traveling mercies

I finished my first book since school got out about a week and a half ago. I read Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith. The book made me laugh out loud, and it was a great book to pick up in the post-semester haze that makes reading anything hard for a bit. Lamott's stories moved and created space for deeper thought, reflection, and insight into one's own life in a memoirish type manner, but without the typical evangelical language and coziness of a more reformed framework of Blue Like Jazz. The short stories that make up Traveling Mercies both worked together, yet had enough differences to not become redundant. And it was funny, really funny at times, like I'd laugh out loud on the plane, or in the doctor's office, or just sitting on the couch (or sometimes toilet). I loved it, and it was just the right book for the holidays. One of my favorite things about the book was the interspersed poetry, whether by Lamott, or most-often quoted from others.

I was also reading over on the McCarty's blog, and saw the most recent poetry post by Kristen with funny picture to boot, and I thought that this would be as good a time as ever to ask for some recommendations on some of your favorite poets or books of poetry. I try to keep a book of poetry open throughout the semester, but would love to make some new poet friends through their work. Any recommendations? I'd love to hear who you are reading, or who you think I should read...

preview of my favorite tunes of 2007

Hello friends. I hope you have had a great Christmas...before I share my favorite albums of 2007, I'll give you a link to a good list, of which I thought had a good deal of great albums. In fact, one of my comments on one of my favorite albums of the year made the review list, check out this link, and look for The New Pornographers album titled Challengers, where my comment made the cut list for eMusic.

Big thanks to my folks for getting this album for my birthday. For those wondering who The New Pornographers are, I believe the story of their name came from a famous preacher who said that 'rock and roll is the new pornography' and thus informed their decision in creating a band name. Great stuff, not my favorite album of the year, but really, really good.

soccer and life

The last couple of weeks have been rather busy, wrapping up papers, finals (got to turn the last one in tomorrow) and the start of a new soccer season. This is my first season playing indoor in a long time, and it is a lot of fun except that the game times are on a college schedule. We played at 10:00 p.m. tonight, and our game was at 8 and 9 p.m. the two weeks before that. It is a lot of fun, pretty intense compared to outdoor, but all around a good time.


The youth and I have been working through the season of Advent together, and it has been a good time. We are going to have a worship gathering this Sunday that should be wonderful, and we are joining in the Advent Conspiracy, and will be taking up an offering together to share our resources with Heifer International. I'm proud of the kids for wrestling with what this Christmas season is all about, and what it means to them. It's late, but I hadn't posted in a while, mostly out of being spent. I hope all are well...

new connections with Catholicism (pt. 2)

Last week, right before the Harp 46 show, I had an opportunity to go to the mass for a friend Marc Gherardi who was taking his perpetual vows to become a full member of his community of monks, which is the order of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales. My good friend Ben went with me (as seen previously in the night zombie pics from this summer) and we had a great time at both the mass and the Harp 46 show. I don't know if you've ever had an opportunity to experience a mass where someone takes their vows, but it was beautiful.

During the mass, at one point there was a time where Marc laid prostrate before his community and God, while we sang and prayed for him as he humbled himself before all so as to demonstrate and embody humility and hope in the grace that he believes God will provide to help him live a life of service. It was quite moving. I was thinking about all the other times that I'd seen protestant leaders demonstrate that kind of radical humility, by laying face down on the floor in the middle of the gathered community, humbly demonstrating their dependence on God and the help of the community. It was a quick thought, because I'd never seen it happen with a protestant leader...and probably never will. Can you imagine the ordination of a pastor in a Baptist church which includes the candidate laying face down on the floor while the community prays and sings out their support and hopes for them?

Along with following a lectionary, it's amazing how serious Catholics take the Bible, and how often they read it, quote it, and share it throughout the service, especially in the language of the liturgy. It was a wonderful evening, and for the first time, along with getting to catch up with some of the other Oblates I know, the service was held in a cloistered convent, which is also something you don't get to experience everyday. The Sisters of the Visitation of Tyringham hosted the mass at their monastery. They were very kind, and I was reading up on them a little bit while I was there, and also online, and for those who wonder what cloistered nuns could possibly be about in a hyper-connected world, this is from their website:

The Visitation Sisters of Tyringham are cloistered, contemplative religious whose lives are dedicated to prayer and to living in community. In great simplicity we strive to be a gentle presence in a world threatened with terrorism and war. Our Salesian spirituality teaches us to be gentle towards ourselves, with each other, and with all persons with whom we come in contact.

A gentle presence in a world threatened with terrorism and war...sounds like they aren't as disconnected as one might think, and that they are doing their part in joining with God for the redemption of the world.

Overall, it was a beautiful evening, and a great time to experience the body of Christ in new ways, and support a new friend taking an important step in his vocation.

new connections with Catholicism (pt. 1)

So last week, along with going to the Harp 46 concert, I had some new interactions with Catholicism, that were both humbling and profound. The first is that I met with Father Louis Fiorelli last week as an introduction to spiritual direction. We met in his office, and he asked many questions about my background, my story, my life and allowed me the opportunity to pray with him. We talked a little bit about how he was certainly interested in meeting together with this 25-year old Baptist youth pastor who is interested in spiritual direction. I think he was even more surprised when we talked about how I was trying to keep the hours, practice silence, and embrace some of the ancient disciplines. I told him that I don't even know what to do with myself, and so if he didn't know what to do with me or didn't feel comfortable meeting, I totally could understand, and he didn't seem phased...in fact, I think that we got along quite well, and that this could be a powerful experience.

One of the things that he talked about that we would probably try to work on, was something that had begun to rise up in my own prayer life, and in my own practices of some of the different disciplines, that is: that I would not only experience and enjoy the sense of excitement and newness that comes in embracing the ancient disciplines, but that i would begin to understand the discipline part...that I would begin to set down roots in the practices, and learn to walk in them especially when the newness wears off, and the sense of excitement dwindles. It was beautiful to talk about and to begin to wrestle with. It is very humbling to begin to realize how little I know, how little I've actually practiced these disciplines (on the larger scale) and how much of a challenge it will be to actually follow through.

This actually kind of freaked me out the next two days after we met. I found that I wanted to abandon all of the practices. I wanted to call Father Fiorelli back and let me know that I didn't "feel like this was what I needed." I was so scared of being exposed for the fraud that I know that I am. I was scared to let someone else see into the lapses, breaks, and lack of discipline that is my life. I was humbled to let someone else in (besides some of my close friends) that is trained to help me reflect and take steps for change in my relationship with God and others. And I kind of got angry about it. I was angry with myself for my pride, and angry with Father Fiorelli for saying yes. But after the initial shock to my system...this sense of peace has begun to set in. For all of the things that I'm scared to wrestle with (and its not like there is some deep dark secret I have to let go of or share), I realized that I like control, and I am prideful about keeping things together and I didn't want some of the excitement to end. And it probably won't for a while, but I really hope that this helps me to become rooted like a tree near a fresh stream, that slowly grows and finds strength and over time has deep roots stretching towards the living water. Yet at the same time, I know this won't happen overnight, and that I have a long ways to go...here's to giving it a try.

partying with Harp 46

Tonight my friend Ben and I attended the cd release party of Harp 46's new album Sanctuarium over at Convergence. It was a great show, and a fun night to catch up with friends and hear beautiful music. How often do you get to hear a harp, bass, and percussion section play music that moves your soul? Also, the addition of Amanda Lee to the group is a wonderful and creative addition to the group of amazingly talented musicians. It has been fun to get to know the band over the last couple of years, and I'm really excited about this new album. They played a couple of songs off of the new album tonight, and they were awesome. If you are interested in the new album, check it out, it's only $15, and you'll get some amazing independent music. If you have a chance to hear them live, don't miss it...it will be a concert that you'll never forget. And better yet, if you get a chance to hang out with April (also here), Nuc, Posido, or Amanda and hear their music, don't pass it up, they are great people playing awesome music.

Think about picking up their new album as a Christmas present! You can buy it here.

Also at the show tonight was the artwork (and person) of Nancy Lynch. Her work seemed very inspired and added to the aura and beauty of the evening. Please consider another local artist and her work!

Wal-Mart...or what I fondly call "the devil store"

I'm watching Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price right now. I realize that the documentary is not holding back on any sort of bias or perspective, being very clear that Wal-Mart is a company that is terrible to its employees, environmentally unsound, and participates in slave labor. It is a disturbing movie. I'd already read some books and formed some opinions about the company in college and early on in my return to Warrenton. That being said, occasionally I've shopped at the store for certain types of products, mainly, deodorant, toothbrushes, boxers, white t-shirts, the very basic stuff. But after watching this documentary, I really don't think that I can shop there at all.

You see I've always been torn...because I've known and know people who work there, and on one side, I'd hate for them to lose their jobs, especially if I encouraged them to develop a union, or advocate for fair wages. Yet at the same time, the injustice experienced in the U.S. by employees, and perhaps more importantly, the suffering of those working in sweat shops and poor working conditions and wages in places like Bangladesh and China is absolutely horrible. And let's not forget the local and independent stores that have been affected by Wal-Mart opening up in our town.

So, on one side, I think that not shopping there is really important, yet at the same time, how might Christian communities be prepared to help the employees of those stores find other jobs?

Also, what would we do if the Walton family was not prepared for the apocalypse with their bomb shelter that they've built in reaction to 9/11?

Anyone been involved in helping change the practices in their town of Wal-Mart?

over lunch

on one of our few trips out over the holidays, i had an especially amazing conversation with Shey. i was telling Shey about how i wanted to possibly combine all my Christmas gifts from family to put some money towards a Mac. she proceeded to tell me that i only wanted a Mac because they are cool, and that by getting a Mac, i would think i was cool too. and then Shey said this:

"I transcend cool. Cool passes right through me and keeps on going."

my wife transcends cool. top that.

happy thanksgiving

high school boys are dumb (and so am I)

so i am getting up in 4 hours to meet some high school boys for breakfast. why you ask, would we meet at 4 a.m. for breakfast on a day that they have off of school and we would normally meet at 6 a.m.? the only answer i have right now is stupidity...and they (we) think they (we) are funny.

we're not. and it is going to hurt at 3:15 a.m. as i leave to pick them up b/c most of them can't drive. i'm stupid.

our last day of NYWC

So we have returned home tonight from our trip to Atlanta. The speaker at the general session this morning was Doug Fields. Honestly, I wasn't very excited about the session. I hadn't read his famous book that all youth pastors are supposed to read, and I didn't expect much to connect with. But I was pleasantly surprised by Doug's humility, grace, and openness as he challenged youth workers to consider how envy has influenced and informed their youth ministry and lives. He was entertaining, pretty funny, and seemed to be having a lot of fun when he shared. Like many of the speakers for the main session or worship bands, I was surprised by the way they carried themselves. Although there were some bands that I wasn't so excited with, and I didn't always agree with a lot of the things said, there seemed to be an openness throughout the weekend to see the "other" as a person with a face, a family, a life...and that those persons are doing their best to live life in the way of Jesus. Doug did a great job of challenging youth workers to let go of envy while learning to support others.

The last breakout session that Shey and I went to was Phyllis Tickle's seminar on the Seven Ancient Disiplines that could help nurture and inform our students' spiritual formation. Like every other time I've heard her speak now, she is always up for a great laugh, telling a powerful story, and doesn't take herself too seriously. Through her own humility she opens the door for dialogue amongst various perspectives. She talked a lot about her experiences and theological insights in practicing fixed-hour prayer, or keeping the offices. I've been trying to keep the hours again this semester and I've found it to be a profound experience. Praying with the church all over the world is a beautiful image of unity and community that I believe helps to act as an icon or image that beckons us forward to living out the reality of God's kingdom come and will being done on earth as in heaven. Tickle's prayer manuals are fantastic, and very helpful for what she called the "liturgically challenged." Which myself, growing up Southern Baptist, most certainly am.

I'll post some further thoughts of my overall impression of the convention tomorrow. But as for now, it's time to get some sleep, 5:40 a.m. is coming quick. peace.

Mrs. Phyllis Tickle and Chris Folmsbee...and it all ends in the presidential suite

Today was a good day. It was the second day of the NYWC in Atlanta. Shey and I have been having a great time, especially after this morning's general session. Phyllis Tickle, author, speaker, prophet, and guide shared a message and lesson this morning. She talked about "The Great Emergence," or this time in history which we find ourselves in today. This is the term she has given to describe the next period of reformation in the church which is happening today and is changing the landscape of Christianity, especially in the West. If you have never had a chance to hear her speak, or use the prayer manuals she has created, I highly recommend her works, and finding a way to hear her speak the next chance you get. You'd never expect a 73-year old woman to get up at a youth conference and blow your mind, but that's just what happened today, and is what happened when she spoke at the general sessions at the Emergent Convention a couple years ago in Nashville.

In the afternoon, Shey and I went to Chris Folmsbee's super-seminar called "Stories, Signs, and Sacred Rhythms: A Narrative Approach to Nurturing Students." Chris' message and seminar was fantastic. He proposed a philosophy of youth ministry that could have a profound impact on the landscape of Western Christianity and youth ministry in the coming years. The models of faith development and beginning in the narrative will be extremely helpful and insightful in working with students whose very lives and thus their stories are being fragmented, alienated, and disjointed from others, God, and themselves on a regular basis. The language and metaphors that Chris is exploring is powerful and helps put 'words to some of the things' many of us are thinking about in this round table of discussion and conversation. Be on the lookout for his new book that will most likely have the same title of this seminar to be coming out in the future.

I'd like to post some more comments and thoughts about both Mrs. Tickle's talk and Chris' seminar, but it is too late to dig out the notebook. Shey is knocked out already, it's late...and I've ended on a high note. I got to see Shey when I came back, and the place I came back from was Marko's suite. I spent the evening with Chris and some other guys who work with the newly joined Sonlife/YouthFront. They are doing some amazing stuff that youth ministry folks should check out.

I met some cool guys tonight, and unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to talk to Marko, but Chris, Doug, Len, Scott, Mark, and others made me feel right at home this evening. It was fun to meet some of the other speakers, and to see some of the ways these folks hang out together. There is a warm spirit of hospitality and graciousness that was great to be around. All in all, Day 2 was a good day.

NYWC in ATL Day 1

Shey and I are down in Atlanta this weekend for the National Youth Workers Convention organized by Youth Specialties. So far we are having a great time, running into old friends, and getting to hear some great stuff. My friend Chris is blogging about his time down here too!

Speaking at the first General Session today was Andy Stanley. My pastor is a huge fan, but up until this point, I had never really heard him speak, but had been given excerpts of books, seen some clips of some talks, but nothing from beginning to end. He came across as a pretty good guy, and I think even gets it on some stuff, in terms of Jesus displaying his understanding of leadership and "power" through washing the disciples feet. However, I think that he stretched the metaphor a bit, asking us to consider how we can utilize our power in the way of Jesus when we come to realize that we are the most powerful person in the room with the capability to greatly influence others. My first question was: What about Jesus or the Holy Spirit being present? Secondly, I wondered if there wasn't a better way to understand the relationship between ourselves and "the other people in the room" in terms other than leader/follower or powerful/less powerful. Nevertheless, his conclusions about serving others in humility were on target and provided some helpful insights about the nature of leadership.

This afternoon/evening, two amazing things happened. First I attended Mark Yaconelli's seminar on "The Dark Night of the Soul: When God is Absent." It was beautiful, the way he weaved the stories of Mother Teresa, his own, and his friends together to tell stories of the struggles with the inability to comprehend God and the process of doubt, waiting, darkness, purification, and trust that was involved in wrestling with the silence of God. Some of the stories brought tears to my dry, red eyes, worn tired from writing sermons and papers and getting up at 3:30 a.m. after going to bed at 12:30 a.m. last night. This was a wonderful gathering and time of reflection. I may try to post some of the notes sometime in the future. It was simply a wonderful seminar.

Lastly, Shane Claiborne got up, breathed fire, did a back flip, and then proceeded to tell the 5,500 youth workers that he was going to tell them the best sermon ever told. He read the entire Sermon on the Mount from Matthew's gospel, and then said "amen" and sat down. It was one of those times when you know the prophet has spoken. I don't think anybody knew what do after he walked off the stage...Tic Long allowed some room for silence which helped us to process and soak in the truth-telling done tonight from the pulpit. Talk about power...

It's been a good start to the conference. I am super-excited about Phyllis Tickle speaking tomorrow at the General Session. When she spoke at the last Emergent Convention in Nashville a couple of years ago, I was floored with her messages, stories, and depth. I can't wait for tomorrow morning.

I hope folks are well. Shey and I are really bummed to miss the baby dedications for the Vegas and Cullops. I hope things go well. We'll be thinking of you friends!

latest sermon and something new

I preached on Sunday, and if you are interested, below are some links to listen or download the sermon, Shey said it was one of the best I've preached. It was short and sweet, and it was a new style for me. Almost completely narrative.

On Monday November 26, I am going to have an initial meeting with Father Lewis Fiorelli, as I am considering meeting with a Spiritual Director, and Father Fiorelli is taking a chance to spend some time with a Baptist Youth Pastor who is interested in ecumenical dialogue and the spirituality of St. Francis of De Sales. I really hope this works out, and I am looking forward to the experience, the questions, and the reflections that will come in meeting with Father Fiorelli.

Has anyone else had any experience meeting with a Spiritual Director? What was it like?

On Being A Pharisee

11/11/07 - Message Title: On Being A Pharisee, Josh Hayden
Right Click Here to Download mp3 OR Listen Live

two prayers

In light of some recent conversations about divergent points of view on some theology, these prayers have echoed the hopes of my heart:

God, you have prepared in peace the path I must follow today. Help me to walk straight on that path. If I speak, remove lies from my lips. If I am hungry, take away from me all complaint. If I have plenty, destroy pride in me. May I go through the day calling on you, you, O Lord, who know no other Lord.
Ethiopian Prayer (from The Divine Hours)

God be in my head
and in my understanding.
God be in my mouth
and in my speaking.
God be in my heart
and in my thinking.
God be at mine end
and my departing.
Sarum Primer, 1527 (from The Divine Hours)

hittin' the mid-twenties running

Well, I did go running today, so I guess I actually did hit the mid-twenties running...but honestly, I have felt crazy busy lately, which has made it feel more like trudging through mud. This is a kind of crazy birthday, one where you feel like you are supposed to have come to some grand realization about your life, your direction, your "career," and yet I'm not feeling a lot of those pressures. When I was younger, I always wondered what I'd be doing at 25. I'm not sure what I ever thought I actually would be doing, but I thought it was an age where things would finally star to make sense. In all actuality, I'm just trying to soak everything in around me. I've had to preach a lot lately, which has caused a great deal of introspection, examination, and encouragement as I've tried to share from my life in relation to the scriptures the ways I've been able to see God in our midst. Some friends have shared some encouraging words after the sermons, and it has been great to experiment and try new ways of sharing the story of God in our world and in my life with others.

I don't think that I have it figured out what I'm going to "do" or "be" in terms of a career, but I'm beginning to realize in a deeper way how those things should not define us, but rather be an overflow of our lives and our hearts. Maybe it's just the Egyptian monastics starting to shake me up a bit, or maybe it is a lot of Dr. Toom's quotes of Augustine, but either way, I have to echo the words of the great bishop, in that if our reading of the scriptures do not inform us into living a life of charity, we may be correct on a technicality of understanding the scriptures, but we still do not understand them. (my paraphrase)

on a side note, my great friend has forever raved on and on about how a monkey playing baseball with Joey, or driving an 18-wheeler, is the best thing ever, or would be the best new friend. I however would like to state that i'd rather have a bird like this. monkeys suck, birds rule.

here's to 25.

dinner at a monastery and a night at convergence

Last Wednesday night Shey and I joined friends Tom and his wife Lore for cocktails and dinner with the brothers in the order of the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, at their house in DC. It was one of the best nights I have had in a long time. Hanging out with Tom and Lore was a lot of fun, and our time with the Oblates was wonderful. They were so kind and welcoming, making us feel right at home as soon as we walked in the door. Even though we were a few minutes late after taking a wrong turn after the metro, and thus missed evening prayers, it didn't phase them one bit. Marc Gherardi is a seminarian taking a class at Leland and was our host for the evening (you may remember him from a previous post). We had a round of drinks and hors d'oeuvre, then had dinner in this warm room, with these beautiful wood tables with tall-backed chairs. The food was absolutely amazing, pastas, vegetables, wine, and great desserts and coffee. We had great conversation, and Shey and I came away sensing a stronger unity in the body of Christ after this night, and having made some new friends. Brian Zumbrum is a first-year postulant, and was a great conversation partner throughout the night and helped us to feel at home along with Marc throughout the night. Micheal Castrilli helped keep the good beverages coming our way, and encouraged the singing of fight songs, great laughs, and an overall wonderful spirit throughout the night. This was a night that I won't soon forget, and I would encourage anyone looking for a place to do a retreat, or who is looking to make some new friends in an ecumenical setting, to meet some of the Oblates, especially the guys at the house in DC. Thanks for a great night friends!

On Sunday night, Shey and I went up with some good friends, Katie and Justin Straight, and Justin's younger sister and freshman at JMU, Anna Straight to Convergence. My pastor and the George's joined us for a contemplative and meditative evening together. My friends Todd Cullop and Lisa Hawkins are co-pastoring the church and leading the arts center piece of their community, in an effort to incorporate the arts into the DNA of their community of faith, and to give voice to artists as a whole. Other friends Harp 46 led the jazz service that night, and it was a wonderful night together of prayer, reading of scripture, and conversation. It was good to catch up with some friends I haven't seen in a while, and to worship together. If you are in the Alexandria/DC area, be sure to visit Convergence if you get a chance.

Harp 46 is going on tour and is starting to pre-order their new cd. Check out their website for more info! It was good to see folks on Sunday, David Hawkins, Tom and Lore, Scott Erwin, and all the Harp friends.

visiting friends

Shey and I went down to Williamsburg on Friday to visit our good friends Seth, Leah, and Judah. It was fun to see their new place, see where Seth works, and meet their new pastor. Leah dished up some awesome homemade pizzas and Seth and I saw JMU defeat William & Mary in overtime in men's soccer. As fast as life is right now, and as restless as it is making me feel, it was great to take some time and hang out with good friends, laugh, and just share life together. Judah, their 9 month old is a lot of fun, and has such a great personality...it makes me excited for Tim and Kristen as they prepare for their first child in the next few weeks!

Seth has a great gig right now, but it would be wise for anyone reading this blog to save this picture, because if Seth ever goes on the market again for a job, this picture will win over your search committee or congregation in a heartbeat. Eat your heart out Joel Osteen, you may have been on 60 Minutes last night, but a robe has never looked this good...

reading week

So things never seem to slow down, but this week I've got a lot to try to finish up including a paper and applying for Advanced Placement classes and starting to research some Ph.D. stuff. After some discussion with our academic dean and a couple professors, I am considering to possibly continue my studies. Anybody have any recommendations of schools, professors, programs, etc.? Anybody know how to even start this process? I figure I will spend some time researching schools, examining programs and seeing what might be a good fit for what I'd like to study and the type of professors I'd get to work with. But really, I have no idea what I'm doing, and I don't even know where to start.

The academic dean who got the ball rolling with me, asking me to at least "consider" working on a doctorate, thought that Philosophy or Philosophy for Theology, or Philosophy of Religion, or Doctorate of Theology (at Duke) were some programs to consider....I'm not that smart, so I have no idea if any of this will work, or if I'll have the energy to go on for further studies. Yet at the same time, if i do want to continue to do this whole "pastoring" thing, I would like to be able to work and financially be more independent from having to be dependent on a church and the bulk of the community's tithes going towards running an organization. I think teaching could be a great job, and I'd love to consider teaching alongside pastoring.

Maybe I'm just crazy though. I'm pretty sure I am.

The un/known God

Continuing in Rollins' book How (Not) to Speak of God...

This is a subsection of Chapter two, and in this section of "The un/known God" Rollins' first paragraph helps immensely in our discussion of God's location and relationship to us in the midst of life, creation, the world, suffering, joy, etc.:

"What is beginning to arise from the discussion so far is the idea that God ought to be understood as radically transcendent, not because God is somehow distant and remote from us, but precisely because God is immanent. In the same way that the sun blinds the one who looks directly at the light, so God's incoming blinds our intellect. In this way the God who is testified to in the Judeo-Christian tradition saturates our understanding with a blinding presence. This type of transcendent-immanence can be described as 'hypernymity'. While anonymity offers too little information for our understanding to grasp (like a figure on television who has been veiled in darkness so as to protect their identity), hypernymity gives us far too much information. Instead of being limited by the poverty of absence we are short-circuited by the excess of presence. The anonymous and the hypernonymous both resist reduction to complete understanding, but for very different reasons."

...We've been having a discussion the last few weeks in the adult small group I'm in about the problem of God and the problem of evil, and how to talk about God and evil and the suffering people go through. Which has ultimately led us back to the notion and idea of prayer, and how God "answers" or "hears" or "responds" to our prayers.

I have mostly come to rest in this mystery of prayer as an act of posturing before God, "as the object before the ultimate Subject" or as the human at the feet of God. Prayer helps me to be aware of God's hypernymity in ways that I have been too busy or too selfish, or simply unaware of before. I have a hard time with God being outside of time or space because I believe God to not be distant because God is striking the hiesman pose and keeping us at arms length, but rather God is radically transcendent through being such a blinding light, that I cannot possibly capture God in the fullness of God's being, and totality of the reality of God's movement in the world with my senses. There is this sense that God is at work all around us and in us as a community in the midst of suffering and evil and is beautifully blinding to our senses because we cannot comprehend the abounding goodness and grace of God.