great thoughts from Phyllis Tickle

This is one of the best posts I have read in a long time. What do you think the new question will be? Do you think this is a critical time of change in the church?

hope in suffering

I have been thinking about hope a lot lately, for a lot of reasons, namely that my son Rowan just turned one about a month ago, and that I was recently asked to write a book for students on hope in the near future with a cool publishing house out in Kansas City (more on all this when some of the details get worked out, and it becomes official). But mostly because this past year saw some difficult experiences that have taken a long time for me to spend time sitting in, reflecting on, and let change me. I can't begin to describe the amount of hours that Shey and I have spent in conversation, tears, prayer, silence, and even yelling as the pressure that suffering caused erupted into our lives.

When Rowan was born June 10, 2008, Shey had already been in the hospital for over a week with intense back pain that the doctors had been attributing to Rowan pressing on Shey's sciatic nerve, but actually was the fruition of an infection developed in the bone of her spine which was also causing severe inflammation in the muscles near the infection and dramatic pain. Watching and being with Shey as the pain intensified for over a month prior to Rowan's birth, and especially right before and after his birth...all while the doctors tried to figure out just what was actually happening, were some of the most difficult days of my short life. And then, when Rowan was born with pneumonia and air trapped outside of his lungs causing him to breathe poorly along with being premature and a few other issues, the suffering intensified into new heights. Not to mention that for the first four days of Rowan's life, Shey and Rowan were in different hospitals, literally forcing me to choose between the two of them as they took up residence 1 1/2 hours apart. After three weeks in hospitals, both Shey and Rowan would come home: Shey, barely able to move on her own, with months of slow therapy, and a lot of medicinal treatment to go; Rowan, as good as new, and a toughness to complement his easy-going personality.

There were many other hardships during those three weeks at the hospital, and certainly plenty when we made it back home, but I am not writing tonight to try to spell out all of the suffering or to make anyone have pity for me or our situation at that time. In fact, Shey has known plenty of other suffering with her only sister suffering the traumatic effects of a brain injury suffered in a car accident nearing 10 years ago. I've stood at the bedside of a student with her parents as she breathed a final breath after a battle with brain cancer at only 16. We've got close friends whose newborn has already had multiple heart surgeries, and have been greatly encouraged and impressed with their tenacity, hope, and resilience. All this to say: both Shey and I know that everyone has or will experience suffering in their life. We aren't special, we don't have any claim to fame, or even believe that we handle things like this perfectly.

But I process and reflect through writing. And I have been shying away from writing about this for a long time. Not because I haven't wanted to...but because I wanted to let the experience of last year to sink in. To try to desperately to hear the still, quiet voice of God in the suffering and hardships of the past year. To let the silence fill my heart. To let my silence give room to hear the community of people around me, and to spend my time processing things deeply with the close family and friends who gave ears to listen, and wisdom to share. And I wanted to spend this past year with my new family. Shey and I have been together for a long time now, and there was a lot we wanted to process together, and enjoy together with the new addition to our family. Not to mention, for the last three years, I had been going to seminary full time plus working full time at the church, so I wanted to take a year to slow down, enjoy living out in the country, spend time with Shey and Rowan, and heal up a bit.

I'd like to post some thoughts on hope in suffering, and how I've worked through some of the dark periods of my life, not really for any other reason than that it is time, it is time for me to speak about it out loud to others, so as to name the suffering and reflect upon the hope found in suffering. Not hope because of suffering, not hope caused or brought on by suffering, but hope in suffering. Maybe later I will unpack all that theologically. But not right now.

I was reading over an email recently I sent to two close friends at a pinnacle of the hospital stay, as it was one of those emails that just comes out, like when you have to throw-up whether you want to or not...and I can remember a couple of words from the email, and weeping as I wrote. I wept because I had nothing to give, nothing that I was holding back, and I knew these two guys would be there and had already been there to listen. To hear me. To give ears, hearts, hands, and knees to the pain they both were watching me and my family experience, and go through with us too, as they shared in depths of the darkness with us. And the next morning, when I finally talked to and/or saw those guys, I experienced in a new way why Jesus necessarily had to come to earth. Why Jesus had to be a person, a living breathing, blood-in-the-veins, scraped hands, dirty feet, smelly of a person: namely, because hope is always embodied. Hope takes shape. Hope in some distant place isn't the grandest hope to me, hope found in others helps to give life meaning and possibility when suffering seems to be closing every door. And those two guys in numerous ways embodied hope and made it real, being living light in the stormy clouds of life's grey shadows.

And hope took shape when our families surrounded us, or my parents hopped on a plane the moment I called them for help. Or when moms, friends, kind nurses, or family stayed with Shey or with Rowan when I couldn't be with one of them. Hope embodied is the best hope of all. It is the perfect blend of hope that changes the present and the future. Hope embodied in voices singing to my son when I couldn't hold his hand, hope embodied in friends who helped Shey to laugh when tears had been the only words spoken, or friends who let the silence speak...and simply were present with us in that silence that speaks a thousand words without a sound ever being made. Or kind emails, voicemails, hospital visits, flowers, all signs, markers, reminders of a hope made real. This isn't some pie-in-the-sky hope. This isn't some "well one day things will be better hope." This is hope eternal changing the present reality. This is embodied hope that changed me. That gave hope in suffering, because it was embodied in others, when I couldn't find it in myself, or have the eyes to see it.

Does this mean that there isn't hope for the future, or that embodied hope is the only kind of hope? Surely not. But the embodied hope of today, is a marker, a sign, a cosmos-altering way of being in the world that actually makes a difference. As Jesus says so beautifully in teaching us to pray, "May God's will be done on earth as in heaven," amen. Amen. Hope embodied is hope that can illuminate the darkness of suffering. It doesn't remove the pain of suffering, or make anything easy. But it is real. And it is present.

pluralism and portable faith

There is a great post over on Pomomusings in Adam Walker Cleaveland's series on Pluralism 2.0 that has brought a host of great writers, thinkers, bloggers, theologians and more to discuss what it means to be in a Christian in a time of profound religious interaction and discussion amongst a variety of faith traditions in our country and world. And this post by Brian McLaren helps to ask some of the most important questions that I believe Christians should be asking today. The two paragraphs that I think if most of McLaren's critics read would settle a lot of the bickering, and also I think pointedly address faith in our current context:

"At the end of the day, I know myself to be an evangelist at heart. I believe the good news of Jesus Christ is good news for all people. I am eager to offer the gift of Jesus and his good news to all people, whatever their religion. I am eager to help all people, whatever their religious identity, to “taste and see” how good God is, and to take on Jesus’ yoke so we will experience together his meekness and gentleness of heart. I am not a relativist in the sense of believing that beliefs don’t matter and that all viewpoints are equally valid or invalid.

But my confidence is in Jesus and his gospel - my confidence is not in us and our religious systems or institutions. I don’t think any religion - including my own - “owns” Jesus or has proprietary rights on his gospel of the kingdom of God. The good news taught by and embodied in Jesus is, I am discovering, far better than the half-good/half-bad version many of us were taught."

So tonight the youth are meeting for a mini-retreat called "Creating a Portable Faith." We are keeping with the traditional get a new t-shirt at the retreat deal, but this time it is going to be simple and helpful. It is a simple charcoal colored shirt with a lime-green port-o-potty on the front. Our aim for this retreat is to help the students to develop a portable faith...a faith they can take on the road with them. So we are gathering around 5 practices: Story, Listening to God, Community, Exercise, and Conversation in which we help will begin and build on some tools that they need to have or need to sharpen to help them to explore questions of life, faith, God, relationships, theology, doubt, fear, and all that life throws at them. I couldn't be more excited for my good friend Stephen Gray to join us and lead us on this retreat and through not only the series of five mini-talks, but also through the experiential and applied learning exercises and practices to go with them. It's going to be a fantastic time and I'm really excited to see how this stuff gets fleshed out in student's lives.

You may be wondering why even do anything like this...and the truth is, we are seeing that in most faith traditions and parachurch organizations somewhere between 80-95% of students within one year of graduating high school are not part of any faith community be it church or otherwise. And we hope by giving the students the tools they need to navigate their faith or questions about faith, etc. that we are trusting God to continue to work and speak into their lives while also preparing them to think critically and significantly about the profound beauty and complex mysteries of life.

Tonight Stephen will invite students to hear the story of his life and how that has become included into the story of God's mission and love for the world, and will invite students to reflect on their life story and how that interacts with the story of God. Then after some grub, we will discuss how to listen to God, and talk about prayer as listening and creating space for God to speak...not just for us to speak. Then we will spend the night at some different students' houses and then meet for breakfast to talk about community and the importance of connecting and processing the story of God and the profound beauties and complex mysteries of life in a community. And also how the community is a community on mission that seeks to include others rather than exclude. Then we will talk about how exercise is important as it helps us to physically communicate with others, God, and also effects our self-image which in turn effects how we relate to God and others. Lastly we wil talk about conversation as a value, about the importance of relating and being in conversation with people who think, believe, and act differently than us, believing that by being in converation with others we will be able to hear God speak in new ways.

It is going to be a great and packed 20 hours, but I couldn't be more excited to flesh out and put into practice some of the conversations I've had with folks like Stephen, Tom Lynch, Chris McPeek, Chris Folmsbee, Seth, Todd Cullop, and others. Please pray for us, and I hope to share some reflections on this experience here on the blog and next Sunday, June 7th when I preach next!

performance art

I went to the 9:30 Club last night with a crew of high school students to see The National, a band that Seth introduced me to a couple years ago. If you haven't had a chance to see them play or hear any of their music, chances are you might have heard them last year during the election when Obama's campaign used their song "Fake Empire" for one of his campaign commercials. Hailing from Cincinnati, Ohio, the original 4-man band has expanded to include a wide variety of friends during their recording processes (including none other than Sufjan Stevens, as well as Marla Hansen & Colin Stetson, and numerous others) and many others while on tour, often having a wind ensemble and keyboard/piano/accordian player with them as well.

Last night's show was a powerful cocktail of sad songs, tails of broken relationships, layers upon layers of sound, rising and falling in the story and music, and astounding energy. I was talking with Ben Owsley on the way home about art and the power of live music, when I stumbled upon something that I have forgotten as life has become busy with work, study and new adventures in my career in combination with the joys and upheavals that come in marriage and Rowan, namely: good art can inspire change. Somewhere during "Secret Meeting" and "Baby, We'll Be Fine" I sensed a stirring within my being that I hadn't felt in a while, a sense of something transcendent and yet imminent, hopeful yet doubted, ethereal and yet down deep in my toes. Good art changes the person experiencing it in such a way that we aren't the same person after the experience. Good art, and for me a good live set of music, awakens an often dormant awareness of the world around me, the hope within me, and the power to change the world in which I live for the better.

Last night was one of those experiences when I realized just how important it is to be connected to good performance art, to take the time out for my soul to drink lavishly in the creation, experiences, and insights of another person. Shey has always understood this much better than me, and is so much more sensitive to the importance of fostering spaces for creativity and honest relfection, and recognizes the danger and loss when those spaces shrink or cease to exist. And last night I think I began to understand for the first time in any such way that I could express into words just why I think experiencing performance art is so important.

Because even though so many of the songs are dark twisted stories of doubt, failures, misunderstood relationships, and cultural shortcomings, the music communicated hope in the midst of it all. A hope that believes change is possible, real, and integral. Last night brought about an awareness in me of the importance of regularly experiencing performance art for the good of my whole being. And if you get a chance, check out The National. Alligator and Boxer are two phenomenal albums.

hello world

I think there are a lot of reasons why I don't blog as much as I'd like to. I think the novelty of writing in a format that is often imprecise, immediate, and often unbalanced is sort of nerve-wracking for me has finally worn off. It's really hard for me to let go of things in such a way as to let others see my processing and messiness, not because I think that I should hide or am ashamed of how I am processing life, faith, family, relationships, theology, God, etc....but more because I don't want to write things that are boring and unhelpful and a waste of everyone's time. It's like listening to a new album of music, being excited about a song or two, but overall, finding the majority of the experience boring and lacking creativity or excitement. I'm an album kind of person. If you were to take a look into my iTunes library...you wouldn't find many singles, or individual songs for an artist. I think the one song makes sense within a larger whole, and helps give its parts a stronger and more significant meaning when understood in the right environment. I used to have a rule in fact that I wouldn't listen to a new album until I had time to listen to the whole album all the way straight through. I'd lay on my bed and listen to an album, trying to hear the sounds, the words, and simply let the art wash over me. And sometimes, only a couple of songs would be any good, but I tend to gravitate towards musicians and bands who put together cohesive albums...which often stretch me into new places or new appreciations. But sometimes the things I am thinking about are really boring, or often lacking deep insight for many other people, but are fun for me to think about...e.g. stupid Onion articles, birds, etc.

But I think that I have started to realize that I need writing. I need the imprecise, journal style, unbalanced, messy format of writing and thinking. My brain is becoming overloaded with things I need to think about, and I just need to get it out. Maybe to all of you who are no longer reading because of my inadequate and infrequent postings, I may start writing about more therapeutic things for me (like the thought process behind considering a Ph.D., or teaching a diploma level theology class next semester, or possibly publishing a book about hope for students in a youth ministry line of books), that I will always love feedback about, or would love any thoughts someone else might have to help along the way.

I still hope to have some laughs, stir up the pot, and to keep up the conversations with friends that live far away, or I don't get to see as much, or whose thinking continues to influence and affect me. I'd like to share more random pictures of the garden, of birds, of life...and I will try to use this space to process for me, what is happening in my life, to share with others for sure, but most importantly, so that I keep up the habit of writing, processing, reflecting, and changing into the person that I believe God is inviting me to be.

Review: The Great Emergence

I have been using Phyllis Tickle's prayer guides called the Divine Hours which are broken up into three volumes based on the seasons of the year (Springtime, Summer, Fall & Winter) off and on for the last couple years as manuals, guides, starting points, tethers, and sparks to my spiritual journey with God and others. It has been refreshing to pray scripture, to pray prayers that have been passed down through the hands of church, to have something to come back to when a lot of days I feel like I have nothing to give. And perhaps most importantly, they have helped me to develop a second naivete, a second chance at approaching the sacred texts of scripture informed by my knowledge from seminary (for I certainly cannot forget it or act as though I am unchanged by it) and yet move beyond an expository reading of scripture or prayers, but rather to let the words inhabit me, change me, and trigger my imagination.

But this isn't a review of the prayer manuals, but a review of Tickle's slim but momentous work titled The Great Emergence: How Christianity is Changing and Why released late in 2008. This short work is a broad and introductory overview to the major upheavals Christianity has experienced roughly every 500 years. Tickle of course recognizes that there is about a hundred and fifty years of turmoil and boiling leading up to the time when Christianity erupts into something new and different, which takes another 150 years to be worked out, followed by years of relative stability, new authority, and change, until the authorities and structures are questioned and the collective story of Christianity undergoes another great change. For a brief insight think: 500 A.D. Gregory the Great and Monastics perpetuate the faith despite the fall of the Roman Empire, 1054 A.D. The Great Schism the mutual excommunication of the Roman Church and the Eastern Church of one another, 1517 A.D. The Great Reformation, and now in 2009 we find ourselves in the midst of The Great Emergence.

One of the reasons I went to The John Leland Center for Theological Studies is that they teach the important doctrines of the church in a special way, they teach them rooted in a historical context. They don't offer systematic theology classes, but rather the subjects or doctrines of systematic theology in a historical and contextual setting. It makes it more difficult, or at least makes one slow up before calling someone else a heretic, when we see that most folks throughout the history of the church who fell onto the wrong side of where the church believes actually was not trying to do something evil or wrong, or even lead the church or world astray, but rather were trying to make sense of the impenetrable mysteries of God and the world in such a way that would be helpful to others.

So I like this book a lot because it helps to put the major changes in the structure, authority, and life of the church into a historical context, making it more difficult to make a villain out of one group or one particular way of thinking. It is clear though, that in these times of great upheavals, the old guard is going to be strong, hoping to preserve the remnant of their authority and power, in such a way as to advocate the status quo, and remain traditionalists to the their core. Which is great, those folks will help to anchor the story through their long line of tradition, theology, and questions, while those in the center will be partaking in the upheaval while in communication with those in the corners preserving their current position.

Tickle's book is a thoughtful and needed historical perspective on the current state of Christianity that is accessible to readers of various backgrounds. Her state of the union for Christianity is extremely helpful in finding one's bearings amongst the great sea of change, and helps to ask some of the most important questions of our time, namely, 'Where now is the authority?' Her explorations of where the authority resided in previous time periods is examined most fully for the time period of The Great Emergence, where uncertainty, the Holy Spirit, and experience have come into the forefront of discussion and provide for illuminating insights into the current scientific, theological, historical, and philosophical landscapes.

If you are in for a brief, hair-blowing, monumental work written by my guess a late 70 year-old woman, then this is the book for you. I don't think you'll be disappointed, and you just might learn some things about yourself and figure out that you have some decisions about where you'll fit in to this whole "Great Emergence" thing. If anyone hears that Tickle is looking to have some surrogate grandchildren, let me know, I'd love to hear more of the stories and insights she has about the future of Christianity sitting around the dinner table some time.

Review: The Fidelity of Betrayal

I like Peter Rollins' work a lot as many of you might have guessed, even while I don't agree with everything, I find his books extremely helpful. So I thought I'd review Peter Rollins' book The Fidelity of Betrayal: Towards a Church Beyond Belief. A couple of months ago I had the opportunity to hear Rollins speak at a lecture series from my seminary, and it was a fascinating and great experience to hear Rollins come alive as he sparked imaginations, told stories, and laughed a lot...the way philosophy should be discussed in my opinion. He was humble, generous, and thoughtful in the way he engaged with responses from the crowd and faculty. It was great to have a couple of minutes to talk with him after his lecture, and while he rocked the boat a little bit, I don't think that he did it with a spirit of arrogance or attack.

Anyways, I read his latest book that was out at the time (he had a new book The Orthodox Heretic come out about a week ago) The Fidelity of Betrayal and found it to be a helpful read, especially in his discussion of reading the Bible with a second naivete (HT: Paul Ricoeur), which is an informed reading of the text, that is devotional and transformational in its aims, informed of course by the knowledge and previous experience one brings to the text yet with a second naivete that inspires new readings and understandings.

I also appreciated his discussion of the mystery of God brought near in Jesus. Rollins writes, "The mystery of God is not dissipated in Christ but brought near. Is this not the key to understanding the idea of transcendence within Christianity, a term that describes a way of breaking the here/elsewhere dichotomy of near and far through the idea of an immanence so deep and impenetrable that it cannot be approached? The myster of God now dwells among us rather than standing above us (pp. 53-54)." The point Rollins was making in describing the Incarnation was a bigger point in his discussion of truth, the biblical text, and the Word of God, namely that we will never be able to learn everything there is to learn or understand all that there is to understand about Jesus, the Bible, God, the mystery of God, theology, etc. not because God is unknowable, but because God's immanence ruptures into time and space, into real history in such a way that it shatters the ability to speak in any way about God, or an interpretation of the text that is final or the last word.

So the larger picture is that the church must be willing to deny its own beliefs in order to faithfully follow God. It must resist the tempation to name God in some final or all-encompassing manner. Rollins' writes further, "the deep truth of Christianity is not found in the acceptance of some particular historical claim. Rather, it refers to a happening testified to within the Bible that cannot be reduced to words, confined in concepts, or divulged by definitions (113)."

I enjoyed this book a lot, not as much as his first book, How (Not) to Speak of God which is in my top 10 of all time books at this point in my short life, but still worth a read if you are interested in postmodern theology and philosophy. Here's a pic from the evening when I heard him speak...a great night to hear someone whose work has meant a lot to me over the last couple of years.

Malcolm preaches at Cornerstone

So apparently i can now text my blog and post to it. Pretty cool. Enjoy a pic of Ro. I had a pretty great day today, Malcolm Goodspeed preached at our church today, who was a professsor at Leland, who reached out to me as I was a new pastor. Malcolm is a retired minister from England with one of the most generous and humble spirits that I know of. It was great to catch up with him this week and for Shey and Rowan to be able to meet Malcolm and his wife Ann. He preached on prayer out of weakness and pain. And it was one of the best sermons that i have heard on Romans 8 ever. God joins us in our weakness, our mundane, our routines, our suffering and cries out with us in groans for which words simply do not suffice. I have been thinking a lot about the difficulties of last summer for Rowan and Shey as Rowan is nearly a year old in one more month. And Malcolm's sermon reminded me of the
presence of God I felt from friends, and the cries that lept out of me as I layed crumpled before God.

the onion = amazing

I still have a regular old-school Nintendo that I bust out from time to time with the students from church, and while our original Nintendo is no more, towards the end of the reign of the first Nintendo after our first one busted, we bought the modified, space-saver edition. Anyway, I lived in a house which we called "Spreadgun" after the best gun in the first Contra game. We thought it was awesome, we made t-shirts with the blazing C from the Contra emblem made into an S with the word Spreadgun on the front. On the back of the shirt we had the code for 30 Lives (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, Start, or Select, Start for 2 Player). We thought we were so creative. Anyway, now that my dorkiness is all out in public. I couldn't help but crack up at this: Man Finally Unpauses 'Super Mario Bros.' After 18 Years of Chores. I can totally remember pausing the game for chores, sleep, or because I wasn't supposed to be playing and didn't want to lose the game (I mean, there was no saving games at that time.)

I didn't watch the dunk contest this year for the NBA, but I heard a lot about it, and this article made me laugh out loud: Nate Robinson Jumping Over Dwight Howard In Every Day Life.

And lastly, I thought Seth and Tim would like this t-shirt.

can't wait

I'm going to see The National in May, with a couple of high school folks, including the one and only Ben Owsley. It should be a lot of fun. Actually, it is going to be way more than fun, it might be one of the best concerts since I saw Sufjan a couple years back. I can't wait.

On a completely different note, but still something I am really looking forward to, one of my favorite philosophers/theologians is speaking as a part of The Leland Distinguished Speakers Series (previously N.T Wright) on Thursday night. His name is Peter Rollins. He's talking about his most recent book The Fidelity of Betrayal: Towards a Church Beyond Belief, and the tour is called Lessons in Evandelism. It will be a provocative, fun, and thoughtful evening. Starts at 7:30 up in Arlington. If anyone is interested in coming with me, just let me know.

life outside the church and fundamentalism

There are two posts from two of my favorite writers, thinkers, theologians and philosophers that I thought were important to point out.

First is part two of Brian Walsh's ongoing discussion how folks who are thinking in some progressive categories are frustrated with those who are "not getting it." In this post, he talks a lot about ways that the kingdom of God is being created outside of the walls of churches (and I'm not talking about buildings here). The hope is for an inspired and liberated imagination in contrast to an imperial imagination. Good stuff.

Second is a post from Peter Rollins. Rollins is one of my favorite current philosophers who is helping to explode the current paradigms of theology, philosophy, and the idolatry of conceptions of God. This post is titled: Fundamentalism isn't too violent, it isn't violent enough. Rollins points out that Dr. King and Mother Theresa are the true models of violence through pacifism ( I know, sounds crazy), by their willingness to follow to his most radical form of violence, that of pacifist subversion. Again good stuff.

If you like Rollins and live in the DC area, or simply want to be a part of a great conversationon February 26, 2009, he will be lecturing for the evening at Memorial Baptist Church in Arlington, VA as part of a distinguished speaker series for The John Leland Center for Theological Studies where I received my M.Div. The event is free, and from Leland they write:

The Leland Distinguished Speakers Series will present "Lessons in Evandelism: The Fidelity of Betrayal," a lecture by Peter Rollins on Thursday, on February 26, at 7:00 p.m. hosted by Memorial Baptist Church in Arlington.

Through a mix of parables, philosophy and discussion, Rollins will explore the current religious landscape of contemporary expressions of faith that claim to rethink Christianity for a new cultural epoch. He contends that what is needed are groups who offer a new way of thinking that not only challenges the way we express our faith but fundamentally ruptures the way we understand it. He will argue that these pockets of resistance represent a growing, organic movement that are proclaiming the death of God, church and religion as we know them in prepraration for their resurrection in a radically different form.

The author of How (Not) to Speak of God, The Fidelity of Betrayal, and an upcoming book of parables entitled, The Orthodox Heretic, Rollins is also the founder of ikon, a non-doctrinal, pub-based community in Ireland that offers a cocktail of live music, visual imagery, soundscapes, theater, ritual and reflection in its exploration of contemporary faith and life. Rollins holds a Ph.D. in Post-Structural Theory from Queens University of Belfast and has taught various aspects of continental philosophy, phenomenology and emerging church theology at such venues as Cambridge University, Princeton Theological Seminary and Yale Theological Seminary.

If you are interested in attending, let me know we can carpool.

on writing, empire, and hope for the future

It is most easy for me to spend time reading, thinking, and talking about the possibilities of the future rather than to live in the present in such a way that the future becomes a reality in my own life. Dreams of a Ph.D. Dreams of pastoring in an experimental community. Consuming less, conserving more. Living in greater honesty with friends and colleagues. Loving Shey better. Being a better dad. All of these things and more are always mulling around in my mind, sometimes shaking up inside of me until the already of my present life explodes and irrupts into the present, bringing about more creative and thoughtful action. But other times, those dreams, hopes, and ideas simply corrode my insides, and bubble inside my brain until it feels like my insides are melting, and the future of which I hope to live into and see lived out, is but a folklore and mythological story faintly heard on the distant horizon.

I think oftentimes it is because I want to blame others for my shortcomings, blame others for the incaction that leads to my consumption, and blame others for their unwillingness to live as I want them to live. While writing, and writing on a regular basis helps me to process, think, and reflect on my life and the world around me in such a way that it give hope and meaning to my experiences, it can also create a tension of the already but not yet of my life: the already of changes in the last few years into the theological, practical, and experiential person that I am today. The not yet, of the possibilities and changes that the coming years still hold ahead.

I was reading a post from one of my new favorite blogs called Empire Remixed, which is a collaboration of authors, writers, and bloggers examining what it means to be a people of the kingdom of God in an age of consumerism, national religion, and postmodernism, that struck a chord within me. One of my favorite books that has humbled me to no end is Colossians Remixed: Subverting the Empire by Brian Walsh and Sylvia Keesmaat (they are husband and wife), which explores kingdom living inthe context of the age described above. One of the top 10 books of my short life so far.

Brian Walsh wrote in a post yesterday titled On "Not Getting It" and the Virtue of Humility that it is important to approach those who we feel like "don't get it" with humility first and foremost. It is so easy to create an us vs. them scenario where one side is all right, and the other side all wrong. But life is so much more complicated than this, and to speak of people and situations with the same predjudice that we are actually decrying, can itself become a huge problem in moving forward with radical reconciliation and hope.

So this morning, when the future seems to be looming in on my life in such a way that I want to run, or blame others for the shortcomings I see, or at the very least hide from my insecurities, I want to show some humility, and realize that like others, I too am in process, in need of some humility in the way that I view myself and others. The change that friends and I have talked about does not usually happen overnight, but on those days when the already of my life breaks into the hopeful future of God's kingdom, I want to be ready, open, and have eyes to see the good and hope that exists in the present, and have humility in looking forward.

Can I get an Amen?

Quite a good idea to me, you know the whole praying thing.

(HT: Internet Monk)

excited

So I am sitting in the office waiting for someone to arrive at the church office to replace the broken windshield on the church van, watching cnn.com live. So much has happened and changed for my family in this past year, that it has been hard to slow down and process the amount of good and also difficult things that have taken place. But sitting here this morning, in the quiet office, listening to the radio and watching things online, seeing the excitement of people on the mall, or hearing the stories of folks traveling hundreds or thousands of miles to be at the inauguration has been powerful for me. I heard a story on NPR this morning of an African-American woman who is 105 years old, who has seen so much change, experienced so much discrimination, and who would stop at nothing to make her way to DC with the help of some folks to witness with her own eyes, an event that she never thought she would live to see. And on one hand I am struck by the enormity of this situation, of the significance of an event today that perhaps stretches beyond words, and exemplifies a tide of change and restored hope in the power of goodness, kindness and service towards others. But on the other hand, I am amazed at the simplicity and innate importance of relationships and life stories. To even stop for a second this morning and reflect on the life experiences that this woman had in her 105 years of life, and how those experiences have shaped her and formed her into the person she is today, is humbling and simply inspiring.

Recently, as my son Rowan is starting to watch the movements of his mom and I more closely, and interact in ways that try to elicit a response from us, I realize that Rowan will be growing up in a world that is different than mine. One in which race, sexuality, religion, and hyper-connectivity will be or will continue to be issues to be worked out in the global village...but I have some newfound hope for him today. That perhaps differences can actually be overcome. That perhaps race will not divide us as it once has in this country. That the world and life experiences which form him, will not be steeped in as much ignorance as the generations before him. A world in which the relationships and life stories of the women, children, and men whose lives were often ignored or cast aside as the losers of history, or purposely forgotten for the sake of progress, that these life stories will rise to the surface and help remind us all of our shared humanity and need for humility.

I know that Rowan is not aware of what is happening on an intellectual level today, but I am excited for him, and I hope that he can feel the excitement and hope in his mom and I today as we rejoice over this moment of history. And I look forward to Rowan growing up in light of the hopeful change that is taking place today at the inauguration of our new president. May the grace of God be with Obama and his family, and may we each do our part, not to make America great, but to unite in our shared humanity, to celebrate both the beauty and significance of this day, while also do our best to listen to the stories of those who had once been discriminated, left out, and ignored so that we may not repeat the mistakes of the past or leave untold the stories of those who are most easily forgotten.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

a new day

Well, honestly, I feel like I am getting hours back of my days to read other things besides politics stuff. By no means is the hard work and change already set in stone for Obama, and his presidency is one that I am both looking forward to and anxious to see in action, but right now, it is just nice to slow down from all the drama of the last couple of weeks of debates, discussions, blogs, newspapers, etc. and enjoy the victory. In case you were wondering I did vote for Obama, and while there are certain issues that I disagreed with him on, and hope he will produce some lasting change (perhaps a discussion of another post), I had no false hopes in believing that either candidate would be capable of doing all they promised, nor am I stacking my chips in the governements corner. But that probably has more to do with my ecclesiology than anything else.

I am looking forward to Rowan growing up in this new day however. It is really important to me that Rowan got to be there when his mother and father helped to elect the first African-American president. It is important to me that Rowan is going to live in a country capable of electing a president of a darker hue. It was powerful for me to sit with Rowan last night and tell him a story of this historic election. It was amazing to pray with Rowan for our first African-American president, that God would be with him and his family. I honestly didn't think that I would see this happen in my lifetime...but I couldn't be happier, especially in terms of Rowan never having to wonder "Is it possible?" That new day is here.

I thought McCain's concession speech was the best one I've seen from him. It seemed genuine, heartfelt, and I think that if he had spoken with that kind of tone throughout his campaign, he might of had a better chance of winning. I sincerely hope that he and Obama will be able to work together for some lasting change in the near future.

On a completely different note...I'm in the ordination process. I submitted my paper yesterday, and meet for my ordination council next Wednesday, and the service is set for Dec. 7 during our normal worship gathering (pending a positive recommendation from the council of course!). It's kind of crazy to be here at this place in my life. There are some good folks on my ordination council so hopefully it will be a great time. Of course it makes me a little nervous, but I'm thinking that they won't try to make things too controversial, so let's hope that things go smoothly!

hoping to avoid disappointment and disillusionment

Sometimes being interested at all in politics feels like a large and overwhelming process of simply hoping to avoid disappointment and disillusionment. A large part of me thinks that voting and a lot of the political process and governmental machine is an impractical and unrealistic vehicle in which to place hope and trust for real change. This is not to say that I don't think that at times our government or other governments have practiced elements of justice and goodness in our world, but in the spirit of many of the prophets of old, and in the spirit of many of the new, it is really hard to justify spending so much time reading, watching, and thinking about structures of power that seem to be spinning its wheels in mud that just ends up leaving the car stuck, and the people trying to push the car out from behind dirty and covered in mud.

I've given a lot of serious consideration to not voting this election. Maybe it just isn't worth it. Maybe I just need to spend time living the changes I hope to see and stop reading things that just make me mad or disappointed. Maybe voting is participating in a structure that ultimately goes against what I think are the hopes and dreams of God for our world. Is voting actually making me complicit with the "powers that be" in a way that I am to be held responsible for its crimes or failures that perpetuate violence, socio-economic injustice, racist tendencies, or exploitation in the name of freedom and democracy?

But this post, by Anthony Smith (Musings of a Postmodern Negro), struck a cord in my heart about a month and a half ago. It's a perspective that I haven't been able to shake. I think that it helps to articulate for me a sense of appropriated participation in government. Anthony helps me to reconcile some of my issues of participation in government because he points out a couple of important issues (not that these are all clear from his post, but hit on some things I have been thinking about):

1) Not voting is only a viable choice of a privileged people who have not known what it is like to not have the right to vote
2) Participation in government, especially in terms of voting can provide a change in leadership that certainly matters and will imply different policies, practices, and actions.
3) A lesser evil is still a lesser evil, and since my deepest hope is in another King and Kingdom, as long as I recognize the powers that be for who and what they are in contrast to this alternative way of living, participation in the governmental structures are still really important.
4) It is really important to remember the sin and inequality of the past and to work hard to discern how that impacts the present and will continue to inform the future if change is not sought in the here and now.

So, I am going to be voting this election. I am going to vote, because it is my responsibility as a follower of Jesus to do my best to hear the voice of the marginalized and voice-less in our country and abroad, i.e. the voice of my neighbors, and do my best to vote for the person and administration that will enact more of the practices that make equal the playing field economically, live out justice, break down walls of racial discrimination, are less violent, and more helpful to all people, not just the ones who typically benefit from the system. Voting to look out only for me and my pocket book and my own moral choices cannot be the only viable option (or perhaps a viable option at all in many circumstances?).

But I am voting not as one who is placing all my chips on the government to be the best hope for the world. I have no false conceptions that our government (or any government for that matter) is capable of fulfilling the hopes and dreams of God for our world in a finalized or fully realized manner. While governments may participate and play a role in justice being lived out, the kingdom of God and governments are not synonymous, and it is when they become synonymous that as Christians we must speak up and offer another voice because a lot of things have been done in the name of God and country that certainly cannot be of God. So I am going to be voting this year. And I will keep paying attention, but I will place my hope in a kingdom that is for the here and now, but is not controlled by one government, one political party, or perpetuated through violence. So here is to hoping to avoid disappointment and disillusionment by participating in the political process with an ear open to the truth-tellers of our generation.

really? i mean seriously...

Republicans advocating Waterboarding Obama?

GOP women put Obama's face on mock food stamp currency.

The articles say enough. Shey's quote about Republicans seems to be true, that McCain was banking on many Americans being more racist than sexist. Sad stuff.

100th post and a revelation/question

So 100 posts. Took me way too long to get here. Writing is something that I love doing, but in the craziness of life with a child, or life in seminary, or life as a youthworker, it seems like the days just go by too quickly and I'm not slowing down to process and reflect and write. I am a much better person when I write often. It helps me to see the good in others and the world around me. It helps me to process the changing light as it hits the trees outside my windows as the seasons move from summer to fall. Writing at once both helps me to find my voice and also doubt it and challenge it into new places. I am working on creating a new rhythm or rule of life right now, and I'd like blogging to be a part of it, because I know that writing is good for my soul and good for my awareness of the world. But I won't sit here and make some vain promise to blog twice a week for the next year or anything, and I don't want the blog to become a chore. But I would like to be more disciplined in my writing practices...and well, I've sucked at it as of late. It's been way easier on the family blog to put up cute pictures and videos of our little boy...but spend less time reflecting on the changes it has brought.

So this is post 100...and at the beach I had a revelation/question. My revelation: outside showers are better than inside showers. period. they just are. my question is, why don't houses in the country have outside showers? why limit the amazingness to the beach? shey tells me it's because they are practical at the beach where you need to wash the sand off before coming inside...and i say boo to that. i want a country house where i can stand outside, take a shower and see the stars above. if we ever own a house in the country or at least where the neighbors couldn't see us all the time...first thing to be added: outside shower. done and done.

one last thing: we went to the beach last week (which was amazing and quite needed rest) and how did the leaves start changing so quickly? nothing seemed to be changing when we left last monday, and then boom, we are home on saturday and the leaves are turning quick. has the leaves changing snuck up on anyone else?

another sad day to be a white christian

I mean seriously? (HT: Brian McLaren) Torture and evangelicals, not a good combination...and white evangelicals at that. Uh.

So I alluded to this quote in a comment in my previous post, but in Shey and I talking about politics, specifically McCain's decision to pick Palin as his running mate, Shey made a brilliant yet extremely sad point about why she thought Palin was chosen, basically Shey said: "McCain chose Palin because he was banking on voters being more racist than sexist in this election." I might add to this statement, white evangelical voters. So while I think a lot of conservative, women-can't-be-leaders evangelicals are in some sort of conundrum with Palin possibly being the #2 of the U.S. gov't, I couldn't agree with Shey more about the racist tendencies in the U.S. political arena. It is interesting that we have heard a lot about Obama's relationship to Jeremiah Wright and Wright's liberation theology and questions about racist tendencies in government and history in the U.S....but we aren't hearing nearly as much about Palin's church and their interesting record of political perspectives, not to mention some interesting theology. Greg over at the parish highlights some of the problems evangelicals might/should have with Palin's supposed family values and christian perspectives.

I have to remind the students I work with that my own parents (who are right now 52 and 51) both lived and experienced the integration of schools while in high school. That Virginia, the state I live in, was one of the worst in the formal integration of schools, as massive resistance took place in many counties around the state, some lasting years before integration was allowed. And we need not look hard at current events to see how race continues to be an important underlying issue around our country.

Again, I don't have any false hopes the Obama and Biden duo are Jesus come again, or that they are going to actually accomplish all the change they talk about...not because I think that they are bad people (nor do I think McCain and Palin are "bad") but I am really struggling with some of the perspectives on war, terrorism, healthcare, the military-industrial complex, crossing of theology/political ideology, posturing, racist tendencies, and poverty issues amongst other issues, and I honestly was scared after watching Guliani the other night, and after seeing a painting on the door to the republican headquarters on Main Street in Warrenton where Palin is decked out in furs, looking happy while holding a huge gun...I just am kind of sad with the rhetoric/tone of Republicans right now. And sometimes, I'm just ashamed of being white with the tone of people (like the first link to the recent perspectives on torture) or the ignorance of white folks in their willingness to dismiss the significance of a little ol' African-American community organizer making a difference in such a way that he might become president of the U.S. i have another post on race and voting in the works...but got to get some more work done. until then...hope folks are well.

a little vomit in my mouth

Let me say first and foremost that I am not a Republican nor a Democrat. I have voted for both parties in different elections, except for president, which unfortunately I can say I voted for Bush W. both times that I have been old enough to vote. To all who thought they knew me, I'm sorry. Feel free to stone me, or laugh, or pat me on the back if need be. I've begun over the last 5 years listening to my little conscience (or Spirit?) that has helped me to see the world in some very different ways...theologically, philosophically, politically, etc. i did struggle with whether or not to vote for bush w. on round two, but ultimately voted for who i thought at the time was the lesser of two evils. This is an interesting election on many levels, but mostly I've grimaced and become disheartened over the political process in general, and wanted to join my Anabaptist brothers and sisters on most days while watching the conventions.

That being said, I don't think either of the presidential candidates and their running mates are spawns of satan. but honestly, i don't think that i have seen as many disgruntled, angry white people in one room together as i have tonight watching the former mayor of NYC Rudy Guliani's speech tonight at the republican national convention. i mean seriously. they made fun of obama being a community organizer...they literally stopped and laughed at him. it sure is something to laugh at, you know, a young black guy trying to make a difference in his neighborhood and city. they showed the faces of young white men my age who scowled with what seemed like hatred in response to Guliani's cadences. where does the anger come from? honestly, i felt like i had a little vomit in my mouth each time Guliani smiled and used terms like "energy exploration" to describe the continued vain dependence on oil through drilling in alaska and wildlife areas rather than "exploring" renewable energy. or take when Guliani emphasized McCain's willingness to go to the ends of the earth to eradicate any enemy of the US with military power, and then pointing to Palin's religion as a sign of God's affiliation with the republican party.

now i will be honest, i didn't watch all of the DNC and i haven't watched all of the RNC. i saw plenty of crap come through the DNC (which up to this point i have watched more of the DNC than the RNC), and i have been watching the RNC mostly b/c i want to try my best to hear from both sides. so, i'm not going to act like this is a balanced perspective...this is simply my reaction as i watched the RNC tonight, and i will finish watching palin's speech tomorrow (shey wanted to go to sleep so i will finish watching it tomorrow), and so far I didn't hate what she had to say for the first like 2 minutes (after the long applause introduction).

but the RNC seemed venemous. i felt dirty watching it, and while i didn't feel good watching the DNC, i didn't feel like i need to take a shower, or feel my chest tighten and cheeks become red as i did tonight watching the political drama of the RNC. there are a couple political posts brewing in my mind and have been for some time now that i'd like to work on in the coming days. i think i might tackle my views on a couple of issues and then maybe point to some others who i think are offering some interesting perspectives currently.

anybody else have some thoughts on the conventions thus far? who are you thinking about voting for...why? and please, let's be civil if any comments do come up....much love.