Running a Half Marathon: Hope, Justice, and Friendship Converge

Nearly two months ago I ran a half marathon. It was one of the most exhausting, physically and mentally challenging, and beautiful things I have participated in. Not because the hot day or 13.1 miles were particularly that scenic (though there were some great moments along the way), but it was a convergence of friendship, hope, reflection, and justice.

The last 6 months have been some of the busiest of my entire life. My wife and I bought our first house, found out we were expecting another little boy, realized that we didn’t have adequate insurance, had to move out of our apartment because our new house took too long to build, wrote a book, raised a hilarious and compassionate 2-year old, lived with my in-laws for four months (which went really, really well), amongst the normal things of our jobs, raising a family, enjoying our marriage, and more.

I don’t say any of that to sound impressive, and if you saw my running times for the half marathon, you’ll see and know, there’s not much to be impressed about...unless of course you have the keen perspective to see it a benefit to be able to run a half marathon for the entire duration of a Godfather movie. Instead, I wanted to say that I had every reason not to want to run, and many days my body tried to convince me that the major chaffage and general smell of my shoes in cooperation with the business of my life would make it stupid to even try to run a half marathon.

So when Jamie sent out an email to myself and some college friends taunting us with his bulging calves and promise of lapping us in the running of the Historic Half Marathon in Fredericksburg, VA I laughed of course. And promptly thought that I’d send in a couple of bucks to help them as they looked to raise fund through running these races for their adoption process.

But how could I look into the face of Jamie Berry, well at least read the hilarity of his blog, and think that I could not support the former college housemate and founder of the famous wrestling move called “The Fishook” and not try to help out? In the midst of all the craziness of my life, the half marathon provided some much needed space, and best of all I could actually participate in helping good friends and great people participate in practicing justice, of joining with God in making things right in the world as they are seeking to adopt a sibling group from the 5 million orphans currently living in Ethiopia.

What I didn’t expect, when I told Jamie that I’d run and help him raise money to help offset the costs of the adoption, is that through the training and running of the race, that I’d be changed through the process as well, and that it would be such an emotional and powerful experience for me personally. But as I trained and ran the race, and found myself inhabiting quieter spaces, enjoying the beautiful hills of VA, and thinking about my family, the future hope of Jamie and Misty’s new family, and the joy of what that day will be like when these children will have a home, I began to realize to new depths the significance of what Jamie and Misty are doing together through adoption.

As I slowly crossed the finish line, and trust me, it was slowly, and my pregnant wife, extended family, and thousands of other people who I didn’t know cheered me on, I was reminded of the vision of what heaven may be like: when all people, in all of our glorious differences, with our different languages, experiences, nationalities and more, can be together and have a home where there is no more sorrow or pain, no more hunger or thirst, and no more orphans.

So, as I crossed the finish line, with tears welling up, I was reminded of the powerful significance of what Jamie and Misty are doing, as they are bringing into reality, for their part of the story, the vision of heaven here on earth. And though the next couple of days I could barely walk up or down stairs, and the chaffage made me scream when I tried to take showers, I couldn’t help but smile and laugh, and even cry when I think about the joy that Jamie and Misty will give as they become a new family with the orphans they will adopt; but I think that I also smile, laugh and cry, thinking about the joy, hope, and change that these once orphans and now sons and daughters will bring about in Jamie and Misty.

I thought that I was the one helping Jamie and Misty out, to raise money, spread awareness, and get my butt kicked by some streets near a college that wait-listed me even though “they really wanted more men to apply to help raise gender equality at the school (blah blah blah blah blah).” And I think I may have helped some. But honestly, I was so glad that Jamie and Misty have invited others and me to share in their journey and story of helping orphans halfway around the world become sons and daughters.

Thanks for letting this slow guy run and participate in such a great act of justice and hope as you raise funds and eventually adopt orphans from Ethiopia. If you’ve read this far, take a minute and see if you can’t support my friends as they move through this adoption process. Whether financially, you can donate here. Or by sending funny pictures for the blog, you can send them to Jamie here. Or by asking Jamie and Misty how you might be able to do something where you live or with them to help. Not only might it change your life, but it will certainly change the lives of a group of siblings looking to become part of a family, and that is a great place to have hope and justice converge.

Thanks for including me friends.
Josh Hayden

hello world!

2010. How did we get here? It has a been a remarkable and remarkably busy end to 2009 for the family and me. I really can't believe how fast it went and all the new experiences we had. We are in the process of buying/building a house in Old Town Warrenton right now. We have loved living out in the country, and there are a lot of things we are going to miss terribly, including the family we currently live with, but overall, we are quite excited to live back in town. It will make for some easier playdates for Rowan and Shey, and will decrease some of commuting times to most everything. We are three blocks from Main Street in Old Town Warrenton, and only four blocks from our first apartment. This means we are only a couple of blocks from the farmer's market, the great local food and shops in Old Town, and close to parks, friends, and work. We are buying a brand new home with a good start on some helpful environmentally-friendly characteristics. We honestly never thought we'd be able to buy a house in town, much less a brand new home, which we got to pick out a lot of the options, and is all sitting on half an acre on a side street with little traffic and lots of trees! We are so excited!

On the personal side of things I taught my first class ever, Christian Theology I, in the diploma program at The John Leland Center for Theological Studies. This was a test run for me...a much cheaper (in fact I got paid for it!) way of figuring out if I'd like to pursue a Ph.D. some day. I had a great time. It was a stretch to make it happen while working a full-time job, but the experience and the opportunity was too good to pass up. It was amazing to sit on the other side of the classroom, and have the privilege of being there as folks realize a new way of thinking about God, life, and theology; or to be a part of helping them ask better questions, or rid themselves of some unhelpful theologies. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and am looking forward to teaching Christian Theology II this spring semester.

I also officiated my first wedding a couple of weeks ago for one of Shey's cousins, and it was also a great time. Stressful at points, mostly because we were all trying to figure out how to best bring all of the details together, but when it was all said and done, it was a great time. Good food, family, friends, and two people eager to begin a new phase of their journey of life together.

Lastly, and everything isn't all said and done quite yet, but I turned in last week a manuscript for a book titled Sacred Hope for an organization in Kansas City called Barefoot Ministries, which is under the Nazarene Publishing House. It is written and geared towards students, and aimed at helping them interactively engage with the theology of hope: hope for tomorrow and hope for today. It is a short book, most likely in the 60-75 page range. I haven't received word yet if the manuscript has been accepted, so I haven't gotten my hopes totally up yet! Either way, it has been a wonderful process and a great opportunity to try to write a book. I'll keep you posted on how things work out.

I have been writing a lot for the book, and thus not writing much many other places. But writing so much over the last few months has sparked in me the desire to kick up some dust in the blog again. I forgot how much I loved writing until I was writing the book. I think the hardships surrounding Rowan's birth and Shey's back in tandem with graduating from seminary did a bigger number on me creatively, theologically, and emotionally than I was probably honest with myself about, and it showed in my lack of writing. I just wasn't at a place where I could simply be, and be in such a way where I could write transparently, even if only for myself.

So here's to 2010 and to more writing. Just in time to coincide with reading more poetry too. Love it.

so it has been a month...

Since I last posted.

Things have been a little out of control in terms of the busyness of life lately. We have had a lot of stuff to get ready for our new family member, school is kicking my butt this semester, and church has been busy too. Shey has also had a pretty rough go lately. We had a trip to the hospital on Monday after our doctor told us that we should go since Shey hadn't been able to stop throwing up for over 5 hours, and was having heavy stomach cramps, they wanted to make sure the baby was okay, and that Shey wasn't going into early labor. After a couple bags of IV fluid, some blood tests, and more throwing up, we headed home after about5 1/2 hour stay at the hospital on Monday evening/night. Our little man is well and Shey is well (in terms of the her blood work, not the throwing up part). But we are pretty beat. Just when you hope things would quiet down a bit so that you can hold the craziness together, it seems to have gotten busier.

But during this time, I've been reading some good stuff at school, listening to some great music, and seen some funny things, and had some interesting thoughts on politics, missiology, being a dad, poetry, Harry Potter, and bumper stickers. There is no way that I can even explain all that, but I thought that I'd throw out a couple of things that have been good for the soul as of late, and maybe a snarky comment or two about some missiology stuff.

First off, I finished the series of Harry Potter over spring break. Dang, it was really good. I wanted to hate that series so much, and think it was going to be a waste of time, thoughts, and energy, but it was sooo good. So much better than Chronicles of Narnia, on par with Lord of the Rings, and just a beautiful read overall. Some of the books made me weep over the sense of family, friendship, the intricacies of life and death, love, stubbornness, and community. It made me sad that I lived through the creation of those books and didn't read them as they were coming out...that I didn't get to embrace the excitement and longing for each book. On a completely different side note, but tied in with both Harry Potter and politics, I saw this bumper sticker this week on my way to school and laughed out loud:

While I haven't been writing on the blog, I have been doing a lot of schoolwork, and reading some blogs still. April's last three posts have been some of the best posts I've read in a while, you can find them here, here, and here. The McCarty's have been sharing some great pics from the farm, and have been a delight to read: in a post/letter to Wendell Berry, marriage/parenting, and being a parent and its change in the relationship between spouses. I read a roundtable discussion with Derrida, transcribed by John Caputo with his commentary on the discussion in a book called Deconstruction in a Nutshell that is a really good read, it made me laugh out loud (how often does philosophy do that?) and it was insightful in so many ways, specifically in articulating why people get so upset with postmodernism, and especially deconstruction. I've been reading some W.S. Merwin and have forgotten how good poetry is for the soul.

I have been really interested in the political stuff going down, especially the comments of Obama's pastor, and thought that The Postmodern Negro had one of the most helpful posts in how to approach and have helpful categories with which to talk about the issues. I have a lot I'd like to say, but little time to say it especially after reading James Cone last year which was amazing, so I'll point you to Anthony's post. I will say this however...I grew tired quickly of a bunch of rich white people speaking their mind about the situation like they were experts on either a) black theology or 2) racism. Lest we not forget, my parents (who just turned 50) went to segregated schools in VA that had to be integrated in Northern VA, near DC. Let's not forget the context of words like Pastor Wright whose life story has been informed by racism in ways that we must be careful not to forget.

Lastly, I mean seriously, what is this stuff from Dare 2 Share? I got a little flyer from them today, and one of the stories/testimonies that they share in the flyer to convince you to bring students says: "Before the D2S conference, my daughter was as likely to cough her lung up through her nose and reinsert it through her ear as to evangelize her friends. But the very night she got home from the conference she was simultaneously sharing her faith with four friends (including a Muslim she barely knew from one of her classes) on IM. Because she attended the conference with friends it's now normal for them all to share their faith. 'All my friends are doing it, Dad.' Wow! (italics mine)"

Seriously, this arrogance is what makes me crazy! She assumes, after one small conference, and a good dose of guilt that her story is better than the Muslim student, who she barely knows, and begins a conversation with them to convert them to their story. Where is the humility here? Is this kind of proclamation so easily assumed to be better than sharing life with people and having relationships rooted in reality rather than false conceptions of the "other"? Is anybody else catching the arrogance or humility in this way of "evangelizing?" I'm all for understanding mission and living/sharing good news, but this kind of stuff, especially in youth ministry is frustrating and prideful.

Anyway. sorry for the long post, but i hope folks are well. school ends in about another month. hopefully i will get to post more in the coming weeks...but no promises. much love to all.

getting back on the saddle

Well a new semester of classes is beginning. I've already started a class over at Catholic University in the last few weeks, but as of yesterday, Leland classes are back in session. I'm taking a full load this semester: Hebrew I & II, What is Salvation?, Biblical Exegesis, along with an intensive, Theology and Film, all over at Leland, along with my Hermeneutics and Religion class over at Catholic. It's a full semester, but it looks like I should be graduating on June 14, 2008. I will need to finish up two classes post-graduation or post-end of the semester which is I believe May 15.

It is so hard to believe that I may be finishing up my master's already. I will have finished my degree in only three years at Leland which may be one of the quickest for an M.Div. I have truly enjoyed my time there, and the education and development has been a really beautiful time in my life...hard, and wrenching at times, but beautiful. I've made some great friends there, and am looking forward to another strong semester of learning and growth.

That all being said, starting a new semester is really tough, I usually begin the semester muttering to myself: "There is no possible way that I'm going to be able to get all of this work done." This semester I'm also muttering: "There is no possible way that I'm going to get all of this work done, along with taking the time to enjoy these months with Shey before we have a child, work a full-time job, prepare to be a dad, and be a friend to others....and figure out how we are going to financially make it through Shey no longer working."

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to see our child, to hold her/him (we find out on February 20 the sex of the baby), to be a parent with Shey...but I usually fall into a panic at the beginning of every semester that lasts about a week as I get going, and try to figure out how in the world all of the busy things in my life are going to work. You add the usual stress to the fact that our lives are beginning to go through a large transition (which I know is good, but still is scary sometimes!) and you get quiet Josh, the one who doesn't talk much, is slow to respond to anything, and who can't stand the inconsistencies in his life. How church makes me feel empty a lot, how I want to buy locally and organically, and never shop at Wal-Mart again, but I need a notebook for a class and don't know where else to buy one that isn't being sold by a major corporation in our town, and I want to really embrace the growth in the youth group, and the changes that I'm seeing in the kids, but am scared that I will fail them as a leader and friend.

Shey and I had a really great talk last night and we worked through some of this, and she is so wonderful at helping me have perspective and believe that this will all work out when I just want to sit and read Harry Potter and pretend that my classes don't exist. The funk that usually lasts for over a week is clearing already, though I'm still scared, still overwhelmed a bit, it is nice to be on the same page with Shey in the midst of my spinning head and thoughts. So I'm getting back on the saddle, with some new music, some great stories (thank you J.K. Rowling), and the excitement of a new beginning and new life. We heard the heartbeat again yesterday of the little one inside Shey, and I was thinking this morning of the strong steady sound that we heard, and how that rhythm, that strong and steady rhythm can be a song of hope in the midst of feeling overwhelmed. That I can keep taking steps with that rhythm going on in my heart and in my mind, and find strength for this new day.

hittin' the mid-twenties running

Well, I did go running today, so I guess I actually did hit the mid-twenties running...but honestly, I have felt crazy busy lately, which has made it feel more like trudging through mud. This is a kind of crazy birthday, one where you feel like you are supposed to have come to some grand realization about your life, your direction, your "career," and yet I'm not feeling a lot of those pressures. When I was younger, I always wondered what I'd be doing at 25. I'm not sure what I ever thought I actually would be doing, but I thought it was an age where things would finally star to make sense. In all actuality, I'm just trying to soak everything in around me. I've had to preach a lot lately, which has caused a great deal of introspection, examination, and encouragement as I've tried to share from my life in relation to the scriptures the ways I've been able to see God in our midst. Some friends have shared some encouraging words after the sermons, and it has been great to experiment and try new ways of sharing the story of God in our world and in my life with others.

I don't think that I have it figured out what I'm going to "do" or "be" in terms of a career, but I'm beginning to realize in a deeper way how those things should not define us, but rather be an overflow of our lives and our hearts. Maybe it's just the Egyptian monastics starting to shake me up a bit, or maybe it is a lot of Dr. Toom's quotes of Augustine, but either way, I have to echo the words of the great bishop, in that if our reading of the scriptures do not inform us into living a life of charity, we may be correct on a technicality of understanding the scriptures, but we still do not understand them. (my paraphrase)

on a side note, my great friend has forever raved on and on about how a monkey playing baseball with Joey, or driving an 18-wheeler, is the best thing ever, or would be the best new friend. I however would like to state that i'd rather have a bird like this. monkeys suck, birds rule.

here's to 25.

the goings on

So I preached on Labor Day weekend, and this past weekend I led a seminar for our association on youth ministry titled "Breaking Out of the Entertainment Model of Youth Ministry." If you'd like to download my latest sermon, you can right click here, select "save as" and download the sermon. If you'd like to simply listen to the sermon (I think in Real Player) click here. The sermon was called "Becoming Part of the Story of God" and I preached on the text of Mark 5:21-43.

School is in full swing, and for the most part I am really enjoying my classes. I sort of have these crises events after some nights, where sometimes I am like: "I am doing the right thing training to become a pastor. I love this." Other nights: "What am I thinking. I'm going to drag everyone down to hell right with me..."

I have come to realize that most of the doubts stem from my inability to disconnect what some professors or students believe that the "church" or "preaching" or "the Bible" must be understood as, in relation to new expressions and thoughts of about said subjects, doctrines, or theologies where I might be leaning into. I'm not really sure what I think about in terms of having a "calling" or a specific vocation. Who knows...

The garden is doing well. We have tons of tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, pumpkins, and sunflowers. I ate my first watermelon from the garden and it was delicious. Big thanks to the McCarty's for their sharing of seeds, and help getting started. I have already learned so much this year, it makes me excited to try some new methods and grow some different plants next year...how's everybody else?

Oh yeah, I can't forget that we had our first soccer game this weekend. Tim and I are playing on a new team this year, and we won our first game. Seth, you'd like these dudes and our one female teammate as well, she is really good, because they pass, and they work hard. Tim said he'd score a goal and dedicate it to you. He also said that he'd paint your face on his chest and after he scores, he'll pull the front of his shirt up onto his head and run around acting like he's flying, in his dedication-of-the-goal-to-Seth celebration.

starting again

Well another semester is getting rolling. I'm taking a couple of classes I am really excited about, and a couple that could go either way. The ones that could go either way are "Preaching" and "Baptist Identity and History." Preaching can go either way because I've never had this professor, and am not sure how the class is going to work, so it could be great, or could be a major pain. Baptist Identity and History is going to help distinguish what some of the Baptist distinctives have been over time and history for Baptists. I am excited to learn some of it, but I think that some of the reading will be dry, and I may come out of the class shedding even more of my Baptist skin (which if you know me, you may wonder if I even have any Baptist flesh hanging on).

I am really excited about Historical Theology III which is the third of my historical theology classes, where we will study the European Reformations up through the Enlightenment. It is with one of the best professors I have ever had, Dr. Tarmo Toom. I am also taking another class with Dr. Toom called Mystical Theology: Spiritual Formation in the Early Church. It should be awesome. I'm also taking Theology of the Psalms with Dr. Bill Smith, pastor of a local church near my seminary who did his Ph.D. work on the Psalms, so this should be another great class.

It should be a great semester, but it is always intimidating to look at a fresh batch of syllabuses and wonder how all the work will ever get done. Here's to hoping for the best.

some things i'm thinking about

so is anyone else excited about David Beckham? L.A. Galaxy is playing D.C. United in DC on August 9th...and I'd like to go if anyone else is interested...let's make it happen. I think our little Fauquier County Soccer Club has tickets that we can buy. i hope this helps soccer to take off a little more in the US.

i've got a paper to write due tomorrow and i leave for a trip with the students from my church where i youth pastor on Sunday. anybody want to write my paper for me? i have to write a paper discussing how the humanity of Christ relates to the situation where a husband has made it difficult for his wife to go to church has committed suicide, and then i have to allow my theology about that situation to inform my creation of a funeral service....

lastly, here is a pic from the garden of late. we had some beautiful thunderstorms yesterday and last night. which brought some great and needed rains, however, the wind blew so hard that it knocked over some of my corn, so i spent part of this morning standing them back up properly. we have some bell peppers starting to grow as well as some jalapeños. i've gotten to eat some banana peppers, and the rest of the stuff is flowering and growing well. hopefully the corn will rebound a bit after a rough go of it in the wind yesterday.

summer life

being about halfway through summer, i can't believe how fast the time is flying by, and how much there seems left to do. i have finally gotten into a good routine of reading. i finished The Kite Runner a couple of days ago and started on another novel called Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim's Tale that has been a quick read so far.

Shey had Lasik today, so i'm trying to get some stuff done while she sleeps after the surgery this afternoon. things went well...and over the next few days she should be healing up before we head out on a missions trip to my old hometown of Appomattox, VA on Sunday.

this summer has had a much different feel than summers past. there has been a lot of nagging pressure to "get things done" or to just "succeed" in some manner, whether work or school. i know a big part of it is that the summer just started off rough, with some hard things happening with friends, with my grandfather's death, and some busy-ness with school and family. the summer just hasn't been as settling as i hoped for...maybe after the trip next week things will feel better?

well, enough complaining. i've really been enjoying Wilco's new album Sky Blue Sky (even though some reviews have been kind of hard on the chillness of the album, it is up there in the top three for me of all Wilco albums). Ryan Adam's new album Easy Tiger is great too. And lest you think that I'm not still watching birds, here is a picture from a farm up the street with a bird that I'd venture to say is not quite native to VA:

not since third grade...

Well, not since third grade have i gotten poison ivy. And even then i didn't get it bad...well, after my visit to the doctor today, i learned that as you get older, your body becomes less capable of fighting off attacks compared to the younger years. And thus, I have for the first time become a walking, swollen-legged, puss-ing, poison-ivy getter. Below, you can see the fun...it's kind of gross, just for a heads up!

Sorry for the lack of blogging. These past six weeks have been some of the craziest since Shey and I have been together...and that is saying a lot considering some of the hardships we've been through with family and friends in the last couple of years of marriage, and dating. There has been some hardships with some friends, finals and final papers for seminary, my grandfather passed away, and my mother-in-law broke her ankle on Memorial Day. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal, but Shey's only sister was in a car accident almost seven years ago now, and she requires full-time care. So Shey and I have been trying to wrap up school, recover from the busy-ness of the end of the semester and my grandfather's passing (which there will be some posts to discuss in the future) and now caring for Shey's great family, which means her sister Emily and mom who now is the proud owner of seven screws and a metal plate in her ankle. It's been bananas. But you know, things have a way of working out. It's not easy, and a lot of times it isn't fun, and i certainly don't think "God brings us through this to teach us a lesson" or to "understand the hope of the future in heaven when things will be OK" but rather that when walking with God, we find strength to keep our heads up when they only seem to want to fall, and we find friends and community who will walk through the hardships with us when all we feel is alone. And most of all, we see that God has never left us.

Don't get me wrong, I hope things calm down soon. I hope that I can get my 25-page paper done on time. I hope that Shey or I don't have some sort of grand mental break-down. I hope that Shey's mom heals quickly. I hope my brother's graduation goes well this weekend. I hope this disgusting poison ivy goes away soon. I hope for many things, many things unseen...it's funny, that in getting this poison ivy again for the first time in years (and I grew up in the country where we used to play in poison ivy and not care one bit and I never got it) sometimes I feel like I have come back to some of the same mysterious wonder in my understanding and view of God that enraptured me as a child. I don't always understand how or why this stuff happens, and sometimes I'm pissed about it, but this mystery wraps me up and brings me in even when I want to run away.

On a lighter note, and McCarty's if you're still out there reading...the garden is blooming and alive! (So far of course!) Thanks again for the seeds! I'll post some pics soon of the garden that has been a safe haven of joy for me, and a blessing to share with Shey as we endeavor to live more simply and sustainably. mmmmmm...squash, corn, zuccini, tomatoes, watermelons, cantelopes, and more!

a glimpse of our day

hey folks,

here are some pics from our recent trip to Pinckney Island, a wildlife refuge near Hilton Head Island, SC where Shey and I are taking a little vacation and enjoying our spring breaks from school. As you can expect there are more bird shots than most anything else, but there are a few gators too. sorry for the break from Rollins, i had too many books to bring for school to read at the beach, not to mention books to learn how to garden. but i'll start back up after i get home next weekend. i hope everyone is well, i feel like there is a lot to talk about--a lot of hopes i have for how gardening will bring some whole-life transformation...i love birds more than ever, and i am really enjoying marriage with Shey (vacation with her is just so much fun, and so relaxing).

enjoy the pics...peace.

Pinckney Island