I think there are a lot of reasons why I don't blog as much as I'd like to. I think the novelty of writing in a format that is often imprecise, immediate, and often unbalanced is sort of nerve-wracking for me has finally worn off. It's really hard for me to let go of things in such a way as to let others see my processing and messiness, not because I think that I should hide or am ashamed of how I am processing life, faith, family, relationships, theology, God, etc....but more because I don't want to write things that are boring and unhelpful and a waste of everyone's time. It's like listening to a new album of music, being excited about a song or two, but overall, finding the majority of the experience boring and lacking creativity or excitement. I'm an album kind of person. If you were to take a look into my iTunes library...you wouldn't find many singles, or individual songs for an artist. I think the one song makes sense within a larger whole, and helps give its parts a stronger and more significant meaning when understood in the right environment. I used to have a rule in fact that I wouldn't listen to a new album until I had time to listen to the whole album all the way straight through. I'd lay on my bed and listen to an album, trying to hear the sounds, the words, and simply let the art wash over me. And sometimes, only a couple of songs would be any good, but I tend to gravitate towards musicians and bands who put together cohesive albums...which often stretch me into new places or new appreciations. But sometimes the things I am thinking about are really boring, or often lacking deep insight for many other people, but are fun for me to think about...e.g. stupid Onion articles, birds, etc.
But I think that I have started to realize that I need writing. I need the imprecise, journal style, unbalanced, messy format of writing and thinking. My brain is becoming overloaded with things I need to think about, and I just need to get it out. Maybe to all of you who are no longer reading because of my inadequate and infrequent postings, I may start writing about more therapeutic things for me (like the thought process behind considering a Ph.D., or teaching a diploma level theology class next semester, or possibly publishing a book about hope for students in a youth ministry line of books), that I will always love feedback about, or would love any thoughts someone else might have to help along the way.
I still hope to have some laughs, stir up the pot, and to keep up the conversations with friends that live far away, or I don't get to see as much, or whose thinking continues to influence and affect me. I'd like to share more random pictures of the garden, of birds, of life...and I will try to use this space to process for me, what is happening in my life, to share with others for sure, but most importantly, so that I keep up the habit of writing, processing, reflecting, and changing into the person that I believe God is inviting me to be.