hello all...a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks that give me more things to talk about than I can seem to find time for! But I will try to post a couple things today. First and foremost, our Jubilee Retreat a weekend ago went really well. There are tons of links below (in an earlier post) to everyone involved, but I'll highlight some of the stuff that happened over the weekend. Stephen has a great synopsis here along with his reflections that give some perspective of the retreat. I couldn't have asked for a better partner to plan and lead a retreat with. I hope this is the first of many trips we will do together!

Our speaker for the retreat was Jon Middendorf, a youth-pastor-become-senior-pastor at a church in Oklahoma City. Jon is a great guy, let me say that off the bat. We had great conversation, some good laughs, and shared some of the stories that are our lives together. We talked about how we began to be interested in the emerging conversation, and connected our journeys together through books, ideas, and the hopes and dreams of God for our world. Jon is an excellent speaker, casting grand visions of what the kingdom of God is like, how it comes about in the practice of Jubilee, and how it impacts the various relationships in our lives. Whether with God, personal, global, local, familial, or with creation, Jon helped our students to begin to recognize ways that God is seeking to reconcile the whole of creation in Christ. On a side note, Jon is a tall dude...please let this picture fool you into thinking that I am taller than I really am. I am standing on my tip-toes in this picture and Jon is laughing at me. Big thanks to Jon for traveling out to work with some crazy Baptist youth workers.

LivingStone Monastery where we stayed was a seriously awesome retreat location. The artwork around the monastery, the people who took care of us, and the ease with which things flowed seamlessly together helped make the retreat such an awesome experience. We couldn't have asked for anything better. They prepared our meals, they provided space for our worship gatherings, and they provided housing for us to stay. The care for our students and the excellence with which things were done helped make the trip go so well. They were flexible when things ran over time, and they worked with us when we had questions. A big thanks to Chris for working with our groups and helping us make this retreat happen!

Two of the most significant parts of the retreat for me personally were when we sang the theme song of the retreat "Give Reviving" and when we participated in communion together. Give Reviving is a beautiful hymn, redone by Chelsey Scott for the latest Indelible Grace project Wake Thy Slumbering Children. The lyrics of this song brought into an art form, the ideas, visions, and dreams that we hoped to inspire in our students during the retreat. Below are the lyrics and also a video that Stephen took of Kent and Tim playing the song during the retreat from his digital camera. Kent, Tim, and Andrea simply did a beautiful collaboration of work and art to help lead us into worship through images and music. I can't begin to thank these friends enough for their help in planning the retreat and working with us. They helped make the worship gatherings the beautiful experiences that they were, and I hope we'll get to do something like this again together!

Give Reviving

1. Father for Thy, promised blessing,
Still we plead before Thy throne
For the times of, sweet refreshing,
Which can come from Thee alone
Blessed earnests, Thou hast given,
But in these we would not rest
Blessings still with, Thee are hidden,
Pour them forth and make us blest!

2. Prayer ascendeth to Thee ever,
Answer! Father, answer prayer
Bless oh bless each, weak endeavor,
Blood-bought pardon to declare
Wake Thy slumbering, children wake them,
Bid them to Thy harvest go
Blessings O our, Father make,
Round their steps let blessings flow

3. Let no people be forgotten,
Let Thy showers on all descend
That in one loud blessed anthem,
millions may in triumph blend
Give reviving, give refreshing,
Give the looked-for Jubilee
To Thyself may, crowds be pressing,
Bringing glory unto Thee

Tag: Give reviving, give refreshing,
Give the looked-for Jubilee
To Thyself may, crowds be pressing,
Bringing glory unto Thee

© 2007 Innocent Smith (admin by The Loving Company)/
Petit Bateaux Music (ASCAP).
Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Lastly, our time of communion, and our participation in the Eucharist was one of the most moving times I've had with God in community for a while. After Jon set up our time, he invited Stephen and I to share the bread and cup with everyone. Stephen held the bread as each person came up, broke off a piece of bread as Stephen looked into their eyes and told them, "This is the body of Christ, broken for you." Then each person came to the cup, where they dipped the bread and I looked into their eyes and said, "This is the blood of Christ, shed for you." It had been a while since I've done communion by intinction, and for a few minutes, I felt like I was able to see people as I imagine God sees us. I was swelled up by this sense of hope and love, that Jubilee is possible, that each of us in Christ are able to join together to help fulfill the hopes and dreams of God for our world. For a few brief minutes, I lived in the reality that this was the sense of compassion, love, and hope that Jesus felt for the people he came in contact with during his life. Or maybe it was looking into the eyes of students and close friends, and feeling a deep sense of mystery being enacted, with the locus of meaning found in the reconciling Christ of my imagination and hopes. Whatever the reasons, and perhaps for others than I've mentioned, God seemed real and present in a way not often sensed for me.

There is so much more to share, and for a better break-down of the retreat, check out Stephen's post, but I thought I wouldn't traverse the same terrain, but share my experience of the retreat a bit. I'll try to post some other things today that are happening in the world of Josh and Shey. But I wanted to process the retreat a bit, and catch folks up who were wondering how it went. Thanks to everyone who helped make our retreat such a great experience.

Jubilee Retreat

2008-02-15T08:00:00.006-05:00

This weekend Westwood Baptist Church's youth group is joining us for a retreat at LivingStone Monastery in Newport News, VA. The unifying theme and jumping off point of the weekend is this idea of Jubilee from the Hebrew Bible, this sense of God seeking reconciliation amongst all people and creation through the dismissal of debt, the freeing of slaves, the release of the oppressed, rest for creation, and more. I had been dreaming of this retreat for a while in my head, and with the great help of Stephen Gray, we have settled in and created what I hope will be a great experience and opportunity for conversation, reflection, and prophetic insight for our students (and most likely ourselves as well).

We have asked Jon Middendorf to speak for our retreat, he is the Youth-Pastor-become-Senior-Pastor of Oklahoma City First Church of the Nazarene, and podcast host with one of my favorite bloggers over at Leadership Buzz. He is going to be taking a look at some gospel passages that reiterate and emphasize this imagination of Jubilee, and how we might let this concept inform our lives and impact our world today. Jon has been talking about this idea of Jubilee at his church for a while, and so when we started emailing about possibly working together (a long time ago now), and I asked him how he'd feel about talking about Jubilee, it was a great fit. I'm excited to have a chance to talk about theology, emerging stuff, the change from youth to senior pastor, and just life stuff with Jon. I'm hoping that this will be the start of a new friendship, and will be a wonderful experience for our students.

We will be hosting the the retreat at LivingStone Monastery, a Protestant monastery in Newport News, VA that should be a creative space for reflection, conversation, our worship gatherings, and change. For the record, if you are looking to host a small to medium size retreat, probably no more than 50 people, then this might be a great option for you. For $25/night, they provide lodging, 3 meals, and meeting space. You really can't beat that. They are wonderful to work with, timely in their responses, and helpful to accomplish your goals in setting up your retreat. You can do stuff with those living there, or you can do your own thing, they are flexible and help you think through details. I can't recommend them enough!

We will be having 3 worship gatherings, a chance to put Jubilee into practice through a service opportunity, a question & answer session with the community living at the monastery, and we will watch either 4 Little Girls or God Grew Tired of Us to further reflect on Jubilee on Saturday evening. Along with our speaker, we are bringing in some great friends of mine, Kent & Andrea Jaffrey and Tim Gardner to play music for the worship gatherings. They are fantastic musicians and Andrea while being a Ministries Assistant at our church, is also helping run the videos, and slides, etc. during the worship gatherings. The songs that they have chosen look awesome, the slides/videos are cohesive and powerful, and overall, it looks like the worship gatherings are going to be beautiful.

Sunday, we will head home, stopping for a little relaxation, food, and fun at Chuck E. Cheese after the main part of the retreat is over. I can't remember being this excited for a retreat in a long time. Summit Lake was awesome with Chris Folmsbee last year, but it is fun to craft a retreat with a friend in a smaller setting, and dream specifically for the students I am working with, and build it from scratch.

Here's to a good weekend, great conversation, God's Spirit moving and us being open to hear and see. This is the closing prayer for each worship gathering for this weekend, and sums up well our dreams for where our hearts will be moved towards:

A Prayer Attributed to St. Francis of Assisi:
Lord, make us intruments of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.

Trees aren't supposed to fall on cars. Right?

2008-02-14T08:36:00.001-05:00

In the midst of an ice storm that came through our area in the last couple of days, one snarky little tree decided to forget the above adage and decided to go ahead and fall on my car (as seen below). The damage wasn't terrible, but to think that I nearly accepted an offer from the Arbor Day Foundation to plant 10 new trees this year...if this is the kind of behavior I can expect from trees, well, let's just say I won't be planting any new enemies soon.

Sorry for the lack of posting (I wish I could say it is because I am halfway through Book Six of Harry Potter), I have started a new semester of school, and Hebrew, Hermeneutics, and What is Salvation? have been kicking my butt, along with this retreat that I have been planning for the youth that happens this weekend. I'm going to write more about the retreat, but I have to say, I haven't looked forward to a youth retreat this much in a long time. I think that it is going to be a really great weekend for the students I work with. If you add to the retreat preparations a tree falling onto my car, two days before this retreat, in the midst of the busyness of starting school...I'm just glad to have some sanity at the moment. I hope folks are well...

in light of the coming super bowl (Shey will appreciate this)

2008-01-30T08:07:00.000-05:00

Professional Sports Is Very Interesting

Yay sports!

getting back on the saddle

2008-01-29T08:22:00.000-05:00

Well a new semester of classes is beginning. I've already started a class over at Catholic University in the last few weeks, but as of yesterday, Leland classes are back in session. I'm taking a full load this semester: Hebrew I & II, What is Salvation?, Biblical Exegesis, along with an intensive, Theology and Film, all over at Leland, along with my Hermeneutics and Religion class over at Catholic. It's a full semester, but it looks like I should be graduating on June 14, 2008. I will need to finish up two classes post-graduation or post-end of the semester which is I believe May 15.

It is so hard to believe that I may be finishing up my master's already. I will have finished my degree in only three years at Leland which may be one of the quickest for an M.Div. I have truly enjoyed my time there, and the education and development has been a really beautiful time in my life...hard, and wrenching at times, but beautiful. I've made some great friends there, and am looking forward to another strong semester of learning and growth.

That all being said, starting a new semester is really tough, I usually begin the semester muttering to myself: "There is no possible way that I'm going to be able to get all of this work done." This semester I'm also muttering: "There is no possible way that I'm going to get all of this work done, along with taking the time to enjoy these months with Shey before we have a child, work a full-time job, prepare to be a dad, and be a friend to others....and figure out how we are going to financially make it through Shey no longer working."

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see our child, to hold her/him (we find out on February 20 the sex of the baby), to be a parent with Shey...but I usually fall into a panic at the beginning of every semester that lasts about a week as I get going, and try to figure out how in the world all of the busy things in my life are going to work. You add the usual stress to the fact that our lives are beginning to go through a large transition (which I know is good, but still is scary sometimes!) and you get quiet Josh, the one who doesn't talk much, is slow to respond to anything, and who can't stand the inconsistencies in his life. How church makes me feel empty a lot, how I want to buy locally and organically, and never shop at Wal-Mart again, but I need a notebook for a class and don't know where else to buy one that isn't being sold by a major corporation in our town, and I want to really embrace the growth in the youth group, and the changes that I'm seeing in the kids, but am scared that I will fail them as a leader and friend.

Shey and I had a really great talk last night and we worked through some of this, and she is so wonderful at helping me have perspective and believe that this will all work out when I just want to sit and read Harry Potter and pretend that my classes don't exist. The funk that usually lasts for over a week is clearing already, though I'm still scared, still overwhelmed a bit, it is nice to be on the same page with Shey in the midst of my spinning head and thoughts. So I'm getting back on the saddle, with some new music, some great stories (thank you J.K. Rowling), and the excitement of a new beginning and new life. We heard the heartbeat again yesterday of the little one inside Shey, and I was thinking this morning of the strong steady sound that we heard, and how that rhythm, that strong and steady rhythm can be a song of hope in the midst of feeling overwhelmed. That I can keep taking steps with that rhythm going on in my heart and in my mind, and find strength for this new day.

inerrancy and the separation of church and state

2008-01-29T08:08:00.000-05:00

In only about a minute's time, Colbert makes a quite clear punch at the logic of the inerrancy of the Bible, and the end of the interview highlights Colbert's support of the unification of church and state. Enjoy: Colbert's interview of Rick Warren.

Stephen Colbert...is amazing

2008-01-22T10:46:00.000-05:00

Stephen Colbert is one of the funniest people on television currently, and his brilliance and ability to hit the central nerves in a situation never cease to amaze me. I got his new book for my birthday, (thanks Tim & Kristen!) and I've seen a couple of great videos lately, that frankly are too good not to share. Thanks to Eric for pointing me in the right direction for these two interviews, and to the McCarty's for posting a link to this fantastic video of Colbert from back in the day, probably from when he was on the show Strangers with Candy? (Is that right Seth?)

First interview is too easy. Stephen interviews David Levy who got a PhD for his work and new book discussing how within five years humans will be regularly having sex with robots and how eventually robots will be teaching humans various techniques for love-making. Colbert recognizes the inherent danger in the possibility of "gay-bots." Amazing.

The second interview is with Lou Dobbs over the issue of immigration. The interview is done by Colbert's Spanish-speaking affiliate show Colberto Reporto Gigante, complete with breaking through an immigration fence to get to the interview, a purple suit, and interview conducted in Spanish.

Lastly, here's a link to a video demonstrating the dancing and singing skills of Mr. Colbert.

(HT: Eric and McCarty's)

Baptists and Post-Modernity

2008-01-16T08:37:00.000-05:00

During a worship class last year which my friend April helped teach/inform the readings, we read a book called The Great Giveaway, Reclaiming the Mission of the Church from: Big Business, Parachurch Organizations, Psychotherapy, Consumer Capitalism, and Other Modern Maladies by David E. Fitch. The book is really good, not because I agreed with every jot and tittle, but because it brought so much deep and thorough thought to ecclesiology and mission (and thus also evangelism) in a post-modern context. I loved the book and have recommended it to a few people since, including a guy who is pretty anti-postmodernism (as he's understood it in the modern apologetic books he's read) in my church that ended up really liking the book and it sparked some great conversation between us.

That all being said, Fitch has a great post up today that is an interview done by some of his PhD students at Northern Seminary with some local Baptist pastors who are very interested and invested in the postmodern discussion and ecclesiology. Chicago is cold and far away, but I'd be interested in PhD work like this, with a clear and open eye towards what is actually happening in churches, with the other eye deeply rooted in theology and philosophy. The interview isn't real long, but it is really good, be sure to check it out...it may be a good discussion starter for some of us Baptist folks in our own congregations locally.

corporations and spirit of liberty

2008-01-10T21:46:00.000-05:00

So I've been pretty sick this week, which sucks because it is the last week before one of my classes starts at Catholic University next week (but thankfully I have a few more weeks until classes at Leland start). And in the spirit of being sick, I've been watching lots of depressing movies, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, and I watched The Corporation yesterday. The Corporation is a documentary/movie discussing the power and roles of corporations in our country and the political, economic, and even religious power that they wield in our nation and around the world. It was a hard movie to watch. It's hard like reading Wendell Berry is hard; it's just so hard to know where to begin how to change my life. It seems overwhelming and like there is no hope to buy products that aren't tainted by blood of marginalized and oppressed people in third-world countries, or that aren't environmentally sustainable. I mean, one of the worst scenarios from the movie was that when Coke realized that it couldn't keep its product brand name in Nazi Germany and not lose credibility and face in the States, that it created a new brand name Fanta, which in the states, we most often think of as the orange soda, that is made by Coke...they simply changed the name brand, even though Coca-Cola owned and created the product, so that it would be less likely to be traced back and associated with the Coke name. I mean, Nazi's need Coca-Cola too right? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. It's just so hard to know what do with the accessibility to all this information about the ways corporations have used the system to make a profit and damage people and the world. Any suggestions with ways we can do something?

On a completely separate note, I met with my spiritual director again this week, and I have to say, it was just what I needed. I felt like crap after that night of meetings, and sort of paid for it the last couple of days, but that conversation was great. We talked about how I was able to see God in the midst of Advent, and the routine of keeping the hours, and that even when things changed when I visited family, and my routines became different...I didn't struggle with the ol' evangelical guilt of not "spending enough time for my 'quiet times'" or praying enough. Rather, in the midst of not being in routine, I prayed short prayers, tried to listen more to my family and to my wife, and try to put the interests of others above my own, and I saw God in new ways over break. Not in the emotional or spiritual high kind of way, but in the centered, balanced kind of way. My spiritual director said that this is what St. Francis de Sales called a "spirit of liberty" when life with Christ was balanced and centered. Traditionally I think I've lived in the extremes of trying to be rigorous and ultra-disciplined, never missing certain prayer times, journaling, reading the Bible, etc. or I've been on the other extreme of being undisciplined, intentionally against reading the Bible or praying because of the evangelical guilt or pressure. But this time, and I sensed God in it, I didn't freak when I missed praying the hours on vacation, or wasn't spending much time alone or in silence, instead I prayed the short prayers from Traveling Mercies , "God, help me" or "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you." And in those times, God was near, and I heard the still small voice. I felt it in a conversation with my brother on the last night I was there, I felt it when Shey told me that I had loved her well over vacation, I felt it when my mom spent time sewing on new buttons for the baby's gift that she passed on to us. And I have to say, I like that spirit of liberty, of being centered and balanced. I know I don't live there often, and I know when school starts up, it will probably be gone. But I want to enjoy it now, and say "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you" as this new year begins. Meeting with Father Lou has been wonderful thus far and a real blessing...they say that finding a spiritual director that is a good match is like one in a thousand...so far so good. Amen, Amen.

one last YL post

2008-01-09T21:40:00.000-05:00

This is a little more info and another realm of the issue that I didn't even know about. An insightful post by Tony Jones. If these non-negotiables really do carry over to Capernaeum stuff, that is a bit crazy to me.

YL cont'd

2008-01-09T20:38:00.000-05:00

The last year I was on student staff with YL and the last year I formally led (and was training freshman leaders with Shey) I was most involved with work with middle school students. I thoroughly enjoyed their energy, their questions, and their perspectives on faith issues. The other leaders on my team and I realized that the sort of formula of talks that we had been working with wasn't reaching kids in the way we hoped and the kids who had been with us for a while had heard similar talks for two years now, and more than that, the changes we saw in a lot of the kids wasn't lasting as long or going as deep as we liked. Now I'll be the first to say that we weren't a perfect team, or that the results were a direct result of YL formulas for talks or anything trite like that. I realize that life is never that black and white.

But in our third year of working with students we felt this overwhelming sense in our prayers and in our conversations as leaders and with some other leaders from other schools, and my conversations with the area director who I worked with at the time (who was going to seminary), that we may try to explore more of the story of God's over-arching narrative. That we would begin where the Bible begins and tell the story of God's activity and redemption, and creative reconciliation over the period of a year beginning with talks about God the Father and creation, then stories of sin, promises/covenants, brokenness, the birth of Christ, the life of Christ, the death and resurrection, the life of the church, the mystery of the Spirit...we were still all relatively conservative on most theological matters, but felt compelled to tell these other parts of the story.

The three of us who were leading did not come into a relationship with Christ through YL, though we all strongly identified with the mission, and the relational connections that YL espoused and lived, but we struggled with the club talks aspect and the formulaic approach to the talk schedule that didn't always fit in with where our kids were at, and in our thoughts didn't express the fullness of the story that we felt like beginning in the OT helped to accomplish.

We had some really positive results with the kids, but more than that, we felt like we were able to help kids to take a step back and look at more of the picture of how God has worked throughout the ages, especially in Christ, but also through the Spirit and in people. To expound on my first comment in the previous post on this stuff, I think the main crux of the issue is that McSwain wanted to present the gospel story in a different order: person of Christ, love of God, repentance (possibly here), cross, (repentance possibly here), resurrection (repentance possibly here), sin (repentance possibly here). YL is advocating: person of Christ (which may include love of God, but is different than what McSwain is arguing for in his understanding of covenental theology), man's need, sin, cross, resurrection, repentance. I may be a little out of order with man's need/sin, I can't remember which goes first for YL, but with McSwain, his issue seemed to be that the presentation of the gospel had to follow the YL outline when theologically it didn't mesh with his reformed and covenantal theology.

I have two issues with this situation mainly: first is the whole formulaic approach to the gospel presentation/non-negotiables. Where do you draw the line on the non-negotiables? If the non-negotiables are the essential matters of the faith, what does that do to the rest of the story of God in Scripture in terms of fitting in with the gospel presentation?

Second, is how the document is being used from the top-down as a litmus test of theological priorities for staff who are all over the board theologically. I am not trying to say YL is out to get people, I don't know Denny from anybody else, but it stinks that it has come to firing folks over disagreements over the methods of sharing the gospel in YL club talks.

boo-yah baby!

2008-01-09T20:27:00.000-05:00

And by that I mean the Hayden's are having a baby!

Ushering in the new life Shey and I are blogging together over at The Family Hayden Blog and hope that you'll join us there if you are into that kind of stuff. There will be baby talk (inexpressible sounds that make no sense but sound amazing), heartbeats (we recorded the first time we heard the heart beat), pics (we got the baby's first pic up already), ramblings from Shey and I, and other general family news that we deem appropriate, fun, or irritating to Seth.

Many of you have already heard the good news, but we wanted to wait until the end of the first trimester to go totally public.

We are really excited, scared, and thrilled for the new adventure, and look forward to sharing more with you over on the blog.

non-negotiables and Young Life

2008-01-08T10:25:00.000-05:00

Well, there are some interesting articles coming out about Young Life and The Non-Negotiables of Young Life's Gospel Presentation. As I graduated college and was coming off a stint of student staff with YL, I honestly was wondering when this type of document would come out and try to establish from the top down, certain criteria by which the gospel was to be shared and told within the organization. The Non-Negotiables act as a sort of litmus test for staff members, though YL has said they will not make all staff members sign the document yet YL has already fired an area director and accepted the resignation or has fired 9 others related to the area director in North Carolina.

I come from a pretty strong YL background and have a lot of friends in those circles, many of which have or do read this blog. I'd be interested to hear your reactions to the articles one in Christianity Today and another in Christian Century, or even the Non-Negotiables. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I have had some problems with the formulaic approach of club talks and what it means to "share the gospel" for some time now, and that the non-negotiables worry me a bit. Specifically the often emotional manipulation that can come in focusing on sin first rather than the love of God, resulting in students wanting to be saved from hell rather than being motivated by love or the story of God's action in the world and our invitation to join God. Also here are some blogs talking about stuff:

Tony Jones- Something is Wrong at Young Life
Rick Lawrence- Heartbreak and Controversy
Mark Van Steenwyk- The Gospel According to Young Life

This isn't a specific critique of YL in our area because it has been some time since I've been involved in the actual work of YL in our area, and I'm not trying to say that they are all bad people at the top of the organization or anything. But I do have some serious questions, and am a bit disappointed in the top-down approach of forcing staff to work under a document, besides the point that theological training is not a necessity from the organization's standpoint. So how can staff who've not necessarily had the theological training to know whether or not such a form is helpful or detrimental deal with some of the nuances of the argument? That is not to say that theological training is necessary, but certainly would be helpful in this discussion.

I've said this to others before, but I think that YL and Crusade, etc. and other organizations that focus on a certain aspect of the Christian life, i.e. evangelism, and are not linked to specific churches or denominations, have a lot to reckon with in light of post-modernism. The critique of the enlightenment and its inherent epistemological presuppositions and the claim of the Bible being the authority without acknowledging the various interpretations and methods of interpretations will pose problems in the future for organizations the are sort of battering down the hatches and creating non-negotiables.

I was pleasantly surprised in the non-negotiables document to see a plurality of viewpoints being expressed about soteriological issues, while the Scripture piece seemed to say that the OT pretty much existed only to point to the NT and Jesus, as though the OT is not good in and of itself and important in the story of God's salvific work in the world.

That's enough for now, I look forward to hearing what some of you might think about this recent activity in YL...peace!

favorite albums of 2007

2008-01-02T08:30:00.000-05:00

I feel like I say this every year, but dang, 2007 had some great music. Armed with a subscription to eMusic for the last few months, and a healthy does of some great iTunes gift cards, I've been able to get some great music this year. I'm going to do a top 10 of sorts, with some honorable mentions, b/c honestly there is just too much good music to try to cram it into 10 little slots. And further, I'm not David Letterman, I'm not that funny, and there were more than 10 great albums this year. So here goes:

Tied for #1. The National- Boxer. Big thanks to Seth for introducing me to this band out of NYC via Cincinnati. I can't stop listening to this album. And it's hard to pick just one great song, I feel like you have to listen to this album all the way through every time.

Tied for #1. Arcade Fire- Neon Bible. Arcade Fire is one of the most innovative bands around. I anxiously awaited this album perhaps more than any other this year, and it didn't disappoint. A little darker at points, with a beautiful tapestry of instruments in layers. A must have along with The National's Boxer.

3. Wilco- Sky Blue Sky. This is a fantastic album all the way through. The song writing is a bit more direct, without becoming shallow, and the music is also more clear without seeming trite. This album is one that I can just put on and let run the gamut.

4. Ryan Adams- Easy Tiger. I love Ryan Adams, and I really love Ryan Adams with The Cardinals. I am enjoying the musical direction of his last couple of works, and his songwriting is amazing.

5. The New Pornographers- Challengers. I've said it already, so I'll quote myself: "A softer side of this star-studded band. This is a fantastic album, well-composed and thoughtful." Neko Case is amazing.

6. Bodies of Water- Ears Will Pop and Eyes Will Blink. This is a Sufjan-sounding gang of singers and musicians that is a lot of fun and helps stretch traditional instruments into new places. This is my first listen to this group, and I'll be coming back for more.

7. Harp 46- Santuarium. This album brings one of my favorite bands into a new realm. The addition of Amanda Lee helps capture with a new instrument (being Amanda's voice) the deep and soulful spirit of this band. Along with the original lyrics and original compositions, this album hit me square in the heart.

8. Patty Griffin- Children Running Throug h. This acoustic-folk record is my first glimpse into the world of Patty Griffin. I really enjoy her powerful and unique voice, and the sort of genre-challenging quality of this album.

9. Lifesavas- Gutterfly. I can't believe I'm on #9 already and am just now interjecting a hip-hop album, but this is a great indie hip-hop band out of Portland that is combining jazzy beats with clever lyrics. I highly recommend them, and say thanks to Ben for introducing me to this great group.

10. Derek Webb- The Ringing Bell. As usual, Derek's music and lyrics continue to challenge and prod to eventually deconstruct the Christian music label, and provides provocative insights into the world of politics and faith. This is one of the most accessible pop-rock albums thus far in his solo career, and I have certainly enjoyed it.

11. Iron & Wine- The Shepherd's Dog. The latest from Sam Beam has created quite a stir for me. Beam has a more full sound in this album without overwhelming his whispered voice. The songs on this album are good stories put to music.

12. Radiohead- In Rainbows. Besides the magnificent pay-what-you-want aspect of this album, the music was great, and the lyrics haunting at times (in a good way...if that's possible). This album moved in a different direction than Yorke's solo release without losing the best qualities of his solo album and the best of Radiohead's previous work.

13. Kanye West- Graduation. While I hoped for more out of this album lyrically, the music is mesmerizing at times, and is amazing to run to. It's a fun album, that I hope will free Kanye to pursue some other artistic expressions away from the school scene.

14. Spoon- Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. A straight up rock album that is really fun to listen to. This is a new band for me, but one that I have really come to enjoy and appreciate. They may help pave the way for rock in the future.

15. Andrew Bird- Armchair Apocrypha. On some days this album was higher up on the list, as it is moody, folky, and beautiful. This album was a first for my by Bird, and I am thoroughly impressed and am looking forward to getting to know more of his music.

16. Common- Finding Forever. Largely produced by Kanye, this album was not quite as good as Be, but was still really good. This album fell a little short lyrically for me, but the music was innovative and powerful.

17. St. Vincent- Marry Me. I have really loved this short album for the time that I've had to listen to it so far this year. Her quirky (in a good way) voice and interesting music to boot has been a great new artist to listen to this year.

And with that, I'll end my list. There are some other artists and albums I've enjoyed, but these have been some of the indispensable albums of the year for me. If you got some recent iTunes gift cards, check some of these bands out, or better yet, try out a subscription to eMusic for an indie-friendly music buying experience. Happy New Year and here's to another great year of music!

happy new years

2008-01-01T21:21:00.000-05:00

so new years is almost over, and I'm finally sitting down to write for a couple of minutes. we had a wonderful new years celebration this year. Our friends Katie Carson and Tommy Webster had a beautiful wedding and kickin' reception last night as they tied the knot, and began a new leg of the journey of life together. It was a thoughtful, liturgical, and meaningful service combined with great poetry, good music, and great friends. Shey and I couldn't be happier for our friends, and we so thankful to be able to witness the great occasion and be a part of it all. Before last night, I can't really think of a single New Years party or event that I've liked, but last night was really a lot of fun, and helped give the night great meaning. i've also found out recently that Katie is a secret reader of the blog...and I hope that she'll start commenting soon, because she is one of the funniest, fun, thoughtful, and intelligent people I know...so hopefully she'll begin to enlighten us all!

on that whole secret/quiet blog readers note, and in the spirit of Anne Lamott, I pray traveling mercies for my good friend Katie Brazzle as she begins this new adventure in NYC. your voice and perspective will be missed here, but i hope that you will be able to experience new things, great things, and God in new ways as you enter through a new doorway. Traveling mercies friend!

traveling mercies

2007-12-31T16:56:00.000-05:00

I finished my first book since school got out about a week and a half ago. I read Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith. The book made me laugh out loud, and it was a great book to pick up in the post-semester haze that makes reading anything hard for a bit. Lamott's stories moved and created space for deeper thought, reflection, and insight into one's own life in a memoirish type manner, but without the typical evangelical language and coziness of a more reformed framework of Blue Like Jazz. The short stories that make up Traveling Mercies both worked together, yet had enough differences to not become redundant. And it was funny, really funny at times, like I'd laugh out loud on the plane, or in the doctor's office, or just sitting on the couch (or sometimes toilet). I loved it, and it was just the right book for the holidays. One of my favorite things about the book was the interspersed poetry, whether by Lamott, or most-often quoted from others.

I was also reading over on the McCarty's blog, and saw the most recent poetry post by Kristen with funny picture to boot, and I thought that this would be as good a time as ever to ask for some recommendations on some of your favorite poets or books of poetry. I try to keep a book of poetry open throughout the semester, but would love to make some new poet friends through their work. Any recommendations? I'd love to hear who you are reading, or who you think I should read...

preview of my favorite tunes of 2007

2007-12-29T23:03:00.001-05:00

Hello friends. I hope you have had a great Christmas...before I share my favorite albums of 2007, I'll give you a link to a good list, of which I thought had a good deal of great albums. In fact, one of my comments on one of my favorite albums of the year made the review list, check out this link, and look for The New Pornographers album titled Challengers, where my comment made the cut list for eMusic.

Big thanks to my folks for getting this album for my birthday. For those wondering who The New Pornographers are, I believe the story of their name came from a famous preacher who said that 'rock and roll is the new pornography' and thus informed their decision in creating a band name. Great stuff, not my favorite album of the year, but really, really good.

soccer and life

2007-12-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

The last couple of weeks have been rather busy, wrapping up papers, finals (got to turn the last one in tomorrow) and the start of a new soccer season. This is my first season playing indoor in a long time, and it is a lot of fun except that the game times are on a college schedule. We played at 10:00 p.m. tonight, and our game was at 8 and 9 p.m. the two weeks before that. It is a lot of fun, pretty intense compared to outdoor, but all around a good time.

The youth and I have been working through the season of Advent together, and it has been a good time. We are going to have a worship gathering this Sunday that should be wonderful, and we are joining in the Advent Conspiracy, and will be taking up an offering together to share our resources with Heifer International. I'm proud of the kids for wrestling with what this Christmas season is all about, and what it means to them. It's late, but I hadn't posted in a while, mostly out of being spent. I hope all are well...

new connections with Catholicism (pt. 2)

2007-12-12T09:46:00.000-05:00

Last week, right before the Harp 46 show, I had an opportunity to go to the mass for a friend Marc Gherardi who was taking his perpetual vows to become a full member of his community of monks, which is the order of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales. My good friend Ben went with me (as seen previously in the night zombie pics from this summer) and we had a great time at both the mass and the Harp 46 show. I don't know if you've ever had an opportunity to experience a mass where someone takes their vows, but it was beautiful.

During the mass, at one point there was a time where Marc laid prostrate before his community and God, while we sang and prayed for him as he humbled himself before all so as to demonstrate and embody humility and hope in the grace that he believes God will provide to help him live a life of service. It was quite moving. I was thinking about all the other times that I'd seen protestant leaders demonstrate that kind of radical humility, by laying face down on the floor in the middle of the gathered community, humbly demonstrating their dependence on God and the help of the community. It was a quick thought, because I'd never seen it happen with a protestant leader...and probably never will. Can you imagine the ordination of a pastor in a Baptist church which includes the candidate laying face down on the floor while the community prays and sings out their support and hopes for them?

Along with following a lectionary, it's amazing how serious Catholics take the Bible, and how often they read it, quote it, and share it throughout the service, especially in the language of the liturgy. It was a wonderful evening, and for the first time, along with getting to catch up with some of the other Oblates I know, the service was held in a cloistered convent, which is also something you don't get to experience everyday. The Sisters of the Visitation of Tyringham hosted the mass at their monastery. They were very kind, and I was reading up on them a little bit while I was there, and also online, and for those who wonder what cloistered nuns could possibly be about in a hyper-connected world, this is from their website:

The Visitation Sisters of Tyringham are cloistered, contemplative religious whose lives are dedicated to prayer and to living in community. In great simplicity we strive to be a gentle presence in a world threatened with terrorism and war. Our Salesian spirituality teaches us to be gentle towards ourselves, with each other, and with all persons with whom we come in contact.

A gentle presence in a world threatened with terrorism and war...sounds like they aren't as disconnected as one might think, and that they are doing their part in joining with God for the redemption of the world.

Overall, it was a beautiful evening, and a great time to experience the body of Christ in new ways, and support a new friend taking an important step in his vocation.

new connections with Catholicism (pt. 1)

2007-12-05T08:25:00.000-05:00

So last week, along with going to the Harp 46 concert, I had some new interactions with Catholicism, that were both humbling and profound. The first is that I met with Father Louis Fiorelli last week as an introduction to spiritual direction. We met in his office, and he asked many questions about my background, my story, my life and allowed me the opportunity to pray with him. We talked a little bit about how he was certainly interested in meeting together with this 25-year old Baptist youth pastor who is interested in spiritual direction. I think he was even more surprised when we talked about how I was trying to keep the hours, practice silence, and embrace some of the ancient disciplines. I told him that I don't even know what to do with myself, and so if he didn't know what to do with me or didn't feel comfortable meeting, I totally could understand, and he didn't seem phased...in fact, I think that we got along quite well, and that this could be a powerful experience.

One of the things that he talked about that we would probably try to work on, was something that had begun to rise up in my own prayer life, and in my own practices of some of the different disciplines, that is: that I would not only experience and enjoy the sense of excitement and newness that comes in embracing the ancient disciplines, but that i would begin to understand the discipline part...that I would begin to set down roots in the practices, and learn to walk in them especially when the newness wears off, and the sense of excitement dwindles. It was beautiful to talk about and to begin to wrestle with. It is very humbling to begin to realize how little I know, how little I've actually practiced these disciplines (on the larger scale) and how much of a challenge it will be to actually follow through.

This actually kind of freaked me out the next two days after we met. I found that I wanted to abandon all of the practices. I wanted to call Father Fiorelli back and let me know that I didn't "feel like this was what I needed." I was so scared of being exposed for the fraud that I know that I am. I was scared to let someone else see into the lapses, breaks, and lack of discipline that is my life. I was humbled to let someone else in (besides some of my close friends) that is trained to help me reflect and take steps for change in my relationship with God and others. And I kind of got angry about it. I was angry with myself for my pride, and angry with Father Fiorelli for saying yes. But after the initial shock to my system...this sense of peace has begun to set in. For all of the things that I'm scared to wrestle with (and its not like there is some deep dark secret I have to let go of or share), I realized that I like control, and I am prideful about keeping things together and I didn't want some of the excitement to end. And it probably won't for a while, but I really hope that this helps me to become rooted like a tree near a fresh stream, that slowly grows and finds strength and over time has deep roots stretching towards the living water. Yet at the same time, I know this won't happen overnight, and that I have a long ways to go...here's to giving it a try.

partying with Harp 46

2007-12-01T23:12:00.000-05:00

Tonight my friend Ben and I attended the cd release party of Harp 46's new album Sanctuarium over at Convergence. It was a great show, and a fun night to catch up with friends and hear beautiful music. How often do you get to hear a harp, bass, and percussion section play music that moves your soul? Also, the addition of Amanda Lee to the group is a wonderful and creative addition to the group of amazingly talented musicians. It has been fun to get to know the band over the last couple of years, and I'm really excited about this new album. They played a couple of songs off of the new album tonight, and they were awesome. If you are interested in the new album, check it out, it's only $15, and you'll get some amazing independent music. If you have a chance to hear them live, don't miss it...it will be a concert that you'll never forget. And better yet, if you get a chance to hang out with April (also here), Nuc, Posido, or Amanda and hear their music, don't pass it up, they are great people playing awesome music.

Think about picking up their new album as a Christmas present! You can buy it here.

Also at the show tonight was the artwork (and person) of Nancy Lynch. Her work seemed very inspired and added to the aura and beauty of the evening. Please consider another local artist and her work!

Wal-Mart...or what I fondly call "the devil store"

2007-11-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

I'm watching Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price right now. I realize that the documentary is not holding back on any sort of bias or perspective, being very clear that Wal-Mart is a company that is terrible to its employees, environmentally unsound, and participates in slave labor. It is a disturbing movie. I'd already read some books and formed some opinions about the company in college and early on in my return to Warrenton. That being said, occasionally I've shopped at the store for certain types of products, mainly, deodorant, toothbrushes, boxers, white t-shirts, the very basic stuff. But after watching this documentary, I really don't think that I can shop there at all.

You see I've always been torn...because I've known and know people who work there, and on one side, I'd hate for them to lose their jobs, especially if I encouraged them to develop a union, or advocate for fair wages. Yet at the same time, the injustice experienced in the U.S. by employees, and perhaps more importantly, the suffering of those working in sweat shops and poor working conditions and wages in places like Bangladesh and China is absolutely horrible. And let's not forget the local and independent stores that have been affected by Wal-Mart opening up in our town.

So, on one side, I think that not shopping there is really important, yet at the same time, how might Christian communities be prepared to help the employees of those stores find other jobs?

Also, what would we do if the Walton family was not prepared for the apocalypse with their bomb shelter that they've built in reaction to 9/11?

Anyone been involved in helping change the practices in their town of Wal-Mart?

over lunch

2007-11-25T16:42:00.001-05:00

on one of our few trips out over the holidays, i had an especially amazing conversation with Shey. i was telling Shey about how i wanted to possibly combine all my Christmas gifts from family to put some money towards a Mac. she proceeded to tell me that i only wanted a Mac because they are cool, and that by getting a Mac, i would think i was cool too. and then Shey said this:

"I transcend cool. Cool passes right through me and keeps on going."

my wife transcends cool. top that.

happy thanksgiving

2007-11-22T11:07:00.000-05:00

high school boys are dumb (and so am I)

2007-11-20T23:11:00.000-05:00

so i am getting up in 4 hours to meet some high school boys for breakfast. why you ask, would we meet at 4 a.m. for breakfast on a day that they have off of school and we would normally meet at 6 a.m.? the only answer i have right now is stupidity...and they (we) think they (we) are funny.

we're not. and it is going to hurt at 3:15 a.m. as i leave to pick them up b/c most of them can't drive. i'm stupid.

our last day of NYWC

2007-11-18T23:16:00.000-05:00

So we have returned home tonight from our trip to Atlanta. The speaker at the general session this morning was Doug Fields. Honestly, I wasn't very excited about the session. I hadn't read his famous book that all youth pastors are supposed to read, and I didn't expect much to connect with. But I was pleasantly surprised by Doug's humility, grace, and openness as he challenged youth workers to consider how envy has influenced and informed their youth ministry and lives. He was entertaining, pretty funny, and seemed to be having a lot of fun when he shared. Like many of the speakers for the main session or worship bands, I was surprised by the way they carried themselves. Although there were some bands that I wasn't so excited with, and I didn't always agree with a lot of the things said, there seemed to be an openness throughout the weekend to see the "other" as a person with a face, a family, a life...and that those persons are doing their best to live life in the way of Jesus. Doug did a great job of challenging youth workers to let go of envy while learning to support others.

The last breakout session that Shey and I went to was Phyllis Tickle's seminar on the Seven Ancient Disiplines that could help nurture and inform our students' spiritual formation. Like every other time I've heard her speak now, she is always up for a great laugh, telling a powerful story, and doesn't take herself too seriously. Through her own humility she opens the door for dialogue amongst various perspectives. She talked a lot about her experiences and theological insights in practicing fixed-hour prayer, or keeping the offices. I've been trying to keep the hours again this semester and I've found it to be a profound experience. Praying with the church all over the world is a beautiful image of unity and community that I believe helps to act as an icon or image that beckons us forward to living out the reality of God's kingdom come and will being done on earth as in heaven. Tickle's prayer manuals are fantastic, and very helpful for what she called the "liturgically challenged." Which myself, growing up Southern Baptist, most certainly am.

I'll post some further thoughts of my overall impression of the convention tomorrow. But as for now, it's time to get some sleep, 5:40 a.m. is coming quick. peace.

Mrs. Phyllis Tickle and Chris Folmsbee...and it all ends in the presidential suite

2007-11-18T01:14:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. It was the second day of the NYWC in Atlanta. Shey and I have been having a great time, especially after this morning's general session. Phyllis Tickle, author, speaker, prophet, and guide shared a message and lesson this morning. She talked about "The Great Emergence," or this time in history which we find ourselves in today. This is the term she has given to describe the next period of reformation in the church which is happening today and is changing the landscape of Christianity, especially in the West. If you have never had a chance to hear her speak, or use the prayer manuals she has created, I highly recommend her works, and finding a way to hear her speak the next chance you get. You'd never expect a 73-year old woman to get up at a youth conference and blow your mind, but that's just what happened today, and is what happened when she spoke at the general sessions at the Emergent Convention a couple years ago in Nashville.

In the afternoon, Shey and I went to Chris Folmsbee's super-seminar called "Stories, Signs, and Sacred Rhythms: A Narrative Approach to Nurturing Students." Chris' message and seminar was fantastic. He proposed a philosophy of youth ministry that could have a profound impact on the landscape of Western Christianity and youth ministry in the coming years. The models of faith development and beginning in the narrative will be extremely helpful and insightful in working with students whose very lives and thus their stories are being fragmented, alienated, and disjointed from others, God, and themselves on a regular basis. The language and metaphors that Chris is exploring is powerful and helps put 'words to some of the things' many of us are thinking about in this round table of discussion and conversation. Be on the lookout for his new book that will most likely have the same title of this seminar to be coming out in the future.

I'd like to post some more comments and thoughts about both Mrs. Tickle's talk and Chris' seminar, but it is too late to dig out the notebook. Shey is knocked out already, it's late...and I've ended on a high note. I got to see Shey when I came back, and the place I came back from was Marko's suite. I spent the evening with Chris and some other guys who work with the newly joined Sonlife/YouthFront. They are doing some amazing stuff that youth ministry folks should check out.

I met some cool guys tonight, and unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to talk to Marko, but Chris, Doug, Len, Scott, Mark, and others made me feel right at home this evening. It was fun to meet some of the other speakers, and to see some of the ways these folks hang out together. There is a warm spirit of hospitality and graciousness that was great to be around. All in all, Day 2 was a good day.

NYWC in ATL Day 1

2007-11-16T23:36:00.000-05:00

Shey and I are down in Atlanta this weekend for the National Youth Workers Convention organized by Youth Specialties. So far we are having a great time, running into old friends, and getting to hear some great stuff. My friend Chris is blogging about his time down here too!

Speaking at the first General Session today was Andy Stanley. My pastor is a huge fan, but up until this point, I had never really heard him speak, but had been given excerpts of books, seen some clips of some talks, but nothing from beginning to end. He came across as a pretty good guy, and I think even gets it on some stuff, in terms of Jesus displaying his understanding of leadership and "power" through washing the disciples feet. However, I think that he stretched the metaphor a bit, asking us to consider how we can utilize our power in the way of Jesus when we come to realize that we are the most powerful person in the room with the capability to greatly influence others. My first question was: What about Jesus or the Holy Spirit being present? Secondly, I wondered if there wasn't a better way to understand the relationship between ourselves and "the other people in the room" in terms other than leader/follower or powerful/less powerful. Nevertheless, his conclusions about serving others in humility were on target and provided some helpful insights about the nature of leadership.

This afternoon/evening, two amazing things happened. First I attended Mark Yaconelli's seminar on "The Dark Night of the Soul: When God is Absent." It was beautiful, the way he weaved the stories of Mother Teresa, his own, and his friends together to tell stories of the struggles with the inability to comprehend God and the process of doubt, waiting, darkness, purification, and trust that was involved in wrestling with the silence of God. Some of the stories brought tears to my dry, red eyes, worn tired from writing sermons and papers and getting up at 3:30 a.m. after going to bed at 12:30 a.m. last night. This was a wonderful gathering and time of reflection. I may try to post some of the notes sometime in the future. It was simply a wonderful seminar.

Lastly, Shane Claiborne got up, breathed fire, did a back flip, and then proceeded to tell the 5,500 youth workers that he was going to tell them the best sermon ever told. He read the entire Sermon on the Mount from Matthew's gospel, and then said "amen" and sat down. It was one of those times when you know the prophet has spoken. I don't think anybody knew what do after he walked off the stage...Tic Long allowed some room for silence which helped us to process and soak in the truth-telling done tonight from the pulpit. Talk about power...

It's been a good start to the conference. I am super-excited about Phyllis Tickle speaking tomorrow at the General Session. When she spoke at the last Emergent Convention in Nashville a couple of years ago, I was floored with her messages, stories, and depth. I can't wait for tomorrow morning.

I hope folks are well. Shey and I are really bummed to miss the baby dedications for the Vegas and Cullops. I hope things go well. We'll be thinking of you friends!

latest sermon and something new

2007-11-13T13:05:00.000-05:00

I preached on Sunday, and if you are interested, below are some links to listen or download the sermon, Shey said it was one of the best I've preached. It was short and sweet, and it was a new style for me. Almost completely narrative.

On Monday November 26, I am going to have an initial meeting with Father Lewis Fiorelli, as I am considering meeting with a Spiritual Director, and Father Fiorelli is taking a chance to spend some time with a Baptist Youth Pastor who is interested in ecumenical dialogue and the spirituality of St. Francis of De Sales. I really hope this works out, and I am looking forward to the experience, the questions, and the reflections that will come in meeting with Father Fiorelli.

Has anyone else had any experience meeting with a Spiritual Director? What was it like?

On Being A Pharisee

11/11/07 - Message Title: On Being A Pharisee, Josh Hayden
Right Click Here to Download mp3 OR Listen Live

two prayers

2007-11-07T11:06:00.000-05:00

In light of some recent conversations about divergent points of view on some theology, these prayers have echoed the hopes of my heart:

God, you have prepared in peace the path I must follow today. Help me to walk straight on that path. If I speak, remove lies from my lips. If I am hungry, take away from me all complaint. If I have plenty, destroy pride in me. May I go through the day calling on you, you, O Lord, who know no other Lord.
Ethiopian Prayer (from The Divine Hours)

God be in my head
and in my understanding.
God be in my mouth
and in my speaking.
God be in my heart
and in my thinking.
God be at mine end
and my departing.
Sarum Primer, 1527 (from The Divine Hours)

hittin' the mid-twenties running

2007-10-31T09:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I did go running today, so I guess I actually did hit the mid-twenties running...but honestly, I have felt crazy busy lately, which has made it feel more like trudging through mud. This is a kind of crazy birthday, one where you feel like you are supposed to have come to some grand realization about your life, your direction, your "career," and yet I'm not feeling a lot of those pressures. When I was younger, I always wondered what I'd be doing at 25. I'm not sure what I ever thought I actually would be doing, but I thought it was an age where things would finally star to make sense. In all actuality, I'm just trying to soak everything in around me. I've had to preach a lot lately, which has caused a great deal of introspection, examination, and encouragement as I've tried to share from my life in relation to the scriptures the ways I've been able to see God in our midst. Some friends have shared some encouraging words after the sermons, and it has been great to experiment and try new ways of sharing the story of God in our world and in my life with others.

I don't think that I have it figured out what I'm going to "do" or "be" in terms of a career, but I'm beginning to realize in a deeper way how those things should not define us, but rather be an overflow of our lives and our hearts. Maybe it's just the Egyptian monastics starting to shake me up a bit, or maybe it is a lot of Dr. Toom's quotes of Augustine, but either way, I have to echo the words of the great bishop, in that if our reading of the scriptures do not inform us into living a life of charity, we may be correct on a technicality of understanding the scriptures, but we still do not understand them. (my paraphrase)

on a side note, my great friend has forever raved on and on about how a monkey playing baseball with Joey, or driving an 18-wheeler, is the best thing ever, or would be the best new friend. I however would like to state that i'd rather have a bird like this. monkeys suck, birds rule.

here's to 25.

dinner at a monastery and a night at convergence

2007-10-23T07:35:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday night Shey and I joined friends Tom and his wife Lore for cocktails and dinner with the brothers in the order of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, at their house in DC. It was one of the best nights I have had in a long time. Hanging out with Tom and Lore was a lot of fun, and our time with the Oblates was wonderful. They were so kind and welcoming, making us feel right at home as soon as we walked in the door. Even though we were a few minutes late after taking a wrong turn after the metro, and thus missed evening prayers, it didn't phase them one bit. Marc Gherardi is a seminarian taking a class at Leland and was our host for the evening (you may remember him from a previous post). We had a round of drinks and hors d'oeuvre, then had dinner in this warm room, with these beautiful wood tables with tall-backed chairs. The food was absolutely amazing, pastas, vegetables, wine, and great desserts and coffee. We had great conversation, and Shey and I came away sensing a stronger unity in the body of Christ after this night, and having made some new friends. Brian Zumbrum is a first-year postulant, and was a great conversation partner throughout the night and helped us to feel at home along with Marc throughout the night. Micheal Castrilli helped keep the good beverages coming our way, and encouraged the singing of fight songs, great laughs, and an overall wonderful spirit throughout the night. This was a night that I won't soon forget, and I would encourage anyone looking for a place to do a retreat, or who is looking to make some new friends in an ecumenical setting, to meet some of the Oblates, especially the guys at the house in DC. Thanks for a great night friends!

On Sunday night, Shey and I went up with some good friends, Katie and Justin Straight, and Justin's younger sister and freshman at JMU, Anna Straight to Convergence. My pastor and the George's joined us for a contemplative and meditative evening together. My friends Todd Cullop and Lisa Hawkins are co-pastoring the church and leading the arts center piece of their community, in an effort to incorporate the arts into the DNA of their community of faith, and to give voice to artists as a whole. Other friends Harp 46 led the jazz service that night, and it was a wonderful night together of prayer, reading of scripture, and conversation. It was good to catch up with some friends I haven't seen in a while, and to worship together. If you are in the Alexandria/DC area, be sure to visit Convergence if you get a chance.

Harp 46 is going on tour and is starting to pre-order their new cd. Check out their website for more info! It was good to see folks on Sunday, David Hawkins, Tom and Lore, Scott Erwin, and all the Harp friends.

visiting friends

2007-10-15T09:55:00.000-05:00

Shey and I went down to Williamsburg on Friday to visit our good friends Seth, Leah, and Judah. It was fun to see their new place, see where Seth works, and meet their new pastor. Leah dished up some awesome homemade pizzas and Seth and I saw JMU defeat William & Mary in overtime in men's soccer. As fast as life is right now, and as restless as it is making me feel, it was great to take some time and hang out with good friends, laugh, and just share life together. Judah, their 9 month old is a lot of fun, and has such a great personality...it makes me excited for Tim and Kriste n as they prepare for their first child in the next few weeks!

Seth has a great gig right now, but it would be wise for anyone reading this blog to save this picture, because if Seth ever goes on the market again for a job, this picture will win over your search committee or congregation in a heartbeat. Eat your heart out Joel Osteen, you may have been on 60 Minutes last night, but a robe has never looked this good...

reading week

2007-10-09T07:36:00.000-05:00

So things never seem to slow down, but this week I've got a lot to try to finish up including a paper and applying for Advanced Placement classes and starting to research some Ph.D. stuff. After some discussion with our academic dean and a couple professors, I am considering to possibly continue my studies. Anybody have any recommendations of schools, professors, programs, etc.? Anybody know how to even start this process? I figure I will spend some time researching schools, examining programs and seeing what might be a good fit for what I'd like to study and the type of professors I'd get to work with. But really, I have no idea what I'm doing, and I don't even know where to start.

The academic dean who got the ball rolling with me, asking me to at least "consider" working on a doctorate, thought that Philosophy or Philosophy for Theology, or Philosophy of Religion, or Doctorate of Theology (at Duke) were some programs to consider....I'm not that smart, so I have no idea if any of this will work, or if I'll have the energy to go on for further studies. Yet at the same time, if i do want to continue to do this whole "pastoring" thing, I would like to be able to work and financially be more independent from having to be dependent on a church and the bulk of the community's tithes going towards running an organization. I think teaching could be a great job, and I'd love to consider teaching alongside pastoring.

Maybe I'm just crazy though. I'm pretty sure I am.

The un/known God

2007-09-27T12:55:00.000-05:00

Continuing in Rollins' book How (Not) to Speak of God...

This is a subsection of Chapter two, and in this section of "The un/known God" Rollins' first paragraph helps immensely in our discussion of God's location and relationship to us in the midst of life, creation, the world, suffering, joy, etc.:

"What is beginning to arise from the discussion so far is the idea that God ought to be understood as radically transcendent, not because God is somehow distant and remote from us, but precisely because God is immanent. In the same way that the sun blinds the one who looks directly at the light, so God's incoming blinds our intellect. In this way the God who is testified to in the Judeo-Christian tradition saturates our understanding with a blinding presence. This type of transcendent-immanence can be described as 'hypernymity'. While anonymity offers too little information for our understanding to grasp (like a figure on television who has been veiled in darkness so as to protect their identity), hypernymity gives us far too much information. Instead of being limited by the poverty of absence we are short-circuited by the excess of presence. The anonymous and the hypernonymous both resist reduction to complete understanding, but for very different reasons."

...We've been having a discussion the last few weeks in the adult small group I'm in about the problem of God and the problem of evil, and how to talk about God and evil and the suffering people go through. Which has ultimately led us back to the notion and idea of prayer, and how God "answers" or "hears" or "responds" to our prayers.

I have mostly come to rest in this mystery of prayer as an act of posturing before God, "as the object before the ultimate Subject" or as the human at the feet of God. Prayer helps me to be aware of God's hypernymity in ways that I have been too busy or too selfish, or simply unaware of before. I have a hard time with God being outside of time or space because I believe God to not be distant because God is striking the hiesman pose and keeping us at arms length, but rather God is radically transcendent through being such a blinding light, that I cannot possibly capture God in the fullness of God's being, and totality of the reality of God's movement in the world with my senses. There is this sense that God is at work all around us and in us as a community in the midst of suffering and evil and is beautifully blinding to our senses because we cannot comprehend the abounding goodness and grace of God.

A good weekend and a new friend

2007-09-24T08:05:00.000-05:00

This weekend marked the second Summit Lake Fall Retreat for senior high students that I've taken students on since being a youth pastor. We joined about 200 folks in a weekend of reflection, worship, conversation, and fun. The retreat was put together by a team of youth workers from NorthStar Church Network, which my church is a part of, and in the last three years as I've gotten more and more involved on the associational level, I've made some good friends, and been able to help create some positive experiences for students that help to push the confines of the conversation to new places. We were able to incorporate worship stations, great music, powerful breakout sessions, together with a thought-provoking and generous speaker Chris Folmsbee, to help us work into an on-going emerging conversation taking place in a theologically diverse group of churches. Last year my friends Harp 46 played for the entire weekend, and this year they were back for two of our four worship gatherings over the weekend. Hearing Harp 46 play live is such an amazing experience...whether we are singing "worship" songs or not, being in the same room while they do their thing is simply beautiful. Last night as Shey and I were discussing the retreat, we both kept coming back to Harp's worship sets, and how we just miss that kind of reflective, prompting music that offers more complexity and texture than the typical pop-worship we are accustomed to. Harp 46 also has added another member to the band, Amanda Lee, who has a tremendous voice, and did a fantastic job helping lead our students through a time of worship through music.

It was also really great for Shey and I to get to hang out with April and Nuc's son Lukas during their worship sets. There were some cool moments as Chris was talking about the importance of new life and how we are made in the image of God, to be able and look over to see such new life in some of the children there, like Lukas, it was very moving.

So we had a good retreat, and over the last couple of months in conversations and emails, and now after hanging out a bit, it was a blessing to be develop a new friendship. As I mentioned before, Chris Folmsbee was our speaker this weekend. He's the author of A New Kind of Youth Ministry, and is now the Chief Ministry Officer of YouthFront and President of the Sonlife division of YouthFront after the recent merger of the two ministries. (YouthFront and Sonlife) He did a great job speaking and helped urge the conversation amongst our students and youth workers to new places as we discussed being made in the image of God, holistically missional, life change and action, and the importance of being open-minded (amongst many other things). We had a chance to hang out for a bit on Saturday night, and it was encouraging to hear about the ways the YouthFront and Sonlife are coming together to help shape and stimulate the conversation and provide some great resources for future youth ministry. If you have a chance to hang out with Chris, or hear him speak, make sure you do. Thanks for a great weekend and great conversation Chris! Oh, and he's also blogged about his experience with us here.

Heads Up

2007-09-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

Today is a good blog day. There is a lot of great discussions and articles out there, and just a few to check out:

If you haven't read Colossians Remixed: Subverting the Empire, I highly recommend it, and over at Jesus Creed, Scot McKnight is doing a fantastic job blogging through the book. Be sure to check it out.

Josh Brown, also of The Nick and Josh Podcast, has a great post raising issues from an article by Thomas Friedman (Friedman's article is also good), questioning whether the micro-level actions of consumers is actually making a difference or enacting a so-called "green revolution." This is a great post.

Lastly, there is an absolutely fantastic article written by Sally Morganthaler over at Allelon called Worship as Evangelism, that offers some strong and profound thoughts on the directions of mega-churches, contemporary worship, and the idea of worship as evangelism. A must read for worship leaders and church leaders. (ht: Jonny Baker)

good morning

2007-09-18T08:26:00.000-05:00

Good morning
Look at the valedictorian scared of the future
While I hop in the De Lorean
Scared-to-face-the-world complacent career student
Some people graduate, but we still stupid
They tell you read this, eat this, don't look around
Just peep this, preach us, teach us, Jesus
-Kanye West, "Good Morning"

I had breakfast with Tim today, and after some good conversation and a trip to Target to pick up some fun for my man R.J. who is giving one of his kidneys to his cousin today, I was driving home and listening to Kanye's new album. I think the combination of the two classes I have on Tuesday nights is a recipe for some big change...I am taking a Mystical Theology class where we are studying the early Desert Fathers, followed by a class on preaching. While I am wrestling with both in very different ways, the readings and the classes are wonderful explorations of my most personal and communal theologies. Union with God and community, and the event of preaching.

As I was listening to the first track on Kanye's album "Good Morning", this morning, this verse (above) struck me in a way as another perspective of the promise I made to myself this year. I promised myself to start putting forth more of my own ideas, new theologies and perspectives that I am wrestling with and trying to articulate. Even though the teachers and preachers are often trying to convince me of "the" way to preach, view baptists, understand the reformation, or new theologies or expressions of church, I promised to start speaking up, questioning out loud more, and find my voice amidst the chorus around me. I'm not going to disregard or stop listening to these voices, these teachers and preachers, but I don't want to wake up years from now, and feel like I never digested what I was told or instructed or learned. I might just join Mr. West for a trip in the De Lorean this year...so good morning.

So Two Youth Pastors and a Monk Walk Into a Bar...

2007-09-14T18:14:00.001-05:00

And I got no punchline...but, last night I joined my friend Tom Lynch and my new friend Mark, a novitiate who is coming up on his possible ordination and taking perpetual vows into the diaconate in the coming months as he finishes his M. Div., at a bar last night, and couldn't resist the post title. We are taking a Baptist history class together, and thought we'd hang out a bit after class. Unlike my lame post, Mark told a couple great jokes last night, and we spent some time laughing, sharing our stories, and discussing some theology and philosophy...it was one of those times when you are so thankful to have the opportunity to study and dialogue with great people in a positive learning environment. Good stuff.

sunflowers and social justice

2007-09-12T10:04:00.000-05:00

I had a pretty busy day yesterday, up early to finish a paper and do some reading, upon which I was late to my Theology of the Psalms class with Dr. Smith that morning because of bad traffic, and then read The Life of St. Antony by Athanasius, and a chapter from Fred Craddock's book on preaching, then went to classes that night. It was a busy day, but it had a reflective start. In front of me yesterday morning was some sunflowers from the garden that reminded me of the need to slow down and live simply, and I was drinking out of a mug urging me to find a prophetic voice to cry out for injustice. Thanks to Andrea for the mug which she gave me after harvesting her garden while she was on vacation...

I hope folks are well. peace.

the goings on

2007-09-10T07:19:00.000-05:00

So I preached on Labor Day weekend, and this past weekend I led a seminar for our association on youth ministry titled "Breaking Out of the Entertainment Model of Youth Ministry." If you'd like to download my latest sermon, you can right click here, select "save as" and download the sermon. If you'd like to simply listen to the sermon (I think in Real Player) click here. The sermon was called "Becoming Part of the Story of God" and I preached on the text of Mark 5:21-43.

School is in full swing, and for the most part I am really enjoying my classes. I sort of have these crises events after some nights, where sometimes I am like: "I am doing the right thing training to become a pastor. I love this." Other nights: "What am I thinking. I'm going to drag everyone down to hell right with me..."

I have come to realize that most of the doubts stem from my inability to disconnect what some professors or students believe that the "church" or "preaching" or "the Bible" must be understood as, in relation to new expressions and thoughts of about said subjects, doctrines, or theologies where I might be leaning into. I'm not really sure what I think about in terms of having a "calling" or a specific vocation. Who knows...

The garden is doing well. We have tons of tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, pumpkins, and sunflowers. I ate my first watermelon from the garden and it was delicious. Big thanks to the McCarty's for their sharing of seeds, and help getting started. I have already learned so much this year, it makes me excited to try some new methods and grow some different plants next year...how's everybody else?

Oh yeah, I can't forget that we had our first soccer game this weekend. Tim and I are playing on a new team this year, and we won our first game. Seth, you'd like these dudes and our one female teammate as well, she is really good, because they pass, and they work hard. Tim said he'd score a goal and dedicate it to you. He also said that he'd paint your face on his chest and after he scores, he'll pull the front of his shirt up onto his head and run around acting like he's flying, in his dedication-of-the-goal-to-Seth celebration.

hyper-present

2007-09-10T06:46:00.000-05:00

Remember Peter Rollins? Well, let's see if we can't work through a bit more of How (Not) to Speak of God. If you remember, I was working through some of this fantastic book. Let's see if we can't work through the rest of it in the next couple of weeks. If you want to read from the beginning, go here, here, here, and here.

Continuing in Chapter 2, Rollins proposes this notion of God as hyper-present, super-present. "It means that God not only overflows and overwhelms our understanding but also overflows and overwhelms our experience (pg. 23)." So often, people talk about this notion of God being close, yet distant. This has to do with the realization that while we try to talk about God and know God, we come to realize that we can't capture God, and that even our best attempts to talk about God are limited. So in one sense there seems to be distance. Yet, in this distance, followers of Jesus also try to talk about God's immanence, the notion that God is not far away, and that God is intimately involved in the events of today. Yet it is hard to reconcile these notions of God being both distant and yet close at the same time.

So as Rollins describes God as hyper-present, the distance we feel or sense in our understanding of God is not because God is actually far away, but in reality, it is because our understanding of God is saturate with "a blinding presence (24.)." God is super-present, or "hypernonymous" in that God is so close, the presence of God in our midst overwhelms our senses and reality and we can only take in so much (24). This acknowledgment of God as hyper-present rests in the belief that God is the "absolute subject before whom we are the object (23)." In this sense, we are the object before God to be known, and rather than the other way around.

Rollins again clarifies saying that, "In this reading, Christ, as the image of the invisible God, both reveals and conceals God: rendering God known while simultaneously maintaining divine mystery. Here the God testified to in Christianity is affirmed as an un/known God (25)." If you sense a tinge of Eastern Orthodox and apophatic theology coming through...it is beautifully mysterious isn't it? I had written a paper on Pseudo-Dionysius in the spring about the notion of knowing God in our unknowing, and Rollins articulates both the point of view of PD and the aftermath of theology in writing: " Pseudo-Dionysius argues that this knowing unknowing acknowledges its profound finitude and inability to grasp that to which the religious individual intends. This divine darkness represents a type of supra-darkness that stands in sharp contradistinction to the sub-darkness of desolate nihilism. While one is brought about by an absolute excess of light, the other results from a total absence; while one represents a higher form of unknowing that subverts reasoning, the other signals mere ignorance (28)." An absolute excess of light...that is a beautiful vision.

So to wrap up this monster post, and Chapter 2, we have talked before about our need to both speak about God, yet realize the limitations in out talk about God, and the need to realize that when we speak about God we are not capturing God with our thoughts, as though God is the object of whom we can capture. Instead, we recognize our need for an "epistemological silence" and as Rollins writes, "We must speak and yet we must maintain our silence, we maintain distance amidst the proximity of God, and we must worship while being careful not to make God into the object of our worship: for God is the subject before whom we worship (30)." Amen.

first sunflowers, what a morning

2007-09-04T10:11:00.000-05:00

We picked some of our first sunflowers yesterday. They brighten up the house, and because they are sunflowers with autumn-like colors, they remind me of the coming cool air and fall beauty ready to come. This will be our first full fall at the Owsley's house, and I'm really excited to be out here this fall, to have the leaves change, and the air become crisp. I put up a few pictures above of some of the sunflowers opened up this morning. Along with the sunflowers, I found a cool grasshopper resting on an unopened sunflower, and I caught a moment of the morning sun coming through the trees onto the garden. There is also a picture of one of the bigger pumpkins growing down at the garden. It's nothing compared to a lot of the bohemoths growing in the pumpkin patch that the Owsleys are growing for their "pick-your-own-pumpkin patch," but I'm happy that I got anything to grow this year.

Yesterday morning I had breakfast with Ben and Pedro, two of the high school dudes who live upstairs. Ben is the Owsley's youngest, and only son, (you may remember him from such other posts involving midnight gardening, or our zombie pictures) who has become a great friend. Pedro is the Brazilian foreign exchange student living with the Owsleys this year, and he seems like a great kid; I'm really enjoying getting to know him. We made some kickin' omlets yesterday filled with fresh veggies from the garden. It was sweet.

Lastly, I had a powerful moment this morning after reading a lot about some the Egyptian monastics, especially Antony, one of the desert fathers, and as I went to the garden, took some of the above pictures, and then went for a run in the morning sun and cool breeze...Sufjan Steven's "The Predatory Wasp of The Palisades Is Out to Get Us" came on, and the morning sun was shining bright. There were a couple tractors in the field, who had begun to make bales of hay yesterday. And in the beauty of the quiet morning, and in spirit of the mystics, and the great music, I was stirred in my soul for the first time in such a long time. What a morning.

starting again

2007-08-24T20:14:00.000-05:00

Well another semester is getting rolling. I'm taking a couple of classes I am really excited about, and a couple that could go either way. The ones that could go either way are "Preaching" and "Baptist Identity and History." Preaching can go either way because I've never had this professor, and am not sure how the class is going to work, so it could be great, or could be a major pain. Baptist Identity and History is going to help distinguish what some of the Baptist distinctives have been over time and history for Baptists. I am excited to learn some of it, but I think that some of the reading will be dry, and I may come out of the class shedding even more of my Baptist skin (which if you know me, you may wonder if I even have any Baptist flesh hanging on).

I am really excited about Historical Theology III which is the third of my historical theology classes, where we will study the European Reformations up through the Enlightenment. It is with one of the best professors I have ever had, Dr. Tarmo Toom. I am also taking another class with Dr. Toom called Mystical Theology: Spiritual Formation in the Early Church. It should be awesome. I'm also taking Theology of the Psalms with Dr. Bill Smith, pastor of a local church near my seminary who did his Ph.D. work on the Psalms, so this should be another great class.

It should be a great semester, but it is always intimidating to look at a fresh batch of syllabuses and wonder how all the work will ever get done. Here's to hoping for the best.

so I think I'm going to start hunting

2007-08-18T10:17:00.000-05:00

Because deer suck.

They ate most of my corn.

And I think that the time has come for me to learn how to shoot a gun, and take care of my antler-induced problem.

gardening, pickles, and the latest harvest

2007-08-17T09:23:00.000-05:00

So I've sucked at posting lately, partially b/c the lovely civics-teaching wife and i traveled to see my youngest brother and family before he heads off to college, and partially b/c i have felt like i have too much to say, yet can't say anything. sometimes that's how things are you know?...the garden is doing well, though i'm having some big japanese beetle problems. they are making me want to leave my organic ways behind, and go on a high-speed, all-encompassing insecticide mission with all the pesticides and little tiny tweezers that i can find to spray and squeeze them to death.

below are some pictures of our first attempt at canning, we made pickles with a great friend Joel Lindsey, and there are some pics of this mornings harvest, along with some pictures of the garden before i left for MN to visit family. to be honest, what really makes me want to blog the most though is reading Wendell Berry. I'm currently working through Fidelity, a collection of five (short) stories, and i feel like the world is right again when i read Berry. i hope folks are well, and if anyone has any organic solutions to killing japanese beetles, please let me know!

some things i'm thinking about

2007-07-20T10:26:00.000-05:00

so is anyone else excited about David Beckham? L.A. Galaxy is playing D.C. United in DC on August 9th...and I'd like to go if anyone else is interested...let's make it happen. I think our little Fauquier County Soccer Club has tickets that we can buy. i hope this helps soccer to take off a little more in the US.

i've got a paper to write due tomorrow and i leave for a trip with the students from my church where i youth pastor on Sunday. anybody want to write my paper for me? i have to write a paper discussing how the humanity of Christ relates to the situation where a husband has made it difficult for his wife to go to church has committed suicide, and then i have to allow my theology about that situation to inform my creation of a funeral service....

lastly, here is a pic from the garden of late. we had some beautiful thunderstorms yesterday and last night. which brought some great and needed rains, however, the wind blew so hard that it knocked over some of my corn, so i spent part of this morning standing them back up properly. we have some bell peppers starting to grow as well as some jalapeños. i've gotten to eat some banana peppers, and the rest of the stuff is flowering and growing well. hopefully the corn will rebound a bit after a rough go of it in the wind yesterday.

summer life

2007-07-17T16:33:00.000-05:00

being about halfway through summer, i can't believe how fast the time is flying by, and how much there seems left to do. i have finally gotten into a good routine of reading. i finished The Kite Runner a couple of days ago and started on another novel called Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim's Tale that has been a quick read so far.

Shey had Lasik today, so i'm trying to get some stuff done while she sleeps after the surgery this afternoon. things went well...and over the next few days she should be healing up before we head out on a missions trip to my old hometown of Appomattox, VA on Sunday.

this summer has had a much different feel than summers past. there has been a lot of nagging pressure to "get things done" or to just "succeed" in some manner, whether work or school. i know a big part of it is that the summer just started off rough, with some hard things happening with friends, with my grandfather's death, and some busy-ness with school and family. the summer just hasn't been as settling as i hoped for...maybe after the trip next week things will feel better?

well, enough complaining. i've really been enjoying Wilco's new album Sky Blue Sky (even though some reviews have been kind of hard on the chillness of the album, it is up there in the top three for me of all Wilco albums). Ryan Adam's new album Easy Tiger is great too. And lest you think that I'm not still watching birds, here is a picture from a farm up the street with a bird that I'd venture to say is not quite native to VA:

Theology

2007-07-02T17:30:00.000-05:00

Well, I'd like to come back to Rollins finally, in an exploration of his second chapter of How (Not) to Speak of God. As I write I'm listening to Ryan Adam's Easy Tiger and on the advice of Jonny Baker I've also picked up Sinead O'Connor's newest titled Theology. Both are tremendous albums and I highly recommend them! I've never owned or really listened to Sinead O'Connor much, but I'm really blown away by the content of this double album.

So Rollins' second chapter is titled "The Aftermath of Theology" and in this chapter he seems to be describing the role and view of theology in light of previous chapter's critique of ideology and the notion that we can somehow capture or colonize God through our ideas of God. He proposes that we see ourselves as the object of theology where theology is created through our lives as God speaks into them. Theology is less a human discourse about God where we debate ideas and notions of God; instead, theology is the place where God speaks into human life and discourse. Rollins goes on to write of theology:

"It is no longer thought of as a human discourse that speaks of God but rather as the place where God speaks into human discourse. In other words, theology is understood as the site in which revelation makes its appearance in the world, the place in which theos (God) impacts, and overwhelms, the human realm of logos (reason). Consequently we do not do theology but are rather overcome and transformed by it: we do not master it but are mastered by it (pg. 21)."

So in this view of theology, the traditional modes of the relationship are subverted and redefined. God is now the subject unto which all of creation and humanity are object to. This helps us immensely to be free from the temptation and task from trying to reduce God into an object for our consideration. "God is not a theoretical problem to somehow resolve but rather a mystery to be participated in." (pg. 22) This is such a freeing notion to me that I need not worry or think that it is somehow of my ability to comprehend God as God really is...as though if i just read the Bible enough or studied enough, or could just "get it right" then I would be able to reach a new level or plane in knowing God. Instead, in this journey of faith, theology becomes the mystical union and exploration of the revelation of God in my own life and the life of my community as God works among us.

I'm going to stop here in Chapter 2 and start next where Rollins talks about God as "hyper-present" because I think that this is one of the most important concepts in the book that discusses how God is present with us in revelation.

so i preached...

2007-06-27T22:48:00.000-05:00

I don't preach too often at the church where I'm youth pastor at (probably for a number of very good reasons!), but this past Sunday I got to throw all my cards on the table and share a message from the pulpit, that is the music stand in the elementary school gym where we have our worship gatherings. I preached a sermon titled "The Kingdom of God: God With Us." I explored and visited the text of Lamentations 3:15-26 as a meditative reading and responsive reading during different parts of the service, and preached on Luke 4:14-30.

If you'd like to download the sermon right click here and "save as" to download the sermon. If you'd like to stream the sermon, simply click here and you you'll be redirected to stream and listen now to the sermon.

Some of you may know that the last six weeks or so have been some difficult ones...my grandfather passed away just as finals were beginning for seminary, I got poison ivy so that I couldn't walk, my mother-in-law broke her ankle, and since Shey's only sister who requires full-time care as a result of a car accident a number of years ago was devoid of a care giver who could get around...Shey and I moved in to the in-laws house for a few days each week for a few weeks to help out. My youngest brother C-$$ graduated high school, and I had crazy papers to write to finish up school which all hit in a short amount of time. And as I was preaching and sharing about God being those who are down-and-out, the vulnerable, the blind, the poor and the downcast...I was moved deeply as I was realizing the depth to which God is with us in the midst of an embodied community.

I'm no great preacher, but I am thankful for the chances to share a little bit of where I am going in my journey with Christ in the midst of a larger community that I am a part of.

Hopefully the summer will slow down a bit from here. I'm trying to read some literature and novels along with some theology this summer and play a little Wii if I get a chance. Anybody read The Kite Runner? That's one of the highest on my list for the summer, it kind of skipped up the list after listening to a recent podcast with Greg Horton over at The Parish and with Wired Parish.com. Otherwise, just trying to chill out a bit for the first time in a while it seems...

midnight gardening

2007-06-21T14:01:00.000-05:00

okay, so it wasn't quite midnight...but it was easily11:30 before all was done. i didn't have a chance to water the garden yesterday, and it was quite warm the last couple of days, so i asked the lovely wife and great friend Ben Owsley (who is the son of the Owsley family whose apartment we are renting) to join me in a special activity of which i like to call "midnight gardening." we gathered up some headlamps, pointed the truck lights onto the garden and watered away. we laughed a lot and got some sweet pictures. here's a picture of the three of us doing what we do best:

and in this picture Ben and I are doing our best zombie killer impression:

and lastly a nice picture of Shey and Ben as we gathered our watering buckets in the back of the truck and headed back home:

i'm taking a class this weekend on the theology of the pastor, and then preaching on sunday. the sermon title is "The Kingdom of God: God with Us" and the text will be Luke 4:14-30. i'll be sharing some of the things going on with Shey and I as we've had some hard stuff happening with family, and preaching on the importance of both being in community and including and welcoming people into the community that Jesus talks about from Luke 4.

i've got some rollins stuff i'd like to share, but will probably have to wait until next week. we'll see.

where it all started

2007-06-07T07:10:00.000-05:00

Hey friends...here is where the garden started...with a rototiller given to me by a good friend's family (it's 18 years old) when they moved to Colorado (thanks to the Walls) and the lawnmower is borrowed from the family we are renting from. So starting from these pictures the evolution and creation of the garden begins. You can see the latest pictures from the garden in an earlier post below this one. This has been such a great time to be outside in beauty and putting my hands in the dirt. It has been wonderful, beautiful...and so much more than my words can convey. When you are out there, with the birds singing, your hands in the dirt, pulling weeds, seeing the new life of green plants shooting through the dark dirt after a cool rain, and seeing new life emerge from dust...it is a glorious thing to be a part of.

While I don't have a cherry tree, this poem by Wendell Berry in Given from his Sabbath poems of 2002, poem V, describes the beauty of walking in the garden amidst the life and light of nature, with birds and gardening together, what else could I hope for?:

The cherries turn ripe, ripe,
and the birds come: red-headed
and red-bellied woodpeckers,
blue jays, cedar waxwings,
robins--beautiful, hungry, wild
in our domestic tree. I pick
with the birds, gathering the red
cherries alight among the dark
leaves, my hands so sticky
with juice from the fruit will hardly
drop from them into the pail.
The birds pick as I pick, all
of us delighted in the weighty heights
-the fruit red ripe, the green leaves,
the blue sky and white clouds,
all tending to flight--making
the most of this sweetness against
the time when there will be none.

latest pics from the garden

2007-06-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

not since third grade...

2007-06-04T22:04:00.000-05:00

Well, not since third grade have i gotten poison ivy. And even then i didn't get it bad...well, after my visit to the doctor today, i learned that as you get older, your body becomes less capable of fighting off attacks compared to the younger years. And thus, I have for the first time become a walking, swollen-legged, puss-ing, poison-ivy getter. Below, you can see the fun...it's kind of gross, just for a heads up!

Sorry for the lack of blogging. These past six weeks have been some of the craziest since Shey and I have been together...and that is saying a lot considering some of the hardships we've been through with family and friends in the last couple of years of marriage, and dating. There has been some hardships with some friends, finals and final papers for seminary, my grandfather passed away, and my mother-in-law broke her ankle on Memorial Day. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal, but Shey's only sister was in a car accident almost seven years ago now, and she requires full-time care. So Shey and I have been trying to wrap up school, recover from the busy-ness of the end of the semester and my grandfather's passing (which there will be some posts to discuss in the future) and now caring for Shey's great family, which means her sister Emily and mom who now is the proud owner of seven screws and a metal plate in her ankle. It's been bananas. But you know, things have a way of working out. It's not easy, and a lot of times it isn't fun, and i certainly don't think "God brings us through this to teach us a lesson" or to "understand the hope of the future in heaven when things will be OK" but rather that when walking with God, we find strength to keep our heads up when they only seem to want to fall, and we find friends and community who will walk through the hardships with us when all we feel is alone. And most of all, we see that God has never left us.

Don't get me wrong, I hope things calm down soon. I hope that I can get my 25-page paper done on time. I hope that Shey or I don't have some sort of grand mental break-down. I hope that Shey's mom heals quickly. I hope my brother's graduation goes well this weekend. I hope this disgusting poison ivy goes away soon. I hope for many things, many things unseen...it's funny, that in getting this poison ivy again for the first time in years (and I grew up in the country where we used to play in poison ivy and not care one bit and I never got it) sometimes I feel like I have come back to some of the same mysterious wonder in my understanding and view of God that enraptured me as a child. I don't always understand how or why this stuff happens, and sometimes I'm pissed about it, but this mystery wraps me up and brings me in even when I want to run away.

On a lighter note, and McCarty's if you're still out there reading...the garden is blooming and alive! (So far of course!) Thanks again for the seeds! I'll post some pics soon of the garden that has been a safe haven of joy for me, and a blessing to share with Shey as we endeavor to live more simply and sustainably. mmmmmm...squash, corn, zuccini, tomatoes, watermelons, cantelopes, and more!

early Wednesday morning

2007-05-23T01:28:00.001-05:00

it's early in the morning, and i've not quite made it to bed after a long day of writing papers and figuring out life. i had a great night with a good friend after classes tonight, we talked, laughed and shared life together.

it's been kind of a crazy week, writing papers to wrap up classes, studying, and spending some time with family. of a sad note, and more importantly, my grandfather passed away Monday evening after a long bout with some chronic back issues and congestive heart failure. it's always kind of crazy to go from hospital situations and spaces of hurt and grieving into "normal" spaces of laughing, papers, work, busy-ness over the last few days. yet sometimes i realize that becoming immersed in kind of so-called normal life helps to remind us that life and loss are normal parts of the grand narrative. it hits close to home with Pa-Pa being the last grandfather on my side of the family to be alive. and it also makes me think a lot about being a pastor and the emotional weight in being in community with people and walking through painful situations together.

i'm sure all of this is a jumbled mess, not really making any sense, partly because it is so late, partly because the majority of my brain is wrapped around unknowing in Pseudo-Dionysius' apophaticism, and partly because i have a million things running through my mind while i just want to spit out a couple of sentences. (most of which the things running around in my head are how i totally blew the final in my medieval theology class because things got crazy with my family this weekend and i didn't really get to study as i hoped...)

anyway. i've got two more papers to write in the next three weeks, but classes are over for now. i'll be getting back to more blogging and hopefully sharing some pics from the Hayden Farm. i hope all are well...

hot diggity dang

2007-05-14T10:02:00.000-05:00

It's 11 a.m. on Monday morning, and I've gotten some stuff done, and not enough all at the same time. I've got about 60-65 pages of papers to write in the next five weeks. I've really enjoyed my classes this semester, but there just doesn't seem to be enough time for everything! My grandfather is back in the hospital, and with my parents 20 hours away by car, there is some implicit responsibility and worry that I have in trying to keep some things together for them in looking out for their folks. Church is in the crazy spin that goes into the summer (which I have thankfully gotten to slow down!). And I've got classes tonight and tomorrow, and the next week are finals and a lot of papers being due! And let's not forget that the wonderful, teacher wife's exhaust pipe fell off of her car...

With all that on the plate right now, I have to say, last night, working to get the garden going with my great wife couldn't have been any more amazing. I was rototilling more of the soil (pictures to come soon) and Shey raked out a lot of the grass from my previous adventures of rototilling and then started shoveling compost in for the final batch of tilling before planting this week. The weather was absolutely perfect and the sun was setting with a guy on his tractor in the other field, the stream was rushing nearby, and a beautiful barn and silo in the next field over set the backdrop...it honestly couldn't have calmed my heart more. The great family we are living with has had some tractor trouble, they were going to help speed the garden making process up for me by plowing a small section for the garden...so I waited a bit for that to happen, which then couldn't b/c the plow got stuck on the tractor, so getting the garden started took a bit more work...but I love being out there. It is so amazing to enjoy the outside again...and the time with Shey was perfect.

I hope all is well folks. I'm going to get back to Rollins' soon. But I've got Pseudo-Dionysius, Christian Ethics, Eschatology & Spiritual Formation, and Who is God to be finishing up in the next couple of weeks. I will try to get to Rollins again post-finals. Otherwise its papers, gardening, and hanging out with the Mrs. and church stuff right now....peace.

post-Christendom, black theology & black power, and Jesus Camp

2007-04-27T08:05:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems like the schoolwork never ends, and honestly, the overwhelming number of powerful books with rich perspectives and deep theologies of hope and prophetic voices keep finding their way into the house. I just finished Rethinking Christ and Culture: A Post-Christendom Perspective by Craig Carter this morning en route to Black Theology & Black Power by James Cone for my Theology and Culture class. We've been reading some great stuff in this class, and we are finishing up by choosing a theologian of our choice and finding out how their culture informs and invites their theology and perspective. I have chosen James Cone, author of the above mentioned Black Theology & Black Power as well as a number of other books, including A Black Theology of Liberation which I will also be reading for class. Race, racism, race relations, history, and liberation theologies have been forever knocking around in my mind, and so I thought that it would be good to start close to home before striking out into a more global perspective (thus I'm starting with Cone).

Last night, Shey and I watched Jesus Camp, a documentary that focused on a fundamentalist and pentecostal prayer and evangelical camp for children (with some young pre-teens, e.g. 12 years old). It was a hard movie to watch, not because I don't think that such radicalism is capable of happening, but because I have finally realized the primary location of my frustration with the majority of the political endeavor as typically understood by evangelical Christians: Christendom is assumed to be both necessary and the primary means of the kingdom come on earth as in heaven.

In Rethinking Christ and Culture, Carter points out, that the downfall of H. Richard Niebuhr's work Christ and Culture is the assumption that Christendom, i.e. the alignment of the nation-state and the church, is the primary (and necessary) means of God's will being done on earth in coordination with the church. Jesus Camp highlighted this thinking clearly, when the leaders of the children's camp highlighted that these young ones would become part of God's army to bring America back to its Judeo-Christian roots and lead this nation in the fight against abortion and radical Islam. My question isn't whether necessary changes should be made to highlight the significance of human life in all places and the dangers of radical fundamentalism in any religion, but rather this: have Christians, of either the liberal (who hope that by co-opting the state for its own tasks, e.g. taking care of the poor) or conservative (who use the state to legislate its own moral views, e.g. abortion and homosexuality) stripe, placed their hope and power in the hands of a fundamentally distorted power which wields and controls its power by the sword, and is at its roots incompatible with the radical call of Jesus to nonviolence and discipleship?

I think that Carter's book offers a prophetic critique of the notion that Christendom was a profitable experiment for the church, and I think that Jesus Camp highlights the seriousness of the loss of perspective in the church and uncovers the uniqueness in the message of Jesus that finds hope in the Lordship of Christ, rather than the powers of this world. Just in case you haven't heard about this movie, which is very fairly done and has been well received by those in the documentary itself, below is a trailer. I highly recommend you watch this movie at some time. The filmmakers (Heidi Ewing & Rachel Grady) also directed Boys of Baraka, which I have posted on before, and which is an extremely powerful look at the state of the school system in Baltimore City and the long-lasting effect of racism. Below is a trailer for Jesus Camp.

God rid me of God

2007-04-17T13:07:00.000-05:00

Chapter One of Rollins' work How (Not) to Speak of God is titled "God rid me of God" and is a rumination and exploration of idolatry. What is idolatry in light of postmodernism? How can our concepts of God become idolatrous?

As I start to write, I'm listening to The Arcade Fire's newest album Neon Bible, specifically the song "Intervention." If churches had organists who could blow up the organ like this in church, then by all means, bring back traditional instruments into the service as fast as possible! Sorry for the aside, but this album is awesome.

Back to Rollins. There is a lot to think about in this chapter, with a lot of the content dealing with epistemology (the study of how we know things). What do we mean when we say we know God? Do we believe that we know God as God really is? Is that even possible? One of the great insights that postmodernism has helped to develop, and Rollins clearly calls for this, is a high level of epistemological humility. What we know about God must be girded by a deep-rooted humility that acknowledges our limits in understanding God as God really is. This does not mean that we don't need to try to know God, but rather come to the place where we can realize that our understanding and knowledge of God is good, but always limited and wrapped in mystery. Rollins writes at the end of the chapter:

"In short, the emerging conversation is in a unique place to acknowledge the long-forgotten insight that God hides in God's visibility, realizing that revelation embraces concealment at one and the same time as it embraces manifestation and that our various interpretations of revelation will always be provisional, fragile, and fragmentary. While all of the Church has maintained that there is a revealed and hidden side of God, the difference here is that we are rediscovering the Barthian insight that even the revealed side of God is mysterious (pg. 18)."

Rollins points out that it is necessary for us as Christians to realize that "God hides in God's visibility," that is, that even the parts of God God shows us, we see in part, never in full. This should raise some questions about whether God is far away, or able to be known at all, and this will be discussed in further chapters, but I'll end with an illuminating comment by Rollins:

"Hence revelation ought not to be thought of either as that which makes God known or as that which leaves God unknown, but rather as the overpowering light that renders God known as unknown (pg. 17)."

where to go from here?

2007-04-10T10:48:00.000-05:00

Shey and I finished, on Easter of all wonderful days, the series Six Feet Under we have been watching for quite awhile now. There really aren't words to express just how amazing this show was. If you haven't watched it, give it a try. Creative and executive producer of the show is Alan Ball, the writer of American Beauty (which was the Oscar-winning precursor to this show). I don't want to build it up to much, b/c you might hate it. But it really is the best show I have ever watched. It is heavy at times, but never without hope. It is complex, without trying to make things too hard. A beautiful show, definitely for mature audiences.

I can't believe it is over. I don't know where you can go from here in terms of quality TV shows? Any suggestions?

last day at the beach

2007-04-06T16:28:00.000-05:00

Well, this isn't the way you typically like to end your bout at the beach, with a bit of cold weather, but we had a good day and tried to make the most of it! We've had a good week, and if you haven't checked out the pics from yesterday, there are some cool ones with alligators, besides all the birds that may be boring to you! Below are a couple of others I snapped today, a sweet brown pelican (one with a friend) and an osprey. Hope things are well with all as we prepare for Easter...peace.

a glimpse of our day

2007-04-05T19:55:00.000-05:00

hey folks,

here are some pics from our recent trip to Pinckney Island, a wildlife refuge near Hilton Head Island, SC where Shey and I are taking a little vacation and enjoying our spring breaks from school. As you can expect there are more bird shots than most anything else, but there are a few gators too. sorry for the break from Rollins, i had too many books to bring for school to read at the beach, not to mention books to learn how to garden. but i'll start back up after i get home next weekend. i hope everyone is well, i feel like there is a lot to talk about--a lot of hopes i have for how gardening will bring some whole-life transformation...i love birds more than ever, and i am really enjoying marriage with Shey (vacation with her is just so much fun, and so relaxing).

enjoy the pics...peace.


Pinckney Island